where can i ask about ambiguous friendship with married man, without being shot down?

Here.

 

Are you looking for the personals?

 

Lulso:

I am not trying to shoot you down; however, let me remind you that because this is a free speech site there's bound to be people who will disagree with you and criticize you for what you post. Especially with a topic such as the one you mentioned.

EDIT:

I'd just like to add that after going through your most recent posts, I haven't actually come across anyone flaming you - meaning no personal insults and the like.

So let me get this straight: when you say you want to ask about an "ambiguous friendship with married man without being shot down", do you mean "without being flamed" or "without anyone disagreeing with/ criticizing me"?

 

Your situation sounds like one that is best avoided. Chances are "he" is being such a great friend because he is looking to get laid. If he were your "friend" he would not be making passes at you when he is married with a small child.

My advice would be to keep your relationship on a professional level, and stop trying to be friends with him. Just my opinion.

 

Sorry Lulso, bad internet connection plus I've been kinda busy lately so I didn't have a lot of time to spend on hipforums.

Anyway:

You say you don't want to have feelings for him and you just want to be his friend. Is it possible that you already have or starting to have feelings for him and that's why you're worried? 'Cause I don't think you'd be saying that if you didn't feel something for him other than friendship.

I don't really know what advice I can give you besides avoiding him - which is obviously easier said than done since you work together. Hmmm... this is a very sensitive issue; perhaps you can go to your company's human relations department. After all, employee-employee and superior-subordinate relations fall under HRD’s jurisdiction especially if it’s affecting work. You can ask them to keep this matter confidential to protect both you and this guy from office intrigue.

Hmmm... yeah that happened a lot to me before.

Well, do you have any other friends apart from this guy? Are you in touch with them and your family regularly?

Also, you can start making new friends by trying new things like going to a gym or taking up some kind of hobby or activity that involves interacting with other people who don't work with you. That's how I met my fiancee - I decided to take up martial arts again and there she was at the dojo.

And can you be more specific as in what do you mean by lifestyle structure?

Peace,

Musikero

 

One of the best friends I have ever had in my lifetime, who I have been to hell and back with....well....I had to stop being friends with him because he crossed the line by hitting on me and not stopping when I asked/told him to. We are no longer friends because he could not accept just being my friend. So, yeah I do understand where you are coming from. I still think that you need to avoid more than a work type relationship with the guy in your situation.

 

Anyone can find a partner of the opposite sex if he or she will accept less in the way of youth, beauty, and social position. My guess is that this guy is more desirable than anyone else that you have access to.

If you have an affair with him he will almost certainly not leave his wife for you. You will have to share him with his wife. You may have to share him with other women also. Even then he may leave you abruptly.

You are wise not to have become intimate with him yet. Do not have any illusions about this situation. My advice is that you try to meet other men, and get to know them before having sex with them.

Try to become more sensitive to the way other people feel about you. This will be difficult if you are introverted, but it is worth the effort. The more friendly you are, the more you mix with others, and the less you require in terms of what all women prefer in a man, the more likely you are to find a boy friend, and eventually, a husband.

Consider the folk wisdom, "The best way to have a good friend is to be a good friend."