hey guys, I know there are prolly thousands of threads like this one... but i read most of them...and i dont think any of them really apply to me. I just recently decided to come out. I did to one of my friends he took it way better than i wouldve thought but i did come out to him because i knew 150% sure that he would accept me before i even came out...and for some reason he already doubted it too... But on the other hand, i just cant bring my self the courage necessary to come out to anyone else... i wanted to come out to another friend pas weekend..but once again i couldt and i want to come out to my younger brother...but oh god im sure u all know how hard that is specially when he acts pretty homophobic all the time, but i knw he will do his best because we are pretty close....but im still scared of how it will be after i come out to him...i want to come out to everyone, but dear god that is the hardest thing i think anyone has to do in their whole lives...im just so happy for those who came out and their life is so nice...i envy that... i just feel like skiping this phase....ugh its so annoying well anyways...it would help me to get a little help from those who have passed by there in their lives...and hint on how i can bring it up or end it or even whatever comes in the middle....its so hard to be a gay man in society (though i think i came out of the first phase ever to accept the fact that i am gay....a month ago it was hard to just write that....well naywayz...hope i get at least a little help c-ya
i cant really give you any good advice seeing as i haven't come out yet either, but to get more responses you could try posting in the coming out and confused forum too.
My advice...The fact that you've only come to grips with your homosexuality is a sign that you may be rushing things. I think you may just need to become more comfortable with yourself first, get the feel of things and accept who you are. Once you're there, coming out will be less strenuous. But dont put it off...Sometimes you just need to do these things, even if it isn't the most fun thing to do. You wont regret it, I promise.But yeah. Take your time Not too much though!
Once you come out, it's kinda hard to go back in. Less than it was, I guess, but some people will never believe you. I think, deep down, you'll know whether it's a phase or not, whether it's worth telling anyone or not. If there's one thing I'd do differently, I think I'd just have got on with my life and not bothered to come out until it actually came up. It feels like a tremendous weight off your shoulders, but it doesn't really change your life so much in the long term. Again, you know your situation better than anyone. But never the less, you could do worse than giving it a little time, and just telling those with whom you feel safe sharing.
wow thanx guys, i really do feel like im in some kind of circle of close friends...well i am comfortable with about 75% of friends....but its just the little fear of them hating me from then...i know people say if they dont accept u for who u are, then they arent real friends....but i know they are....its just that the other 25% and the 75% might not react to homosexuality...not the fact that i am different its just that i am not how they are on that field of play....well thanx guys...ill be sure to take it slow and wait till im ready....though i do feel bad about keeping those close to me in the dark....and just for the record i am SURE its not just a "phase"
OK, my advice then: tell people individually, in confidence at first. It'll help you get past the peer pressure that people might feel to react badly, and it'll give you the opportunity to gage their reaction. It'll also prevent any accusation that you're just doing it for the attention or "to be fashionable" (can't believe that's still doing the rounds!). Re the "if they don't accept you" line, I do feel that, while that is at least worth keeping in mind, you need to give people time sometimes. You can end up worrying so much that you interpret anything as them "not accepting" you. I, and a friend of mine a lot more so, used to get cagey about people making gay jokes in my company. Now I'm far more bothered when people start making the joke and then feel like they have to stop or apologise to me. I mean, it's nice that they care how I feel, but I figure that, if the joke's funny, I'll laugh, and if it's not, it wouldn't be funny whether I was there or not. OK, bit of a tangent. But the point is, you know what's okay and what isn't. So while you shouldn't feel like you have to put up with something you don't want to, you also shouldn't feel that you have to chastise people for things that you personally aren't offended by because you've been told that people have to accept you. Certainly with guys, they do take the piss out of each other, and latch onto any silly little quirk someone may have. Doesn't mean they think any less of that person - if anything, it shows that they like them, enough to rib them a bit, rather than having to watch their words all the time. Just my thoughts, of course, and I don't want to try and second guess you.
They don't hate you for being gay, they hate you over frustrations over hetero. It'll be more obvious when those your age get older, its only the guys that don't do well with women that are stupid about it
I wouldn't know, but I'm sure this would be hard. Wait until the time is right, It's going to be a very hard thing, I'm sure! I do however know that almost everyone I've surrounded myself with, all have absoloutley nothing against gay's, homo's or lesbians. If you come out, and they don't accept you, then personally I wouldn't want to be their friends for being so judgmental., yanno? The way I see it, I'd come out, and if they don't accept it, they aren't good friends anyways. GOOD LUCK!
hmm... im going to say That it does depend on your personality. If you feel trapped by your false identity, or feel that it will infact help you in your relationships, then i think that it's an important step to take. As for who to tell, well homophobia is really "uncool" now in the younger years, at least in my grade, so that definitely makes it a bit easier. I have't come out to my parents yet because i know they're very religious/conservative. For me, I have a lot of fun having close girlfriends and so coming out to a lot of them plus a few guy friends helped me become more genuine and make healthier relationships. Because you know that that is your true self, and that you can say whatever and laugh about it without faking anything. Like you, I had to get used to the idea and accept it for myself, it took me 2 years since when i realized i was gay. I think that once you start coming out, the feeling is kind of addictive, because each person you come out to makes it easier and gives you more confidence. DONT WORRY! DONT STRESS! HAVE FUN! BE YOURSELF! However, I have heard of a few bad cases with unaccepting parents which makes me very wary of telling my parents. I think you should try waiting until you're 18? Just so they don't have full rights over you.
Thanks a lot for your advice guys, Just so you know I am 23, and I recently came out to my younger brother. It was kind of the main purpose of this thread, you guys really helped me. He was completely fine and his first question was "How do you know", but his first reaction was "It's your choice, I am still your brother" I had to explain to him that the choices I had was only to live a life full of lies or a life where I am me...He still doesn't grasp the concept that being gay isn't really MY choice....but he is getting there slowly but surely
