So yesterday I was at my boyfriends house, and we had a couple friends over (all guys). i havent shaved my armpits in quite sometime now and my boyfriend kept telling me how gross it was and telling me to shave and stuff in front of our friends. Meanwhile all these boys kept cracking woman jokes about how we cant read, vote, were supposed to cook and clean and shit, all in good fun, but it still pissed me off. and my boyfriend just laughs along with them. I left mad last night and he thinks I have no right to be upset. what do you guys think?
Well, I have a quite similar problem, I have many male friends at college and sometimes they tease me about women stuff and I have problem with that...But the thing is that I know how they threat women (for start, how they threat ME every day!), how they feel about women and that this whole womanizing story is just a friendly tease and that's why I don't get upset about this..... So, you should just find out if they have really meant all those things they said or they were just kidding around.....
How about laughing... They were joking, why be mad and definitely don't be mad at your bf... But people are different.. I, for one, even if they are being completely serious would still laugh, stuff like that is funny... Especially if there were teasing you... One who can tease and poke fun at someone is a form of flattery I think.. My co-worker here jokes about stuff like that and I laugh my ass off... Learn to laugh and learn when to really pick your battles.. But again, everyone is different, people get upset at different things...
agree with mysitcal shroom, you're being overly sensitive. definately learn to pick your battles or end up mad and fighting all the live long day ... not a fun way to live. if your bf likes your pits shaved, what's the harm in shaving them?
Tell your boyfriend that you find his armpit hair disgusting and that he should shave it, and see if he does. More than likely, your point will be taken. Oh, and I think don't get too uptight about the friends thing. It is highly unlikely that they really mean it, and it is no fun to be labeled the "feminazi" (as they say) who can't take a joke. You should get upset if they try and act on those jokes, or if they become constant.
yea i totally understand like a joke ok but if they keep going thats kinda lame with them good idea coffeedarling!!!
Your boyfriend's friends were teasing you and you are getting upset. Which was more important to him, being one of the guys or comforting you? OK, lets assume that you shouldn't have been upset: Which was more important to him 1) being one of the guys? 2) comforting your irrational upset? 3) explaining to you why its OK for you to be the object of (light) derision? Don't you deserve a guy who thinks that you (with all your irrationalities) is more important than joining his buddies in belittling someone? Don't try to change him, just move on and find a guy who thinks YOU are more important than the people who tease you. Don't worry about him, I'm sure that he'll be able to find the doormat he wants. Oh and about the pits, why does he get a vote about that and not on the tampon/pads/keeper issue? Or does he get a vote about that too? Sure he's young and he'll grow out of it but my advice is to move on, you deserve a better man.
Deserve a better man..? Belittling her..? I got the impression that they were just teasing, she even said it was "in good fun"...I don't think they were being cruel at all, they were teasing, teasing is something you do with people you feel comfortable around and enjoy, people tease me, I tease them, we laugh and have fun... Of course I wasn't there so I can only comment on the info that the poster posted.. I don't think it's that deep, it was just teasing, friends tease each other...
They were teasing her, he was with them even though she was upset. This reveals something about who is more important to him. Are they evil? no. Are they cruel? I doubt it. He still was with them even though she was upset. Its not that they're right/wrong vs. the OP is wrong/right. Whether the OP should have been as upset as she was doesn't change the fact that when the OP was upset, her boyfriend was "on the side" of those upsetting her. "You shouldn't be this upset, get over it." Is this the kind of comfort or support the OP wants from her boyfriend? I think that she can find a more supportive boyfriend. One who might say "Hey guys, this is bugging her. How 'bout those Yankees?" Dude thinks that she should accept "jokes about how we cant read, vote, were supposed to cook and clean and shit". (BTW, does Dude expect his black friends to accept jokes about how Lincoln was wrong, if is done "all in good fun".) This showed how much her boyfriend pays attention to her feelings. This showed how much her feelings matter to him. The OP can decide if this occasion was typical of him, but it would be a mistake to dismiss it by "jokes about how she can't read, vote; is supposed to cook and clean and shit" shouldn't bother her. I think this incident shows more about her boyfriend's priorities ("bros before 'hos") than it shows about the OP's thin skin. EDIT: I should mention that his sharing in these jokes when she wasn't there is a different issue. This situation is him seeing, in front of his eyes, her being upset and what he did about it. I also, do not understand the OP's question "What should I feel about this?". People should feel whatever they feel, its what they do (or their boyfriends do) that matters. I do understand that 18 yr. women frequently ask "Should I change my feelings, my grooming habits, my self in order to please my boyfriend?" and too many of them answer "Yes". I'm suggesting to the OP that her goal could be a boyfriend who matches her feelings, grooming habits and self, rather than the goal being finding some way to keep this particular boyfriend. To my mind, "boyfriend" implies before commitment. "Boyfriend" is a time for choosing. To choose well, one must see what one is choosing.
Try to play their game. Give them good examples of women who are strong, can read or whatever the fuck. But do it lightly, not seriously or angrily. I personally hate when people talk like that... and it does upset me. Sorry but we're still in a patriarchy here and that is not cool. Sometimes you just have to walk away. But yeah don't get mad at them openly cuz they will just laugh and call you a feminazi. Its lame...
Wow, you're boyfriend sucks balls. I'd dump him. If I were to say "That's not funny" to some joke my boyfriend's friends were laughing at, I'd expect him to tell them to cut it out -- or defend my position. Shitty boy toy you have there. I'm sorry.
Haha this thread is funny... I guess I just find that stuff funny and not offensive because why get mad at something so petty and stupid, especially if you stated "it was in good fun" I don't know, people are different but I joke with people about that stuff all the time, they make their women jokes and I make the men jokes and then we laugh..I would never dump someone over jokes and teasing, even if people seem to think it's some deep down issue, when it was just teasing... I don't ever really expect someone to stick up for me unless I am in danger or being seriously attacked...I don't know, to each their own I guess... I'm pretty sure you make "male jokes" in front of your friends and laugh, I could be wrong but I don't know...Like I said to each their own...
and that's not really womanizing. womanizing refers to sleeping with as many women as you can, cheating and such. the other is just joking about women. just sayin'.
I gotta agree with MikeE in that you deserve better. Sure a little joking is fine, but enough already. You could always throw in a few little prick, can't get it up, lasts for two minutes jokes in response.
