Dumb stoner moments.

vegetable man: funniest thing ive read :]
you were stoned, no hard feelings.


i freaked out that that day.

- once i was walking home and i was at the door and i was wondering "wtf why is it locked" and i kept jiggling the doorknob and ringing the doorbell like a million times (its a way of knowing its me to my family) and this lady answered and she flipped out on me, because i didnt't realized it was the wrong apartment complex

 

It is funny, but also kinda fucked up.


I was arrested when I was 18 when a new friend of mine and I went into his parents house to crash.
We had mad munchies, and raided the fridge and cupboards, (I vividly remember eating the best slice of Rubarb Pie ever made, and I don't even like Rubarb Pie.)
We even watched Cool Hand Luke, untill I passed out on the coach.
In the morning cops were banging on the door and we were arrested for criminal tresspassing.
It wasn't his parents house, just some random old couples place. They flipped in the morning when they saw two long hairs passed out on their couch, and called 911.


I tried to explain that we thought it was dudes parents house, but to many questions were raised.

Like if we were under the influence of drugs and/or booze.

 

oh man...
this all starts when i was thirteen years old, before my friends started smoking.
so, i got stoned to point of seeing sparkles and decided to play some football.
so, i'm running full speed and looking over my shoulder at the ball, when i distantly hear my friends yelling my name.
just as i realize they are yelling at me, i look straight and run full on into a tractor. and, wtf man, there was a pipe sticking out, right at eye level. that sucker hit me in the nose and broke it.
so, i stood up like 2 seconds after i ran into it and looked around. all i could see was sparkles and laughter.
i was kinda in shock, that shit hurt so bad. i walked home drenched in blood and told my father what happened. and again, all i saw was sparkles and laughter.

 

another golden memory to me lol
i was super baked! like back in the old days, my brother had smoked some dank with me and i decided to take a walk.
i went to the park and the sun, man the SUN was beating down so hard i was literally baked!
well, as i cross the courts and enter some grass and trees i start to hear a slight caaw! caw!
as i advance the caws! get more frequent and louder, i think maybe since i'm wearing a red shirt, the crows might be scared, so i remove it.
well, as it turns out, the crows have a good fight/flight instinct.
they started bombarding and dive-boming me.
blurs of black consumed my vision as i flailed about trying to ward the satan minions away.
a local jogger took notice and yelled if i needed aid.
fuckin help me i yelled, and the fool proceeded to throw dirt clods at the ravenous birds! a few hit me!
i soon said fuck it and ran for cover via the veranda.
man, that was an experience!

 

Short but sweet.

Went for a burn cruise with my neighbor and when we pulled into my driveway, he told me my dome light was one. I said, "Where?"

One my dumb friend did. We were raiding the grocery store really early in the morning and in the middle of the chip aisle, he pulled out his sack and basically screamed, "Dude this is some fucking bomb shit!"

There was a guy buying stuff 10 feet away. He looked us, smiled, winked, and walked away. The drive home was talking about how we should've smoked him up. Finding a guy around our ages in our republican town with dreadlocks is a rare find.

 

I remember the 2nd time I smoked ever, and walking in to my parents house and literaly laughing my head off at everything they said. Even trivial things. Like jumping beans

 

Btw do u like the drawing i did (its my sig)

 

One that happened recently was I had smoked a couple bowls in my friends yard and came back inside to enjoy some television.

She turned on her shop vac that she uses to vacuum her house and uses it on her daughter who's a little over one year old.

I saw the nozzle latch onto her clothes and all that would ensue with physics, and I lost my fucking mind. I laughed for a good 10 minutes after she was done. All I could say between my laughter was "Oh my god." and "I fucking hate you, you bitch."

I knew it wasn't that funny. The only explanation is that it was really good weed.

 

Just remembered this one.

I went with this middle aged guy I know to K-Mart after we had smoked a joint and we weren't there for a reason we were just checking shit out. Then he was like, "Fuck dude we need butt wipe." Butt wipe was the name for toilet paper in the house. We're looking at all the different brands and prices. He reaches into his pocket for his money and pulls out his sack exactly when 2 people walk by. We burst into a fit of laughter and try to shake it off. After we picked out the toilet paper, out of nowhere he was like, "Let's go look at the guns!" The look on his face and the enthusiasm in his voice was priceless. So we went and looked at the shotguns for like 20 minutes.

When we got to the checkout to pay for the TP, the cashier told him the total and he gave her the money. The only problem is that he gave her $17.63 when the total was $19.34.

We were laughing our asses off in front of the cashier and she was fucking pissed. She didn't think it was quite as funny.