Spanking your kids

I have mixed feelings about spanking, but i have seen several of the mothers who i have babysat for spank their children on many occasions.

 

Well I was thinkning about this...and you know how a lot of people say "oh it's always been done it must work" well...how do you feel about the adults walking around? How is that state of the world anyway? Do you think there would be so much hate and violence if kids weren't brought up with it?

 

Spanking? No, I'm not for that. That's not to say that someone who chooses to spank their children is being abusive (although some people can be), it's just not the way I like to handle disciplining my kids. It just doesn't feel right.

 

Never thought of if as sexual abuse but I definately see!!!! My mother always used to smile and laugh when she hit me and hurt me, like she was getting secret pleasure from it. YES, smile and outright laugh, while I was crying. No, I haven't forgotten. I don't remember much from my childhood, I wanted to forget each day as it had passed....But I DO remember those instances.

Slapping, spanking, hitting DOES DO DAMAGE. Don't listen to the hard people on here who have no feeling at all.

Namaste
Francine

 

WHorseTurtle I'm sorry! It hurts me to read that *hugs*

 

I got spanked, both athome and at school and quite severely in some cases. and I can tell you its not the end of the world. a spanking may cause some temporary pain but its a lot better than raising weak children that can't handle the world not spanking to protect them from pain certainly can cause that.

I'll admit some of mine were abusive but theres a fundamental line between spanking and beating or torturing I'm very much opposed to beatings and abuse but a few smacks on the butt never hurt anybody

 

Most black families like mine still use physical discipline. It's not that big a deal. It's about making kids think twice before they do something foolish. When kids no longer fear (i mean in terms of respect and reverance) their parents , they tend to be headed down the wrong path . But these are simply value arguements. There is no real or de facto proof that it's wrong or right.

 

through the whole time i was growing up, i was probably spanked maybe fifteen, twenty times.
but my dad never did it out of anger, and that was clear.
it was also clear why i was bein punished.
i reflect on that and strongly believe my brothers need that in their lives.
my dad made it known there were his rules in his house, where i was.
i did what i was expected, and my dad never took it too far.
i think without that little bit of physical discipline, my manners wouldn't be as on point.
i'll probly be the same way with my kids.
i mean i got caught stealing i didn't get whipped, it took a lot, like the third time

 

That's a good point. It IS wrong when it starts to get excessive. But if kids realize they can treat people however they want and do what they want and all their parents will do is talk to them , how is that gonna have any effect? I woulda laughed at my parents and my grandmama if they gave me a "stern talking to". But i felt the wrath of the switch , extention cord , wire hanger , and the almight back hand of an angry black mother . So whenever opportunity arose for me to do the things that just got my ass kicked , I would involuntarily think twice.The kids will just not respect the parents.

 

My parents spanked me and I turned out fine. I don't have any memory or feeling of being abused, or scared, or anything. It was never excessive, out of anger, or anything like that. It was a punishment, and that was clear.

My mom also bit me once, because I used to be a bit of a biter, and she figured I wasn't believing her when she was saying, "ow that hurts" so she gently bit my hand. I never bit anyone again, apparently.

 

It's abuse. And I think it's the easy way out.

It takes much more effort to redirect my toddler when she is getting into trouble than it would to just smack her. But it's worth it.

Respect goes both ways. Even with children.

 

i don't think we are talking about toddlers...
how can you be down for God stabbing and not spanking your own child??

 

My son is nearing 3 years old, and although I dont give him a smack often, sometimes when he does something that he know's is very wrong and think's it's funny I smack him lightly on the butt on his diaper so it doesnt cause him any harm, it just makes him embarassed and feel ashamed for being a wild boy. I dont actually believe in smacks either, but I have him only half of the week and his mother is entirely irresponsible and immature herself, so when he is not with me he is getting away with everything receiving only a scolding that he treats as a joke.

 

I was spanked when I was a kid, very rarely though. My dad would just threaten it a lot but never do it, plus I mean my dad's a big guy, he was like 6'6 220 pounds when I was a kid, so he was just intimidating haha. I don't think it's a terrible thing to spank your kid, I mean I turned out fine, I don't think I'm gonna spank my kids though, I don't wanna possibly scare them into hating me haha!

 

I cant believe you would put spanking in the same sentence as sexual abuse. I have been sexually abused and there was no spanking usually it was being plied with ice cream and candy. I spank my kids not often first because its just easier to take away privileges. But I am also not against it, do you have any kids? I have a 14yr and 11yr they have been spanked and the older one its a waste after a certain age. On the other hand when your 14yr old decides hes going to step up talking to him doesnt always do it. Especiallly when he thinks he can rule the roost. I was spanked (too hard at times) and I swore I wouldnt treat my kids the same way and i dont but I believe if more kids got a spanking they wouldnt be mouthing off to their parents in the store I hear it all the time and the parents have no control over the situation at all. My boys are very respectful and know how to act all I have to do is start counting and I usually only have to make it to two. As far as the teenager well hes 14 and he could give a shit some days and other days hes the best kid in the world. The 11yr old is easier to raise because he looks at what his brother does and decides that the consequences are not worth the bad act. One is not better than the other just one uses a little more common sense. Hopefully it lasts through teenage years to come.lol I understand your stance but I have been raising 5 kids and I believe until you go through the process of raising them voice your opion but dont judge till you have your own.

