An Account of My Death on LSD

Background info: Last thursday, I took 3 hits of some supposedly very dank blotter. I am a very experienced tripper, taken L and mushrooms more times than I care to count, mescaline once, and various other substances, but my favorites (besides the ganj) would have to be those three i just listed. I never have bad trips, and have taken 12 hits at one time, so I really wasn't worried about taking these 3 doses at all. I felt them about 30 min. after dosing, a very early come-up. About an hour into it, I was tripping really hard. The sky was changing colors and I was having extreme difficulty talking to my friends that I was with. I soon realized I needed to piss and went to the bathroom and tried but to no avail. I tried for about 30 minutes and couldnt tell if I was even pissing or not, but whenever I would leave the bathroom, I had a sensation that I was pissing myself. I went back to the bathroom and this time I pissed a little but not enough and then was washing my hands. I looked in the mirror and I was suddenly covered in blood and I thought I had to be pissing blood. This really freaked me out and I began to think I was dying. I told my friends, who were also tripping very hard what had happened. I really freaked one of my friends out and he responded with anger, which sent me over the edge. I was more scared than I have ever been in my life. I genuinely thought I was pissing all my blood out (I wasn't even pissing at all) and that I was going to die. I proceeded to run out of the house to the emergency room against the advice of all my fellow trippers. (BAD DECISION!). My memory fades after that.

This is what I do remember.

As I laid in a hospital bed, with a needle filled with some sort of sedative in my arm, a very large dose of LSD running through my bloodstream and nurses, cops and doctors attacking me with completely irrelevant and wordly questions, I learned what it is to die. My entire life was shown to me, almost as if it was a movie, and unlike my waking everyday life, extremely filtered, I saw it all, from the dark feelings and memories of my childhood that I long ago erased, to the many moments of complete and total ecstasy I take for granted to all of those in between. I saw the souls of dying children and one in particular appeared to me in chilling detail and reassured me that death was part of this continuous cycle that none of us, no matter how much we act like our shit is together, completely understand, or even begin to understand. Suddenly, all the primal fear and feelings of self-pity that had engulfed my mind and body for the beginning of my trip and brought me to this hospital in the first place, left me. They were replaced by feelings of empathy for so many people did not deserve the cards they had been dealt in life. Feelings of complete ease and comfort with my fate, and trust in a higher power that I was completely aware of in a way that I never had been before. I was surrounded by white light and everything disapeared. I walked into a set of doors and was confronted by some sort of entity. The entity pointed told me that it wasn't my time to die, but that I would never be the same person that I was before this experience. I realized then that to be afraid of death is to be afraid to live, because without death, there is no life and without life there could be no death. The cycle is never-ending and we cannot escape it. I realized the insignifigance of me, a tiny speck in this endless universe, and how selfish my fear was. I heard the most beautiful music I have ever heard in my life as the entity disapeared into a haze of white. The music got louder and this white fog was replaced with colors and shapes and all kinds of seemingly random images and associations. As I felt myself returning to my physical body, I thought about the people I care about, friends and family and how my death would affect them. I became more in tune with reality, though still in a completely different reality, I was back in my body and felt very relieved that I wasn't actually going to die tonight. I spent the rest of the night in a state of shock and probably making even less sense than I was when I first ran into the emergency room yelling about dying and whatnot at 1 in the morning. This was definitely the most profound spiritual experience of my life and made me realize that I have not been taking proper care of myself for a very a long time. It was also probably the most frightening experience of my life and really has left me wondering a lot of things. I don't think I was respecting the drug as much as I should have and it's way of kicking my ass and teaching me a lesson. I also feel as if a part of me really did die that night, and for the past few days, since this experience, I've felt like my ego is just slowly returning to me. I've realized that all my trips so far have been trying to tell me things and I just haven't been able to pick up on that until now, and I just really needed an experience like this to put things in perspective.

I could talk/write about this experience forever, but I really don't think words can do it justice. I think it was a very beneficial experience and I deffinitely learned a lot from it, but I really never want to go back to that place, wherever I was, again.

I'll deffinitely trip again soon, but I have a new found respect for the drug after this and will treat it as a sacrament and not just another way to get fucked up. I've always been into the spiritual aspect of tripping and I have had my share of spiritual experiences on hallucinogens, but NOTHING like this.

 

Your ego is always going to return so long as your alive. The ego is a product of the lower mind and the lower mind is required in order to live, for memory and survival purposes. However if you can learn to simply watch the process of memory and ego, to be aware of thoughts as they arise and fall away, and watch your own behaviour as well as others from your heart rather than from your eyes and without forming concepts, than you are truly living in the now and will have discovered what many people are blindly looking for.

