When looking for a community..what should we really be looking at ?

When one is searching for a community for themselves or there families, what do you feel should be carefully considered before doing so .

There seems to be a growing group of folks that are interested in the community or communal based life style . At the same time i think many are being mislead into checking these places out and then left with a sour stomach of all communities after just one bad experience...

So.... If you could compile a list of what to look and what to watch out for in a community what would you put on your list. What is it that would make you stop and go hmmmmmm about a place that you are trying to find information on.. This is not about specific communities but rather what you would suggest to others looking for that style of life... What types of things should they really be looking at and investigating rather than "its an off grid community, come join us"...

 

To give any sort of answer to this question I first have to ask myself what it is about "MY" concept of community that appeals to me so strongly. I've come to realize that living the way I am now, in the "Normal" world has left me isolated spiritually and emotionally. To me, community would be a nurturing entity made up of people that care about each individual within the group, much like large families did before the industrial revolution. So on to answer the question....

First, I would consider the size of community that would be the right fit. In my case, I believe I would fit best in a somewhat smaller group. If it takes me a week to get to know everyone's name it's just too big and so would not have the "togetherness" feel that I am hoping for. In my mind 10-20 is about right.

Being off-grid right now isn't a top priority in my case. Working toward sustainability is. Knowing where my food comes from is. Using less is. Giving a damn about the mark I make on this planet is. Being prepared to live when the grid goes dark is.

Something else I look for is an answer to the question of what happens to the community members as they age. Is the community prepared to care for elderly members or are they expected to go off someplace else once they're no longer able to work.

Sharing is also important to me, so I look at egalitarian communities more than others. There are two sides to sharing, the most important being what can I do/give/offer to make the community a better place. My skills are flung pretty wide, but I have no illusions that I know enough about important skills to make a difference. I'd need teaching and that takes time.

One thing I look out for is fanatacism, about any subject. It's doesn't matter what the subject is, fanatics are still fanatics.

Anyway, these are some things thay I look at. It's rather personal but maybe it will give somebody else something to think about.

 

I think it is good to watch out for places that have a “leader” “master” “mentor” or any thing along those lines.

People would be surprised but there are a lot of cults out there and a lot of them disguise their mission statements and recruitment slogans to look like nice communities.

Also you don’t know a place until you have been there a year..

And you don’t have a clue after a month, a lot of people visit a place for a month “have a good feeling about it” go home get rid of their life get a U haul truck and take everything and their bank account to their new alternative community and find out 3 months latter they hate it and have nothing to go back to.

A lot of times when people first leave society it is like going into the unknown to them and they are venerable because they are in a strange environment and there is plenty or predators lurking in that unknown space to take advantage of that.

I always have been curious about alternative societies and go visit alternative communities and strange cults sometimes when I get a chance just for an evening dinner or temple services. There is some strange ruthless predators out their with nice gentle disguises.

Don’t let them fool you.

 

Thanks Geno n Z... I personally am not looking into community life but i know many that are ...

It seems many look at something and only see what they want to see in a place, or see things through rose colored glasses... I am seeing more and more "off grid" or "communities " with videos and web pages but once you start digging further into them you see the true colors of who these places are supposed to appeal too.. I am seeing alot of wolves out there in sheeps clothing and they are playing on the ignorance and hopes of ignorance of the masses in order to lure them in... Too many are being suckered into something ( yes it is there own fault) and then have no idea how to get out of what they have gotten themselves into ...

Maybe just maybe if we started posting what folks should really investigate before jumping into something we can ward off some of the backlash that is sure to follow as well as some of the negativity toward those that are "real"... Ya know the one bad tater spoils the whole bunch bit...

 

Well if I'd be looking to join a community the biggest thing would be is it formed or is it forming?

each then have their different sets of things that I'd be looking for. I'll keep it to one or two main points.
Formed community:

- Land (how big vs how many people, natural features, how is it being used)
- Income(how does the community make money or deal with members making money)
- People/dynamic(each group has one, not everyone will fit, that's just how humans are)

Forming Community:

- Plan(good, solid, realistic, longterm plan or idealistic drug induced dream masquarading as a plan)
- People(work ethic, religion? dynamic, )
- Anticipated location(Personally I'd want to stay in my country and the community be located close enough to a town with resources such as hospital, library, Bank, Post office, stores...)

Those are a few of the more important ones, at least to me... Like it was mentionned there a many different factors and they will vary almost as widely as the number of communities already out there, but there should be a few basic underlying ones that will be good to have compiled for people looking to join.

 

I certainly vibe with much of what SSS said in the last post. These are all very important. For years, I looked for community and what kept me from really settling into ANY of them was that I wanted a community that was very open. One where I can invite my parents and all my old friends, where I can really say Welcome Home and mean it.

In Rainbow there are scenes where they put up signs that say "Kitchen Crew Only" blissrails and exclusivity, keep the bliss pit out there. Our library always has a sign that says "You Are Kitchen Crew". For me, this sums up a fundamental difference in ideal and that one is VERY import to my personal needs in community. I require the latter. I so didn't find a community to suit my needs to the point that we formed our own. We are certainly still forming, but HAVE the land (90 acres).

