its been more than a few months since i tried acid. Im very apathetic now. Depressed. Ive always been that way but now even more. I learned alot from acid, I'm glad i did it, but I really let it fuck with my mind. now i feel disconnected from everything and everyone. Its like im viewing my life through my eyes but im not really present. I dont seem to get enjoyment out of life. Ive isolated myself from people and i feel lonely. But when i do try and get out and talk to people i just feel even more disconnected. I started smoking pot less and excercising more but it does not seem to help.
Someone might say that you brought to the surface something that would have arisen anyway from your subconscious that has to be worked thru. Someone might say that you would have to work thru it anyway so now is a good time to study psychotherapy books or get some professional help/prescriptions.
Sounds like you have real depression like me, Time said 1in4 have real depression compared to people who are depressed for awhile cause something happened in their life. Real depression means you where born with naturally low serotonin levels. i could take 2 hits of X and someone else would take 1 and they would be more than twice as messed up as me. everyone has different serotonin levels.
would that be when i was molested? or when i developed my socially crippling Irritable bowel syndrome. or would it be when all my freinds abandoned me. or would it be when both parents rejected me? thats a lot of bullshit to work through. ARe you telling me theres not fix-it-all pill? fuck! my reality is crumbling hahah!
not to attack you, you sexylilunicornbutt, but that hang in there response is bullshit. I know your trying to help and everything but why should i hang in there. life doesnt get better for me. since 6 years old its been all downhill.
sorry to interrupt your pity party, but apparently gentle comforting doesnt seem to be effective to you (i.e. "hang in there"). i would say that if you put half the energy you spend feeling sorry for yourself and thinking about how everything in your life is so horrible, into actually making some positive change, you'd be much better off.
First off, acid can really put you off kilter for awhile after the first time. It can take a long time, maybe six months, maybe more, to gradually collect yourself, but it will happen. Time truly does heal all wounds, the challenge is to stick around long enough to allow it to. For now, I recommend meditation and opening your chakras, especially the heart chakra. Research this, compare what different sources say on the matter, and try it yourself. And really try it, because it's so easy to give up on meditation. I'm not very accomplished at it myself but the ground I've gained in meditation has helped a ton. It's often the best thing we can do to help ourselves, and it's open to everyone.
tommy, if it's not too lame a response, 18 is a helluvan age in terms of emotional health. I was acutely depressed for about a year and figured my life circumstances warranted feeling like that. being told then that time heals all wounds didn't help at all, but it true just the same. acid is supposed to detach you from your identity; it's part of the process of seeing yourself as you are, to not attach value judgements on anything in your life. don't think that your current emotional state is unnatural or that you aren't meant to feel that way, because you are. happiness and contentment won't be possible without what you are currently feeling. you may not be able to flip it positive very easily, but when you are restored you will be glad you went through what you're going through. just know that you are not a victim and that everyone feels what you're feeling, esp. during late adolescence. in a bizarre way, you can find enjoyment in your current state. find some sorta mental outlet (writing, art) in addition to your exercise. most importantly, don't use your feelings as a license to treat others' shabbily; your healing will speed up if you show love to others even when you feel no love.
Lol. Get over your fucking demon, my friend. I was that way naturally myself, a while ago. Its a thing many people have to overcome, or learn to enjoy. You'll become happier with your life once you do.
Man, two months ago I was right in your shoes. I was not in a good place to begin with; taking lots of painkillers and morphine, drinking nearly everyday, ect. I also got into existentialist philosophy, which basically is advocating that life is meaningless. Then I dropped three tabs of acid. It was not a "fun" trip. It was dark from the beginning, and I relished that. I played lots of depressing and dark music. At the end I had a vision of me stomping on broken shards of glass. The window had been my ego, and it had been broken by previous psychedelics. So when I took the acid I was attacking the shards. After that trip I fell into a very deep depression. My philosophy on life was very dark. I saw living as meaningless, and that my world was fueled mainly by consumerism and superficiality. I seriously contemplated suicide for the first time in my life. I kept doing lots of drugs, getting slightly addicted to morphine. I hated my job. I hated my friends. I hated school. I hated everything. Slowly things do get a little more clear though. I stopped smoking weed, which I now believe amplifies and prolongs depression. You've slowed down, I'd advocate stopping completely for at least a month, two if possible. It sucks, but inebriation doesn't really lead to positive long term thoughts. I started meditating, got a new better job. Started playing video games again. It sucks, but being happy isn't something you can learn or even really get good advice on. It seems like you're trying to get back on track so just keep that attitude until things do look a little brighter. The finality of acid induced thoughts does fade with time. ~Sorry for the long reminiscent post...
You've been through a lot of bullshit in your young age. Call your local mental health hotline. Maybe they can tell you where to go for some counselling. Are you self medicating a mental health issue (depression)? You might need an antidepressant, maybe even a mood stabilizer. Hope things get better for you.
