First let me give you some history. I have known X since I was 5 yrs old our families were close and all of us kids grew up together there was 8 of us I was the only girl.We were all about the same age give or take a few yrs.I had a crush on X from the beginning but of course never said anything.When we got older like 13 14 yrs old I sensed maybe he liked me too.But of course nothing was said, one day when i was 15 I was at his house and I called my boyfriend at the time D who broke up with me so I was sad X tried to cheer me up he put on the radio and we were dancing then a slow jam came on LL COOL J singing hey lover we were dancing real close but me in my scared little mind pulled back and told him i was sleepy,We never said anything about 3 months later he got locked up and he decided to tell me how he felt I would go see him write to him all that eventually he was sentenced to 8 yrs in prison I was 15 he was 17. I did kkep up the writing 4 a while too then I was 17 I met the man who is now my husband E.When I was 18 I met the girl who is now my best friend she also was at the time X's cousin J's girl.Well ME AND HER GOT PREG AT THE SAME TIME AND GREW CLOSE. I stayed with E she left J. Well X gt out of prison when I was 23 and came to my house I told him i loved E and avoided him at all costs. Any ways and me and my best friend had a falling out when I was 22.When I was 24 my husband cheated on me and we decided to get back 2 gether.FAST FORWARD NOW i AM 27 YRS OLD...i HAVE 3 KIDS she has 2 somehow now shes with X and we are all friends.The whole little crew ya know the 8 of us that have known each other for 22 yrs told me that X stll loved me EVEN MY BEST FRIENDS MALE COUSIN told me that bcuz they said he was always talking about me I refused to believe but after spending time with him those old feeling came rushing back and somehow it started with a stolen kiss here and there till we finally slept together and now I am so confused I do love E but I am not sure if its just love of being with him 4 10yrs or if i am still in love with him but I do know I cant stop thinking of X wtf am I gonna do?
Write a book. Shake your head and laugh a lot about the muddle you've made. Ask yourself a lot of questions. Like for example, who's going to get hurt if you leave E and go with X? What kind of a provider and dad would X be for you and your kids? What would it be like if you stayed with E and blew off X? How much would THAT hurt? Or just blow off the questions and muddle ahead. Sometimes it helps to try doing nothing for a while, and see what happens. Just leave the situation as is, tell X you need to think about things for a while if he comes around for your ummm company again. Sometimes things get clearer when you just wait - for you and for others. But who am I to offer advice? I've made quite a muddle of my life, too. And I'm working on a book about it...
