I need some serious adivce here...

So right now i'm applying for state medical aide so i can see a shrink... heres my deal...

I believe i have PD(panic disorder).. lets go waaaaaaay back in time... grade school.. k-5 for those who dont know... i would get these moments when i would be running around and all of a sudden m heart would race and my chest would pound and i could barely breathe.. sweats.. this would happen just at home too as i remember.. sometimes felt like someone was shoving a dagger through my chest.. i brought it up to a doctor when i was young.. they put me on a tread mill and hooked me up to these machines and nothing came of it.. doctor told me it was all in my head..

years go by with this still constantly happening so i just kept it to myself.. using marijuana to help relax me whenever these attacks would happen.. beyond the recreational use(i understand marijuana CAN cause anxiety.. but im RARELy high when they take effect)

bout 3 1/2 years ago.. where i work now.. shit went down where they brought in an outside kitchen manager.. she was horrible.. i mean i was pressed with tons of responsibility and also had to fix this girls mistakes.. i think out of the month or two she was there i came into work every day i was scheduled to work.. but ended up getting these attacks again.. heart racing.. you could see my chest pounding through my shirt.. sweating profusely.. dizziness.. thought i was literally having a heart attack.. so i would clock out early because of this..

so i think "shit.. something is wrong with my heart".. im not the most in shape person in the world.. so thats what my conclusion was.. went to a doctor.. they set me up with a cardo specialist and performed an EKG.. tests came back negative.. so they wrote it off as nothing.. no follow ups.. nada...

I keep having them.. so back to what i was told as a kid "its all in my head".. then came along an GF.. now ex.. she was on Clonazepam.. and tons of other shit.. so she would let me pop her Clonazepam.. and it would make me so relaxed.. i cant really remember having too many episodes when i was taking them... then we broke up..

now a couple years later.. im still having these attacks.... heart racing.. sweats.. chest pains.. sometimes i get the chills so bad i think im about to go into a seazure.... getting so dizzy and light headed that i need to find somewhere to crash quick or i'll be on the ground.. like i said i know im not in great shape so sometimes i fear these anxiety attacks are heart attacks... and since i've never had one i dont wanna go on living just thinking im having a heart attack knowing its juts anxiety.. but WHAT IF i do have a heart attack and in my mind i go "its just the anxiety" and bam.. no more J-man....

now these attacks dont seem to have a frequency.. i can have them when im running around work... playing disc golf.. fishing.. laying in bed.. breathing too deep... just walking along... and its not like my head it always filled with negative thoughts or this sense of never ended doom... only time i feel fear is when i have them and thinking "are my chills gonna lead me into a seizure" or "am i having a heart attack"... like i can go weeks without having them.. or i can have multiples per day or per week...

recenlty i've been seeing this girl now that is also prescribed Clonezapam.. and i asked her for some.. she gave me 8-1mg pills... i've taken one here and there with some sort of frequency... and i feel GREAT.. like im not caging myself in my house im actually motivating myself to get out and about.. and try to socially interact(recently over the past couple years i have become pretty anti-social even with friends i would find some excuse not to go hang with them, and have missed out on a lot because of my maybe its more fear than hate, now that i think of it, of people)... and i havent been happy with this and it makes me depressed that im stuck in that situation.. but it seems clonazepam has brought some balance to my brain function that makes me actually wanna be out and do stuff and be social....


So back to the beginning.. im applying for medical care.. i wanna go see a shrink.. and i wanna be ABSOLUTELY open with him otherwise nothing is gonna come of this.. so do i go and tell him.. i have been self medicating myself since i was 15 with marijuana and the past recent years with Clonazepam?

any advice what so ever would be greatly helpful... and thank you for taking your time to read this....

Peace
E-roc

 

PS: Feel free to PM me since i dont frequent this area of the forums as much

 

Since there are alot of questions here i removed the quote tags. My responses will be in bold.



So right now i'm applying for state medical aide so i can see a shrink... heres my deal...

Good luck, it can be a lengthy process in many states. When i broke my back it took 2-3 months to get approved and I had a law firm handling it for me. Just stick to your guns and if they deny it, appeal it.

I believe i have PD(panic disorder).. lets go waaaaaaay back in time... grade school.. k-5 for those who dont know... i would get these moments when i would be running around and all of a sudden m heart would race and my chest would pound and i could barely breathe.. sweats.. this would happen just at home too as i remember.. sometimes felt like someone was shoving a dagger through my chest.. i brought it up to a doctor when i was young.. they put me on a tread mill and hooked me up to these machines and nothing came of it.. doctor told me it was all in my head..