"I ain't often right
but I've never been wrong
It seldom turns out the way
it does in the song
Once in a while
you get shown the light
in the strangest of places
if you look at it right"
-Grateful Dead

 

Wow, very good read, thank you for posting.

I think it's more than just a little significant to death, I've also had lots of these feelings before the first few times i dropped. The first paragraph had me giggling til you felt you had to split to the hospital.

Pretty wild man, but very real, I too look at LSD as a sacrament and nothing like a drug. It can show you so many things, you can better yourself entirely if you are willing. Glad you ended up alright!

 

that's quite a tale. rapture in the ER! great stuff. even experienced trippers need a bit of humbling I guess

 

That's really intense, but at the same time it's beautiful. Thank you for posting this, because this is a story I needed to hear. I too, take a lot and have never had a bad trip.You reminded me that even I am not above a bad trip, and it could happen at any time. I'm sure this was a terrifying experience, but it sounds like it was for your own good, and it seems like your life now has a renewed and humbling perspective.

I am happy to hear that you plan on tirpping again in the future. It proves that you have a strong character and are able to come back into reality and thrive. So yes, I need to admit that bad trips can happen to anyone, even those of us who are capable of controlling our mindsets during high dosages. However, some people would not be able to come back from a trip like that, rather they might sulk in that negativity for quite some time. Props. and again thank you.

 

Yeah, I honestly didn't believe I could have a bad trip. This experience proved me wrong. I mean shit, I've tripped probably 100+ times in my life altogether, in almost every circumstance imaginable, and this one pretty moderate dose really took me to a place I have never been before. And yeah, pissing blood? what the fuck was up with that? I have never heard of anyone IMAGINING that they were pissing blood. I was literally running around the house with my dick out yelling about pissing blood. One of the kids who was there deff thinks I'm a pretty weird motherfucker now. He had only tripped twice before this and was yelling shit at me like "can you not handle it?" or "have you never tripped FACE before?", just being a real deushebag. My friend who's house I was staying at was the only one who was being reasonable and even he was too tripped out to tell if I was really pissing blood. The people in the hospital handled the situation completely wrong, they told me I was overdosing and they couldn't help me until I answered all their bullshit questions about where I got the LSD. They also gave me a catheter which was extremely painful, especially when tripping. At one point I got mad at the nurse interviewing me and ran out of the room and jumped over the front desk of the emergency room and tried to escape, but a cop grabbed me and threatened to tazer me, so I just layed on the floor and didnt respond for like 15 minutes until my friend, who came with me to the hospital, who was also tripping face, convinced me that it was best to do what the cop said. I was acting completely nuts and I'm really lucky I had no legal consequences.

My advice is, unless you are really hurt or have taken something other than LSD, Mushrooms or any other psychedelic that you know can't kill you by itself, don't go to the hospital or call 911. TRIPPING IN A HOSPITAL IS NOT FUN! It's trippy as fuck, i'll give you that, but as soon as I realized I wasn't going to die and I was just having a very bad trip, I felt like a complete dumbass. I spent all night there and got myself in a bunch of shit with my rents. Deff handled the situation incorrectly. I should have waited for a sober person whom I trust to arrive at the house (which would have been any minute) and asked them their advice.

I'm currently reading the Tibetan Book of The Dead and it's really given me a lot of insight into this whole thing. I recommend it.

 

And a second timer gave you Hell...that's BS. I've been tripping before and couldn't tell if I was peeing on myself, it's intense, but pissing blood that's a huge ordeal! That's why tripping on your period (sorry if its TMI) can really suck/be scary. And then everyone else has a headfull of lucy as well and they can't tell either. SCARY!

And what jerks for makig you answer questions about where you got it...just tell me if im pissing blood Dam*it! Jeez

as for the Tibetan Book of The Dead, I'm mad impressed. I was styding Tibetan Buddhist philosophy for the past five months (in India) it was amazing! The books on my list! It sounds incredible...dude and if you feel like you got a glimps of the past, thats just stellar! What a rough night, but it seems like you got a lot from it!!

 

Yeah, when I was peaking and completely convinced that I had died, I saw a bunch of random images and memories that I suddenly remembered but have actually never experienced in my life. Such as seeing "my dad" being shot in the head by a man in a ski mask and then the gun turning to point at me. The man I saw as my dad, wasn't my dad at all, looked nothing like him. But I instantly recognized him as my dad and was filled with heart-wrenching despair as I saw him being shot, almost in slow motion. I also was transported to some sort of field in some intense heat and I was being yelled at in some asian language but I understood that I was being told to work harder if I wanted to eat tonight. I think these and a few other random images I saw that night might have been glimpes into my past lives. I've also been having some intense fucking dreams since this experience.

