new to the site looking for people to tell me what they think of my poems

my grandmother has always wanted me to publish a poem so i want everyones honest opinion on my poem.
Thank You


Silence
People are silenced everyday
Some for their views
Some for their power
and some are innocent bystanders
Some are silenced by money
Some, unfortunatley, by death
and some are scared to speak
But most are silenced wrongfully
I for one refuse to be silenced
People should always be able to stand up
Always being counted
Even if their views are different
i will never be silenced



Thank You again for looking at my work and telling me what you think.

 

hey man,

I don't want to be rude, because anyone's art is something that is both personal and (usually) something they take pride in. The fact that you are writing poetry (presumably a fair amount of it) at 19 means that you are hopefully serious about becoming a writer. It speaks a lot for you to put your work up here to be criticized by others as well: many are content to keep their work to themselves and enjoy the feeling of "being a good writer" without ever seeking the help and opinion of those who might be more experienced.

All that being said, there are a couple things I think you need to think about when writing poems in the future.

First: IMAGE. your poem above doesnt contain ANY concrete images. It contains a lot of abstract ideas like "silence, people, views, innocence, death, money, fear, refusal to be silenced, etc" however, a poem cannot stand up with the weight of all those HEAVY, meaningful ideas without some objects/concrete images to stand up on.
The first think you should do is think about OBJECTS/IMAGES that carry within them the ideas which you are working with. Think of things that are silent. Think of things that are innocent. Think of what might symbolize death, power, or something afraid to speak.

Second: CLICHE
This is the toughest thing for a beginning poet to get away from. A cliche is an image or idea that has been overused in society/literature to the point where it doesnt mean anything anymore.
A lot of the ideas you are dealing with in your poem, while they ARE potent and importent, are also very cliche. Things like freedom, love, death, money, innocence, power, standing up for yourself, etc are all examples of cliche.
However, those things are cliche precisely BECAUSE they are so damn important to the human experience. So we cant throw them out all together.
What we CAN do is to talk about those things that have been essentially used and used and reused until they are practically nothing in a new, fresh, surprising, and interesting way.

Think of the image "red as a rose". Think how many times you have heard/seen this in your life. You have heard it SO many times that it just comes naturally to your mind.

What you should do is say to yourself "how can I make the idea of "red" or the image of a "rose" more interesting or exciting?

what about "the hexagonal rose" or "ballistic red"? a little bit newer, fresher, right?

Third, and finally: SOUND
It takes a while to get this down, but something, as a poet, you should always be thinking about is the SOUND of your poems. how the words, phrases, and lines fit together, and how their adjacent sounds flow, or don't flow, and what that means for your particular poem.

Thanks so much for asking for input.

Please keep working, because I wrote much like you do when I was 19, and now just a couple years later I have grown immensely. What really really really helps is to read as much poetry as you can stomach. Read modern/post-modern poetry and those poets' essays on poetry. Read the classics like Wordsworth and Blake. Go to the library and check out literary journals and read the new work of up and coming poets.

And most of all, find a fruitful literary community in your hometown so that you can talk to other writers on a regular basis and share your work with them, as you can with us online.

Good luck, and always keep on writing,

-V

 

It is good to see someone 19 reaching out for feedback. I wanted to add to the post to give an example on image that happened for me in a similar situation.

image - I wrote a poem once about someone dealing with the grief of a loved one dying. I needed an image and finally found one - it came to me after some thought and trying to imagine what grief would look like if you could touch it: I came up with A large Oak tree springing up in the middle of the living room floor.

I worked that into the existing poem that was lacking images and it turned out to be one of my better poems.

Keep writing! Keep reading! Find that poetry community. As you learn your work will improve. We all start out in the same spot... some keep pushing forward. I hope you do. I see great potential from what you shared so far!