Welcome Home!
Joshua of the Reading Rainbow Library

 

What Genovessa said really resonated with me as far as what I'd like in a community. I'm not even sure how I'd define it, maybe the word "community" doesn't even fit. A better one would be a "family" or "tribe". I want real intimacy and trust with people, a place of givers where all who are there give of themselves in some way. Of course I also think that we pull our weight in different ways and I don't devalue the place of elders in a tribe. Physical labor isn't the end-all, although it's obviously necessary, but it doesn't have to come in equal proportion from every member. Also, family members who love each other don't throw anyone away because of age or illness. There has to be that genuine kindness, compassion, love and appreciation for one another as living beings.

Oh and one very important thing... the group has to be a peaceful one, meaning the people in it have to be truly peace-oriented and responsible for maintaining their own peace of mind.

I also agree with what zihger said and get turned off by the "leader", "mentor", "master" or "guru" types. I want a tribe where everyone relates as equals and all recognize that we both teach and learn from others in different ways. And yes, there are alot of predators and wolves in sheep's clothing so it's good to really use intuition and common sense when meeting others. I think this is why I really feel it's important to get to know someone over time as friends before joining together in this way.

And then there are the practical aspects, like how far away from populated areas do you want to go, how off the grid do you want to be, do you need to still work outside the property, how much money/time/resources do you have to do this with, etc.

I think that Crypto and I are primarily looking to meet others who resonate with us, as friends. And then remain open to the possibility of a tribe-like joining, but we're not counting on it. Most likely we'll remain just the 3 of us (our 8 yr old swears she never wants to move away from us. lol!), but ya never know....

 

the schools

 

I sincerely doubt that I've ever been met a community that could not in some one's eyes be called a cult.
The very nature of those wishing to move apart from the society at large pretty much says it.

ideally...and not worth settling for less, people who are strong individuals into Self-empowerment, yet who acknowledge that working in Connection, feeling a resonation and harmony in the Doing, brings far more to the table than 1 person can usually accomplish Working solo.
People who Know how to disagree and yet find a way of working out their differences and coming to consensus.
People who are willing to talk, yet put their trust in the action that speaks far louder than any words can.

And I know that succeeding is important to some, but for those I would trust totally it would have to be the Intent that matters and the willingness to give our all to fulfill that burning Desire.
For us it would have to be that turning to wholeness that recognizes that every step along the Way is but another adventure in turning our weaknesses into strengths and nurturing us all along the Path of Growing into the Beyond....becoming More.
One who Honors another and who is honorable in turn.

And all this begins with looking into the mirror honestly and not denying that the Work starts within.


Blessings Y'all

Namaste

 

What I have seen as the biggest issue with people looking for community of some type, have this thought that they are all the same... each community will be made up of unique people, even though some of them will be sheep, they will still add their own flavor to what the community is.

As will have been noticed in the various threads and posts... some object even to the word zen, while others embrace the concept, some will want everyone to pitch in everything together, others will want each to be seperate within the structure of the community. There are those that have religious paths strictly adhered to, other that frown on them.

The most important thing a person should be looking for, is a place to them that feels like home, both in terms of what is there (or not), and who...

Of course that comes back to a common problem these days, most will say they want to be part IC, and have no clue further then that what they want.

This is why I look to the internet as an integral part of setting up a community these days, it allows people to get an idea of who and what is involved, before ever even visiting.

It does mean you lose some of the 'excitement' of strangers wandering in and adding unexpected benefits, but I at least believe it is worth it if it also reduces the number of problems caused by others who for whatever reason do not fit in.

 

You know CT... and I don't disagree with you at all, except I wonder sometimes how accurate those internet meetings really are. In a way maybe you do get a glimpse of a person's philosophy... but then there's so much more to a person. And you never get a true feel for someone through the internet. Sometimes it's easy to get a disjointed view when someone says certain things, because there are so many perspectives and ways of saying something that doesn't paint a complete picture of what someone really thinks and believes.

I've wondered to myself, when it comes to people I know in person, what I would have thought of them had I met them through the internet and spent time discussing things. Would I really even want to meet them? lol! I know a few people who I care about and share a bond with, but disagree with some personal philosophies, some of them strongly so.

Sometimes it just seems to me that the internet makes it really easy to discount someone...

 

I've tried to think of a way to write this so it sounded good...

Fuck it...

It all boils down to, I would rather be alone then put up with one idiot's bullshit...

Will I miss some good people... most likely.... will I lose any sleep over it? Not in the slightest.

I will point out, that in almost every case, even when I have issues with them online, I am quite clear that they can come visit for two days and we will go from there, precisely because of the thing you mention.

For those who (for whatever reason) don't like the way I talk and act and what I plan on doing, there are many other alternatives available to them.

Which was the point of me saying that people have to find the place and people they are comfortable with.

I mentioned this in another thread but it bears repeating. There are almost 7 billion people on the planet... I only need a couple of dozen at the most.

Do the math..

