which path to take, revenge or the high road?!

I've been with Justin for going on 7 years, like any relationship we've had our ups and our downs....the last year however has been more of a roller coaster than the other years combined.
Last summer, I found out I was pregnant with our second child, a few weeks later I busted his ass cheating on me...make a long story short, I found her number, called her and she told me everything. He denied it for sometime before coming clean and apolegizing, I left anyways.
Over the next 6 months, we kept in touch (2 provinces apart) and tried to reconcile, I'm not sure if it was because I was pregnant and emotional or because I had been with him for so long but- I chose to forgive him and move on in our relationship.
Justin moved to where I was living a couple months before I was due to give birth, he was in the process of enrolling in the military and ended up leaving for basic training just a few weeks before our second son was born....many promises were made that day he left, he loved me and would never cheat on me....blablabla.....he called me everyday tellin me how much he loved me and our family...blablabla....
eventually my instincts started telling me something wasnt right...I knew somethin was up! one day I catch him in a lie about something, and my warning bells went off the hook, it was time to go fishing yet again....
so i start investigating on facebook, added one of the guys in the same platoon as him that I had met at the enrollment ceremony and start chattin him up pretending that justin and i had broke up and I was aware of this new gf of his....it comes out that nobody likes her and everyone hates him for doing that to me, i reveal to him that i didnt really know but got him to tell me(he was cool about it as long as i didnt reveal my sources). Anyways this guy said everyone wanted to tell me all along but noone wanted to be that guy....justin is being charged with fraternizing as is this whore who knew about me and his family and chose to carry on with him anyways (shes also engaged).
Justin keeps calling trying to be sorry and whatever, i dont care anymore i dont wanna hear it, its bullshit lies and im done!
here's my question; I have all of our stuff, all of his stuff, the car (in my name even though he paid for it) and two kids to take care of....I want to sell everything(which includes thousands of dollars worth of tools and electronics) and start my life over again, I've already cleaned out the bank account his last 2 paycheques and feel like I have that right....I'm not sure if selling all is posessions is the right thing to do though, that being said I dont neccesarily think its all that wrong in comparison to what he's done....advice anyone?!?!!?!?

 

I think I may have given this the wrong title, as I'm not really about revenge, and dont really feel the need for it...after all, the best revenge is living a happy life.....however selling everything could be considered vengeful.

 

It sounds like you're doing the right thing dumping the guy, and if he's the father of your kids he's legally responsible to help support them, right?

I say take the high road and move on, your best revenge is to be happy.

 

yeah but still , I have contributed to everything we own, and walked away twice without it, now I have it all and think It would be stupid to just give to him...

 

I am sorry that this happened but don't don't sell his things, or give them away, I know he hurt you but you can't just go give his stuff away or sell it because of that, that's lowering yourself to almost his level... He's the father of your children and that right there is what's important is putting all this stuff aside (as hard as it is) and just focusing on being civil to one another for your children...And maintaining it for them, it's not about you two anymore, it's more about your kids...
good luck!

 

sigh* I guess you're right...my boys are all that matter to me, and I dont want any resentment from them towards me for any reason, EVER.
Justin doesnt deserve the satisfaction of a reaction from me either, I was really calm and collected about it when I called him out on it and I intend to stay that way...cool and aloof...even though inside I'm raging....which will subside, eventually.

 

Always the high road, Sister... the highest self.

 

is there a power washer?

 

Just tell him the truth. Say that you need the money and that you're thinking of selling his stuff and splitting the money with him. But if he wants to keep it send you half its worth and enough to put it in storage.

It may take some doing but don't alienate your children's father.

 

no there's no power washer...sorry

thats a great idea olderwaterbrother, I like it...civil and fair, thanks

 

There's no telling how others will react but I always try to start with civil and fair and work from there.

 

oh ya right silly me of coarse there isnt

 

he's a carpenter so its all sorts of saws, and crap that carpenters use.....

 

My (adult) son went through a rough breakup some months back, and he was faced with some decisions like that. He chose "the high road," and handled every aspect of it in the most ethical way possible. It wasn't the easy road by any means, and it hurt a lot just to see what he went through just due to him being so considerate. But to see him take on such a tough problem without sacrificing anything he believed in, well, that was quite something to see. I hated seeing him go through it, but I was never more proud. I think that helped him recover- he's found a new love, and the two of them are now wandering Europe and Asia emailing back photos that blow the mind. I rarely comment in this forum, but having seen such a dramatic example of this very recently, I felt it appropriate to post. Good luck to you whatever you choose.

 

you have to remember too youre going to want him to be able to make a living still!



barely

 

Thank you for posting that sunlion!
I know in my heart that there is only one choice; and that is the high road so to speak, at times though I just feel like lashing out and wanting him to hurt as much as I do....I also know that I'll regret doing something spiteful like selling all his things, and that really the best closure would be to just let it go-without incident.
The wounds are still quite fresh and I think thats why I struggle at times with how to handle the situation, but each moment that passes I get a little stronger and heal a little more.
I'm glad your son chose the high road, and recovered from the loss and heartbreak...I know that eventually I will too.

 

well quirky, he's in the military now and didnt get kicked out for his fraternizing so he'll continue on with this career(he got bumped back to week 4 of the 12 week training- he was due to be finished in 2 more weeks)....she however did get kicked out for this incident and a few more incidents prior to this(im not aware of what though) so he won't really need his tools, but that aside I still won't sell them...i took the advice of another member and suggested to Justin that we sell/split everything and he said( after some resistance to the breakup )that I can keep everything except his tools and clothes, which is fine with me.

 

Good to hear it's working out for you. Karma has a way of setting things straight, as you've seen.

My initial response was based on personal experience, and while I ended up giving up a lot to my ex, I didn't give up my dignity, something money can't buy. Now ten years later I'm happy with what I've got, a good job, wife and kids, and as far as I know she's still miserable, and she has nothing to show for herself, because she pisses people off everywhere she goes, and sooner or later there's no where to hide, not even from yourself.

Consider yourself lucky.