This is something that I just wrote right now, any criticism is highly appreciated. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Thousand Mile River One million creatures Buried in sand, Awaiting the blessing that comes from my hand. One hundred cichlid surviving from birth, Swimming for miles to conquer this Earth. Parrot, frog, chimpanzee, Line up for acres to feed from me. Six billion people Eating my meat. Shopping at markets. Destroying my leaf. They come to the river, Chainsaw in hand. Mind bent on one thing, Destroying our land. The battle begins, Doomed from the start. America wins, As the creatures depart.
some criticism huh? O.k. I had to read this one a couple times. I think that the only thing that you might want to do is clearify the message you are wanting to send for it to make sense a little quicker. Other than that once I understood it I liked it.
