Last night I was out clubbing with a friend of mine. She has been dating a guy for almost a year. He has some commitment issues, so he says they aren't boy/girlfriend. Anyway, I know, from what she tells me, that they aren't seeing other people, much less sleeping around. But last night she decided to take a really cute guy home for a one night stand. And the last thing she told me before we went our seperat ways for the night was "Never tell Christoffer", her not-boyfriend. If she feels bad about it, afraid he will be break it off or get hurt. Isn't that pretty much the same as cheating?
Tricky. If he refuses to recognize her as someone he cares about, then he is essentially giving her the go-ahead to do what she wants, but the fact that she feels guilty implies that she shouldn't be dallying with others when she feels strongly for this one (if indeed she is serious about pursuing a relationship with him). I think it is, just because she knows it would hurt him and that's the most important thing, but it is a bit of a gray area because he's sending her such mixed signals about the relationship (or lack thereof). She may need to let this guy alone for a while and go do her thing while she can if that's what she wants while this guy figures out what he wants from life. Maybe she'll be there when he comes back from lala land, maybe she won't, but I know I would resent having my life put on hold. Don't think I would act out in quite that manner, but hey. Who knows... PS: Don't mean to sound cold toward the guy, but I used to have issues like that (as I'm sure every young person does at some point in time) and I can say first hand it sucks. You feel very selfish and pressured by everypne including yourself to just "do the right thing" and make the person happy, when at the same time, you're thinking, "what about me? I'm not comfortable, here." It's a bummer. Some people never grow out of it.
I would think the real problem is she spends time with the guy and does what she does with him but can't keep it real when it comes to sleeping with another, not that it matters that she is sleeping with other peeps, even if they were "boyfriend and girlfriend" but the fact that she has to keep secrets seems shady as fuck. Plus if she had a problem with him not committing yet stayed with him for a year means to me that she was just in need of dick and a smile. Cheating? No. Cheating is just some bs word to try and make you feel guilty about your natural inclination to have sex with more than one being at a time, if she feels guilty then that is her fault, if she gives him some random std and never kept it real then she should be slapped for being a jackass.
just tell the bitch to be honest what is she trying to decieve someone for if their not dating their not dating why is she worried about hurting neone. i think if a guy is that attached to a girl hes "not dating" then he is just stupid then again i could see having deep feelings for someone who doesnt reciprocate but to expect any commitment when you have defined your relationship as un commited why ... its its fucking ludicrous but some people have to learn the hard way. however deception only leads to suffering in the end or the most suffering anyway be brutally honest to avoid confusion even if the truth hurts atleast you know where you stand and you wont spend years living in a painful lie that will one day surface anyway and by that time you will have some wounds that will never heal completeley
why do you care? Only it is you? Anyway....she feels a connection to him in her heart but he is not proclaiming it out loud...so she was following her bliss. Sometimes we want the attention and affection that someone can give us and if we feel we aren't getting it at home then we look outside for it. Its up to her to make her decisions. They will lead her to what is best...to examine what she really wants
IT is cheating, if they both agreed to not see other people. I'm in the same situation with the girl that I'm seeing, and last weekend I kissed a different girl, and she almost broke it off. I'm really glad she decided to give me a second chance. So, anyways, its only cheating if the came to the mutual decision of exclusivity.
The Rules: If you wouldn't tell your partner, it's cheating. If you wouldn't do it in front of your parents, it's sex. There is no such thing as "emotional cheating". In a culture where monogamy is assumed, not officially committing is no defense.
Yeah i'd agree monogamy is assumed, and if someone is not into monogamy then they'd do well to be upfront about it, and sharpish... before any emotional attatchment. If he hasn't made any outward commitment because he couldn't totally trust her ... he'd be right.
I do personally believe that, as a culture, we would benefit from not assuming monogamy. But I've never known anyone who didn't take the attitude that non-monogamous relationships need to be declared as such who did not then go on to abuse that ambiguity (i.e. cheat and then say "well, I never said there was no-one else" or "hey, now you mention it, maybe we should have an open relationship!").