 

I feel the same way. I have tolerance for a lot of stuff, but certain things are just not acceptable and I can tell when it's just not going to work with someone.

lol! Well, mathematically it seems strange to think you can't find like-minded people when there are so many to choose from. But it doesn't seem to work that way in real life.

Right now we're focusing primarily on meeting people locally... anyone within driving distance. We might use the internet for initial contact but it has to move beyond that within a reasonable timeframe. Anymore we don't have any expectation, but we remain open for the possibility. Alot of time you can make friends at various levels of intimacy, but to actually join in a tribe or community is a whole other level of relating.

Oh, I thought of one other thing that's important to us regarding community... the people in it have to be tolerant, open-minded and non-judgmental when it comes to things like sexual preferences, race, gender, etc.

 

I agree on the internet I usually like to discuss obscure subjects and throw opinions and thoughts around which usually a lot of time are opposite of other peoples thoughts and opinions.

A lot of people just take their opinions so freakin serious and get emotional about discussions, or some people just come a crossed arrogant or egotistical just by a bad writing style when maybe in real life they are not that way at all.

I don’t really think you can know a person that well from the Internet there is just so much more in real life. In real life people have a energy and an essence that you can never see or feel on the internet.
On the Internet you just see an appearance, you see what people present of themselves.

When I was single I had a few dates from the Internet and a lot of women would be like “I am caring non-selfish blabla” but in real life they were a materialistic whore or they would be completely different then they described themselves.
But I think they weren’t really being dishonest, in their own mind they probably are nice caring ect just dishonest to themselves.

It works all ways I have visited a few communities that were absolutely nothing like their websites.

I think the Internet can be a good starting point for connections but just by it’s nature it is a realm of illusions.

 

Yeah, I think in some ways I can come across differently on the internet. I think my warmth and sweetness isn't very apparent online, at least that's my perception. In person I'm very sweet and kind and gentle. The other day a friend mentioned to Crypto (about me) that she couldn't imagine anyone not liking me. But online it's easy to relate to a person not as a person but as a collection of particular beliefs and opinions.

Yeah it kinda cracks me up how people get so serious and emotional about discussions. I mean, c'mon... drama much?? LOL!

Oh man, that is so true. I've done some internet dating before and boy do people lie... both to themselves and to others. Of'course I NEVER did that. Actually I did once, without meaning to... I told someone I was a hippy chick. And in truth, I'm a big time hippy at heart, but I look very average and typical on the outside. So when he met me he pretty much told me right away I wasn't a hippy chick. Ah well....

I gotta say though that I tend to be honest to a fault. Not trying to be a goody-two-shoes or anything, I'm just genuinely honest. But alot of people lie, to themselves especially. Seems recently at hipforums there have been some claims of enlightenment. I have a very sensitive bullshit detector, so it goes off alot! lol! Most of the time it's not such a big deal if people can't see through their own crap. But sometimes, especially when looking to join with someone in a community, there does need to be a certain level of honesty and humility. Trust is a very fragile thing and when it's ruined all kinds of problems arise. Trust definitely has to be a big part of a successful community.

Yep. agreed.

 

Yeah, without trust a community turns to hell, it is a total drain to not trust people you live with.

I think you have a very nice Internet posting style, I have read a few of your posts they always seem open and friendly.

I know my posting style sucks. It’s getting better though.
I dropped out of school in 8th grade and when I fist started using the internet 8 years ago it took me 5 minutes to type a 8 letter word.

So I come on the forums to try to get better at typing and communicating on the web. I do a lot of technical crap trough out the day so hipforms is my break where I can discuss fun wacky stuff.

 

Thank you.

I never had that impression. I liked your posts that I've read.

lol! yeah that's fun. I go through these cycles where I'll post a bunch and then nothing for a long time. Right now I'm in the "on" cycle. But I'm getting ready to start a few projects so I may not post as much... we'll see.

 

there was a time on the internet when no one had alter egos.. of course that was back in the mid 90's,, dilligaf and i met on the internet way back then(94 i think)..

its strange,its like at some point people realized they could lie about who and what they were and have people believe it and it took off from there..

it didnt used to be this way. as i recal back then people were either brutally honest about themselves or they were afraid to give any personal information out about themselves..

i think,,i know i liked it better back then...

 

Yeah it sucks how much deceit is used nowadays. I discovered internet dating back in 98 through a friend of mine. By then it seems deception was alive & well (people learn fast eh?). I met a bunch of people, had some that ended after the 1st date, and one short hot romance , but then I got so sick of all the duds (not dudes.. duds lol!) that I decided to quit internet dating altogether. And then cryptoman wrote me right at that time just before I pulled the switch. I remember looking at his email thinking should I respond or not? And something told me to respond but then I thought, OK... just this last time but if I smell even a hint of bullshit, that's it... I'm done! And the rest is history. We were engaged after 3 weeks, married after 3 months.

Congrats to you and dili... you guys seem like a really good match.

 

I can add that you can find a lot out about a place by finding out why ex-members left. And ask different people separately. To get a closer to true answer, try to develop a rapport first.