 

Wow. I'm fascinated by the whole reincarnation thing. I'm glad you shared that too

 

yeah I've been seeing a lot of these seemingly random events in my dreams but unlike most of my dreams, they are completely realistic and though I am having trouble remembering specific ones besides those two, I feel like they have to do with past lives or maybe just picking up on other people's energy that are still living. Who knows? I think this trip has really opened me up to a spiritual world within our own plane of existence that most people don't have a clue is there.

 

WOW!!
That ski mask thing and the field thing got me thinking.

 

yeah me too haha

 

that, or you're simply getting glimpses of some of the infinite quantum possibilities that exist in a parallel universe all around us. anything that can happen does happen simultaneously, in various dimensions. I don't think the ski-mask murder thing has to be linked to you in any literal way, other than any conceivable thought does actually occur in other realities, with or without you thinking it.

 

it could be any number of possibilities, i mean it could be absolutely nothing (though i don't believe this)

but touche to this...damn that's deep

 

Yeah I get what your sayin man. The only reason I understood it as being related to me was the feelings associated with it. I KNEW that was my dad being shot, and for that split second I felt like another person, but still me. Idk its really hard to explain, especially being written out like this. Anything is possible though.

 

I believe it definitely was you experiencing it. different quantum realities are described as being real only as far as human perception is concerned. just as your visions seemed real dreams in general seem real and I submit that they are just as real as our current fixed reality. with the ego partially dissolved or the conscious mind asleep, the other quantum realities are visible and real to the dreamer/psychonaut. the part of you that generates infinite realities is active and whimsical.

 

Whether or not what I saw was really a glimpse into a past life or as you say, a different quantum reality as experienced in a dream-state, I cannot be sure. Most of my dreams before this experience were pretty unrealistic, however, when I wake up and analyze them. These dreams, and the ski mask and field things I saw during my experience the other night, were different than anything I've ever experienced, I can't really explain it in a way that gives it any justice.

It really boils down to whether or not I believe in reincarnation, and I can't say whether I do or don't. It seems like a logical possibility though. However, it is just as likely that at the time these images served some other purpose and I am not remembering my feelings correctly. My memory of the whole experience is slightly cloudy. I do remember after leaving my physical body, the entity I encountered gave me complete understanding and enlightenment and for a split second, I understood it all. I lost all concept of ME and YOU and simply WAS. I understood it all. I I remember this feeling specifically. A feeling of total enlightenment and peace. Then the spirit informed me that it was time to return and that the human mind couldn't process all this and I wouldn't be able to function normally on earth with this level of enlightenment and I was returned to my body with only the memories of what happened (not all of it but some, what I have shared with you) and some of the important bits and pieces of the wisdom that the entity shared with me. My ego has since returned probably about halfway to what it was before, and it feels like it may stay at this level (i hope). I feel one with all that is around me and have literally never felt better in my life.

 

In buddhism the state I think I experienced is known as the "in between". The state between death and rebirth. It has been described by many buddhist monks who have reached this state through meditation and is discussed in depth throughout the Tibetan book of the Dead. This is why I'm leaning towards the whole past lives approach to looking at this whole thing. The author/translator of this version even uses the term psychonaut when referring to these enlightened people who have experienced the in between.

 

i feel ya brother. I hope you don't think I was trying to interpret anything for you. Just havin some fun at your expense. I didn't really know whether you were bothered by the ski mask thing, but I figured if you were I could just point out that it could be just a random quantum discharge, nbd.

I like your wording for ego death/transcendence: I do remember after leaving my physical body, the entity I encountered gave me complete understanding and enlightenment and for a split second, I understood it all. I lost all concept of ME and YOU and simply WAS. I understood it all. I I remember this feeling specifically. A feeling of total enlightenment and peace.

 

Oh yeah man I need all the assistance in interpreting this as I can get. That's one of the main reasons I posted this on here, to get input from fellow psychedelic-minded people on how to interpret this experience. It really fucked with me in a way, good and bad. Mostly I feel it was a positive experience, minus the whole hospital thing and the fact that my rents think I'm a hopeless drug addict, but it left me a bit confused as to the significance of some parts of the experience and I actually really appreciate your input. If you think of anything else related to this, don't hesitate to share it. I'm trying to get as much from this experience as possible.

I'm just hoping I can channel my next trip into this same spiritual realm without all the negative feelings and fear that came with it. I think I will be able to (to a certain extent), and if I can remain calm and collected. The only problem is that the fear of dying and certainty that I was nearing my own death was what brought me there in the first place. I probably won't have another near-death experience and I don't really want or need that. I want a more positive introspective trip where I can really dig deeper into this whole thing.