I really truly do. I look into the mirror and hate the way i look and feel. i hate that my eyes are always dialated, bloodshot, droppy, or pin prick pupils. i hate the fact that instead of using drugs for enlightenment and personal discovery, i use them now to run away and hide from my problems. i have zero self confidence and i dont know what to do anymore lately things have just been going terrible. back in april a friend of mine commited suicide. we werent really close, but my best friend was really close to him. since then my best friend, chad, has gotten really bad. his girlfriend has been fucking with his head saying she loves him and hooking up, then the next day not wanting anything to do with him, then going back to saying she loves him. his mom cheated on his dad and now his dad is an alcoholic. my friend chad has been drinking 7 days a week now and has already attempted suicide once and ended up in a mental ward at a hospital. just on friday i was on acid and came over to his place but he was drunk and was gonna jump off his 4 story balcony. i diddnt know what to do since i was tripping and all and we both just broke down crying. another issue is that im completly in love with this girl ive known for about 5 years now. shes gorgeous, smart, funny, jsut perfect. but shes dating another guy right now even though she has said she still has feelings for me. honestly, i would marry her if i could. i would die for this girl. shes one of the only 3 people i care about in my life. Her, Chad, and my older sister. and i kill myslef by going to see her almost every day even though her boyfriend is there half the time and i get even more depressed than i already am. i wanna get over her but at the same time i dont want to and i dont think i can. then ive got issues with my dad about how he left my mom, sisters, and me and now comes back and expects to be a major part of my life. with all this i dont know how to cope with it and started drinking more and more. now im binging on heroin. havnt been sober from it in 2 1/2 weeks. im so scared that ive become addicted. i wanna completly quit drugs. all drugs except maybe an acid or shroom trip every now and again. but i dont know what i would do without these couple hours to feel better about myself and to run and hide from my life. The girl i talked about, Jude, started crying when i told her id been using heroin and she begged me to quit drugs. i told her i couldnt promise anything becase i dont wanna make a promise i probably wont keep but i told her id try. i diddnt even make it 12 hours without getting fucked up. i hate this, i hate hurting everyone around me that i care about. Jude is now crying all the time becasue shes so upset to see me imploding and chad is worried about me with my heroin while im worried about his suicidal thoughts. my mom doesnt know everything thats going on but she knows something is wrong and my older sister knows everything expect the drug parts. i hate hurting these people but i do it all the time. ive done it for years and i cant stand it anymore. saturday, Jude called me up when i was piss drunk and was crying, begging me to tell her what was wrong but i broke down and said i couldnt since last time i talked to her drunk i yelled at her and said alot of fucked up stuff that i cant even believe i said. i just dont know what to do anymore but i know i cant go on like this.....i just wanna be happy again......
Man, quit the drugs. That's all I can say. Get your fucking head straight, then decide what to do about all the rest of it. You can't get your life straightened out through a drug haze.
i agree with zorba. you probably are not going to be able to face and overcome your problems with anybody without first confronting the what is wrong with you. imho, it will take honest and deep help for you, whether it be from within or from another, before you can productively handle other situations. good luck
it's sad that life gets so fucked up sometimes. I never had a heroin problem or lost a friend to suicide, but I know what it's like to feel so small that you don't even want to wake up in the morning. I hope you feel better, in my opinion you should try to lay off the drugs (or atleast cut back) and try to talk to this girl Jude about what's on your mind. it sounds like she cares about you (obviously) and she's probably one of the only people who can make you feel better. good luck w/ everything
Quit heroin man! But I don't think you will able to do this alone. You need to seek help immediately!
This broke my heart. Mr. Morrison I really wish the best for you! I think it is time to reach out to the ones who love you. Your mother, anyone who you know will help you. The people around you want to see you succeed want to see you live a fulfilled life, they want to see you happy. Its great that you can identify what is wrong with you, but now it is time to change it. I really wish also the best for your friend chad. There are also hotlines you can call in your area...not sure which ones but just google them if you wish to just talk to someone. They are always [FONT="]anonymous, and sometimes it just helps when someone listens. I'm not sure how to fix your troubles Mr. Morrison, but I can always listen... if you ever just need to get something off your chest you can message me on here if you wish. I really from the bottom of my heart hope that things turn around! Much love and best wishes! Keep strong and dont be afriad to ask for help. HUGZZ [/FONT]
well things are going better these last couple days. i was doing some mushrooms in the woods by myself on wednesday and i was just thinking about all of this and i had this huge realization. Jude is with this other guy. there is nothing i can do about it now. absolutly nothing. so why am i gonna stress about it and do heroin to feel better? i realized i just need to relax about it and just wait for them to break up and then worry about it! its so simple but i never thought of it like that till i was tripping. and chad has been doing much better. he stopped drinking and is starting to get better. thanks for the help guys. i really appreciate it
It sounds like you're starting to do better. Just keep this attitude, and you should be okay. All the best, man.
Glad that Chad is doing better and I'm glad that you aren't stressing about Jude. Keep hanging in there Mr. Morrison!!!