 

Yes I agree knattyk420, comparing a repremanding light spanking to sexual and even physical abuse is right about rediculous. It would be nice if we could all live in a world where every child behaved like ladies and gentlemen exactly the same, reacted the same to every punishment, and did what they were told instantly out of respect for a parent understood by calmly dealing with the situation and the behaviour. But here in the real world, kids get spanked, have gotten spanked since the beginning of life, and will continue to be spanked until the day when children are born without having to learn how to behave.

 

Here's a piece I wrote a few years ago on the subject of government-sanctioned child abuse in Canada (the first part is satirical):

Produced by the Canadian Bureau of Tourism and Child-Beating:

Are your little ones becoming excessively playful and noisy? Are they questioning your authority? Are you tired of life in a country that denies you the God-given right to physically attack them for such behavior? Well, maybe you should consider a trip to beautiful, friendly Canada. It's true, we're pacifists when it comes to babies, adolescents, and grown-ups, but we draw the line there. The Canadian government has decided that, while hitting people under the age of two or older than age twelve is illegal, youths two to twelve are fair game.

Now, before you pack those little scoundrels onto a plane, you should know that, in addition to the age-limits, there will be three further restrictions on your child-beating vacation here in Canada:
1. You may not use weapons to attack children. (Although we can recommend some international sea zones you may want to consider.)
2. You will be penalized for head-shots. (Not to worry, there are many other effective targets on a child's anatomy; call the bureau for a helpful, color pamphlet.)
3. You may not degrade or harm your child or treat him or her inhumanely while administering a beating. (Wonderfully vague and ambiguous, don't you think?)
So come to Canada, where violence against children is no longer a taboo subject.... It's a constitutionally sound right.

--Grant "Give 'em a smack for me" Pain, President, CBTCB and father of three

I apologize to those offended by the preceding words, but my sense of humor is dark, as are my feelings about the January 29, 2004, Canadian Supreme Court judgment upholding section forty-three of the Canadian Criminal Code, which allows parents and teachers to physically discipline children with the use of "reasonable force." Dr. Alisa Watkinson initiated the legal challenge nine years ago to repeal the section enacted in 1892. With a doctorate in education administration and twelve years' experience working for the Saskatchewan Human Rights Commission, she is aptly qualified to present her position that corporal punishment is a violation of children rights, contrary to the guarantees of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Despite this, the Canadian high court decided that a young person's human rights don't include security against being attacked by their parents and teachers. Proponents of the statute argue that repeal would increase the number of criminal charges against parents who are "just trying to raise their children" Professor Nicholas Bala, who specializes in child and family law at Queen's University in Kingston, Ontario, supports the court decision: "I think the majority correctly recognized that parents and teachers need to have a certain degree of discretion. We don't want the state--particularly criminal law--to be intruding into the family in an overly intrusive way."
While I certainly bow to Bala's knowledge of the Canadian legal system, I question the moral soundness of this statement. It seems as though the logic in choosing not to criminalize these actions lies primarily in a desire to avoid the resultant inconvenience that would be experienced by the criminals it would define. How can this be considered valid grounds for this court decision?

I believe that the striking of a child--by any adult--must be considered a crime. And contrary to Bala, I also believe most parents who hit their children do so more often out of frustration than as a rationally thought out method of instruction. Thus the lesson learned by the child is not merely that "doing that is bad"; instead an entire philosophy of life is formulated: "If someone does something that I don't like, I should hurt that person to make him or her stop."

A story in the London, Ontario, Free Press, "Court Upholds Right to Spank" referred to the seemingly obvious restrictions cited in my preceding parody as "strict limits." I was, and am, appalled by this, which prompted my writing the aforementioned "travel brochure." My methods, you might agree, are parallel to using the innocuous-sounding word spank when discussing child-beating.

Within the loose parameters stated, Canadians are left to trust that the concept of what constitutes "harmful" or "degrading" behavior toward a child is a matter of common sense held by all parents. I think this is irresponsible and statistically unsupported wishful thinking.

Peacelove,
Aldousage

 

Any smack or strike that actually causes a child phsycial pain is surely physical abuse. Wether it is criminal behaviour or not is not my place to judge. Like I said, when my son get's wild I give him a light smack which he doesnt even feel but rather hears and knows he is in trouble, and then I proceed to sit him on the sofa for a time out. But I will agree definitley that causing a child a true pain and a fear of a repeated pain as a consequence is an action done out of frustration and a short temper, and I would never employ that method of punishment to my son. It wasnt done to me, my 3 sisters and 4 brothers were never hit with pain growing up, only smacked and put in time out as I do and everyone of us so far has turned out fine, without feeling like we were abused and without having violent tendencies.

 

I basically raised my little brother and never once spanked him either. And toddlers and small children were mentioned earlier in the thread. Along with biting a child to teach them that biting isn't ok.

My mother wailed on me growing up. I will never do that to my child. When I get angry at my husbands behavior, I don't hit him. When someone is being an ass around me, I don't hit them either. There are plenty of other ways to get your point across. They are harder and require more effort, but raising a well adjusted non-violent kid is worth it.

 

I think that spanking is something that each parent has to decide for themselves. As a parent of a teen and a preteen I can tell you that not every child responds to the same thing. I think that the parent that yells all the time does far more damage to their children that the parent that gives the occasional spanking. If done correctly, it can be one of many valuable tools.
Like most parents, I want my children to grow into good people, the world is full of enough assholes, it doesn't need anymore. I have tried to raise my kids to think bigger than themselves, that our family and our friends and our community exsist because we contribute to them. It's kinda like that old saying " no man is an island"