Need reassurance, or a swift slap in the face towards reality

So, I'm new here ... just found these forums. I'm actually a moderator on another relationship board, but I can't ask my question there as people "know" me at said site, lol.

I'm a rational person, but lately my "dilemma" has gotten the better of my emotions. And I need someone to slap me into reality.

I've met someone online, and we've been getting to know one another for over a year. It's long distance, and the reason we have not yet met is because I was involved in a serious car accident, which left me recuperating for months, facing multiple surgeries that drained my finances a bit. Plus, PT, alone, took up 6 months.

I am better now, and purchased a ticket to see him in 2 weeks.

That's the backstory. I received quite a bit of brain trauma during my car accident that has resulted in heavy migraines - on and off. In December, I was put on a drug called nortriptyline to help out. One of the side effects people seem to get is weight gain.

Now, I've always been fit - have weighed 120 (I'm 5'6") since high school. On said drug I gained 30 pounds in 2 months.

I've since stopped the drug, and lost (healthily) 10 pounds. I'm sure I'll lose the next 20, in the next few months.

However, I have not sent an "updated" photo to this man. I feel bad about that as, well, I should have. It feels dishonest. But, at the same time, having never suffered from excess weight ... I'm really struggling with it. I don't recognize my body at all and just don't feel good. It doesn't help that I know his preference to be for "lean" and fit women.

My question, or request, is that someone give me a dose of reality and tell me 20 pounds are not going to make that much of a difference. And, if they do, he's obviously not with me for the right reasons.

And, on a related note, should I send an updated photo? Should I say anything like "gee sorry I gained 20 pounds, it was the drug. But, I'm working on it." That just sounds lame, lol.

Anyway, sorry for my long post and I'd appreciate anyone helping me out. Especially with that swift kick in the behind to reality. As I rully realize I'm being emotional, as opposed to rational about this.

 

Double post.

 

You're 5'6 and used to weigh 120 pounds? I don't think 20 pounds would make much of a difference, especially if you're losing it all healthily. Just exercise a lot.

One thing though, you should send him a picture. Tell him the circumstances-- how you got that way, and that you're trying your best to get back into shape. If he doesn't understand, then well... that's something to think about.

 

I agree with the above poster. Just remember, lose the weight FOR YOU...not for HIM

 

I'm only a inch taller then you, and I weighed 140 at one point, and now I weigh 120, to be honest it wasn't a huge difference on me, I'm sure he wont be bothered.

On the picture note, I would go out to a place you love, in a outfit you look amazing in and have a friend snap off a picture, send it to him saying that this is what you were up to this weekend and your friend took a picture of you.

Confidence is what men love. 20 lbs isn't a big deal.

 

Thanks. I really appreciate all the posts and advice. I know all of you are right. I like the idea of sending him a photo of what I was up to this weekend. That makes it less ... stressful. Versus "hey, here's a new photo of me. By the way, I gained 20 pounds."

I definitely do want to lose the weight for me, as I used to be a runner prior to the accident. And would love to get back to where I was. It's harder to run with 20 extra pounds than I first thought it would be!

Thanks again, I really appreciate it.

 

20 pounds is nuthin dont even worry boiut it he must know you were in a serius crash he must know u had brain traumsa and had your body battered if he wants toi be with yoiu he wants to be with u despite all that a ferw pounds wont matter
u could lose anm arm or leg and wouldnt matter
why woiuld a few pounds

be honnest tho if u feel its a big deal to you just tell him the meds added a few pounds
but he will say so what...if he doesnt..if hes upset by it then take that as your relationship barometer if a few pounds risks the relationship how stronjg could the relationship be?

be glad u got the extra weight causer if hes upset over it it shows his shallowneedss and what else would he freak out over next?


is a tiny waist all that matters to him? if so...lose the loser

if not..nothin to worry bout

 

Thanks, you're absolutely right. I appreciate it.

This is exactly what I needed. I knew these forums looked like a place for me!

 

So, I know this is old ... but I thought I would update anyway.

All of you were right. We had a wonderful time together, he didn't notice any weight gain. Actually, laughed (in a nice way) off my concerns.

I'm actually moving out to CA earlier because of the AMAZING connection we had. So, I'll be out there in mid June. And we'll see how things go.