This sounds like a cardio stress test. Basicaly they make you push your heart to the limits physically to see if it functions properly. If you have a panic disorder (mental) causing panic attacks, it would be very unlikley to show up in a cardio stress test.

years go by with this still constantly happening so i just kept it to myself.. using marijuana to help relax me whenever these attacks would happen.. beyond the recreational use(i understand marijuana CAN cause anxiety.. but im RARELy high when they take effect)

I know a few people who have self-treated their anxiety with marijuana. In some people it can be very effective. If it works, I see no harm in continuing to use it this way. However, don't tell a doctor that you have done this or that it has helped you. That will most likley get you labled as drug seeking in todays world.

bout 3 1/2 years ago.. where i work now.. shit went down where they brought in an outside kitchen manager.. she was horrible.. i mean i was pressed with tons of responsibility and also had to fix this girls mistakes.. i think out of the month or two she was there i came into work every day i was scheduled to work.. but ended up getting these attacks again.. heart racing.. you could see my chest pounding through my shirt.. sweating profusely.. dizziness.. thought i was literally having a heart attack.. so i would clock out early because of this..

This is pretty much a textbook panic attack brought on by external stress.

so i think "shit.. something is wrong with my heart".. im not the most in shape person in the world.. so thats what my conclusion was.. went to a doctor.. they set me up with a cardo specialist and performed an EKG.. tests came back negative.. so they wrote it off as nothing.. no follow ups.. nada...

Again, this sounds right. If the aforementioned cardio stress test came back clean and so did this EKG, you can pretty much rule out any cardiovascular issue from being part of these events. Some type of panic disorder is becoming more and more apparent here.

I keep having them.. so back to what i was told as a kid "its all in my head".. then came along an GF.. now ex.. she was on Clonazepam.. and tons of other shit.. so she would let me pop her Clonazepam.. and it would make me so relaxed.. i cant really remember having too many episodes when i was taking them... then we broke up..

Clonozepam is very effective in treating most panic disorders and doesnt have as many risks and side effects as say . . . alprazolam. Diazepam would also be a good option as a prophylactic treatment due its very long half-life.

now a couple years later.. im still having these attacks.... heart racing.. sweats.. chest pains.. sometimes i get the chills so bad i think im about to go into a seazure.... getting so dizzy and light headed that i need to find somewhere to crash quick or i'll be on the ground.. like i said i know im not in great shape so sometimes i fear these anxiety attacks are heart attacks... and since i've never had one i dont wanna go on living just thinking im having a heart attack knowing its juts anxiety.. but WHAT IF i do have a heart attack and in my mind i go "its just the anxiety" and bam.. no more J-man....

Another good indicator of a panic disorder. Some people become so afraid of having a panic attack in public that they begin developing panic attacks just by going into public because they stress themselves out so much over the thought of having one outside the privacy of their home. This is where a panic disorder can often turn into agoraphobia.

now these attacks dont seem to have a frequency.. i can have them when im running around work... playing disc golf.. fishing.. laying in bed.. breathing too deep... just walking along... and its not like my head it always filled with negative thoughts or this sense of never ended doom... only time i feel fear is when i have them and thinking "are my chills gonna lead me into a seizure" or "am i having a heart attack"... like i can go weeks without having them.. or i can have multiples per day or per week...

If you are getting them without a clear external factor, such as stress, this indicates even stronger a panic disorder. Try to find a trigger though, they are very often present even if it's difficult to recognize. If you find a trigger, do your best to avoid until you've begun proffessional treatment.

recenlty i've been seeing this girl now that is also prescribed Clonezapam.. and i asked her for some.. she gave me 8-1mg pills... i've taken one here and there with some sort of frequency... and i feel GREAT.. like im not caging myself in my house im actually motivating myself to get out and about.. and try to socially interact(recently over the past couple years i have become pretty anti-social even with friends i would find some excuse not to go hang with them, and have missed out on a lot because of my maybe its more fear than hate, now that i think of it, of people)... and i havent been happy with this and it makes me depressed that im stuck in that situation.. but it seems clonazepam has brought some balance to my brain function that makes me actually wanna be out and do stuff and be social....


So back to the beginning.. im applying for medical care.. i wanna go see a shrink.. and i wanna be ABSOLUTELY open with him otherwise nothing is gonna come of this.. so do i go and tell him.. i have been self medicating myself since i was 15 with marijuana and the past recent years with Clonazepam?

Don't tell them about the pot, or that you have taken other peoples clonozepam. That will be an instant drug seeking label and you won't recieve the best treatment possible. Also, don't ask for any medication at all. Explanin the problem, the medical tests done and let the doctor come to their own conclusion. Don't object if they don't whip out the scrip pad immediatly, they will probobly have you try behavioral therapy first, this is completly normal. I cannot stress this enough. It seems very obvious you have a panic disorder and maybe a touch of agoraphobia. Any qualified experienced mental health proffessional should recognize this.

any advice what so ever would be greatly helpful... and thank you for taking your time to read this....

Peace

Feel free to PM me if you'd like any more advice.