Hey I posted in the transexual forums, and the general gay forums as well, but I guess I'd fall into the category as well..so I'll just respost. I don't want to spam, I just want to introduce myself to all the folks in this community and make sure I cover all my bases ha ..so please don't hate me for reposting Maybe I don't belong in this forum, but I don't see how I couldn't I'm a woman who loves a woman... Hello everyone, I'm sure most of you don't know me at all, I used to post under donvito1122 (couldn't remember my log in information ;p ). Anyway, well recently I came out to my wife (we started dating in highschool (freshman year), and finally married a year ago) that I am a woman. Not pysically, yet at least, but I have known this since...well as long as I can remember. (I remember being six or sevenish? praying to God that I would wake up in the morning as myself). Guess what? She was fine with it! Actually since coming out she's said I'm a much nicer/happier person to be around. She's been so supportive with everything! I'm just glad that she can finally meet ME...not the shell of a person I was before. I was trying too hard to make myself a man, when I didn't even know how to be one (other than what I have learned from living as one for 19 years)....I was an idiot, but finally I can be myself. I tried my entire life to deny this, deny who I am. I was even ready to go into the military because I felt this would force me to accept how I was born...but luckily I decided against that, that would have been the biggest mistake in my entire life. Whew, it still feels so good to say it, I am a woman. I've been living 100% (or as close to 100% I can get ;p ) at home. My wife was great accepting this, she even helped me pick out a wig (and she didn't even care about the price..which I was suprised about also $500..but it's real hair so yay! I love it so much! http://wowwigs.stores.yahoo.net/athena.html I think it's pretty at least), she's let me wear her items (until I managed to pick up a few of my own), and she's starting to help me work on my voice too! I'm going to be coming out to my band this week (it's kinda hard not to...we practice here ;p)..but they have all been friends since I can remember, so I'm hoping they'll all be able to adjust....plus I'll just remind them just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I can't still play a mean drums! (I did manage to crack a nail though the other day when my wife and I were jamming...ugh.) The goal is to tell my parents, and her's (not worried about them, they are the most easy going, accepting people I have ever met), sometime in the next month or so. Any advice regarding this? I mean I'm going to do it, just very nervous about it..ya know? It's not everyday parents hear this. Either way, they can accept me or not, theres no changing whats inside. Once I let them know I'm going to start on hormones, and start living as myself 100% of the time (not just at home, around friend, etc.). Also I'm going to start seeing a psycologist/gender therapist so I can start working on my 1-2 year real life living test, and also start collecting recomendations for the surgury. I'll also start the transitioning period durring this phase, meaning changing birth certificate, drivers liscense, social security, etc. (I've been following the advances in this field since I could understand what this was, and had internet acces ;p so I'm just ready to get the process moving..but it's always good to make sure to do this properly) Finally, the overall goal is to undergo Facial Feminization Surgury, Breast Enchancement (if hormones don't take care if that ;p), Butt and Hip augmentation, and the big one Sexual Reassignment Surgury! My wife and I want to wait until we have enough money to pay for this all up front at one time (or as close as the doctors will let it happen). Again I couldn't ask for a more wonderful wife, she's so understanding, supportive, and AMAZING! I couldn't go through this without her at all! She's even fine with calling me by my new name...which I thought would be weird for her..but nope she even helped me pick one out! (she said it was a perfect choice for her hippy chick) Well, sorry for how long this was, its just great to finally, after keeping it bottled up so long, be able to acutally discuss this! Just wanted to introduce myself, and say hey! Peace, love, and health, Alice P.S: About my new name. My wife and I knew I'd have to sooner or later choose a name for myself. Here's how we picked Alice: The first reason is simply because I like the sound, acutally I've always been between Alice and Alyson for as long as I could remember. Second is a reference to Alice in Wonderland and the forrest where she can't remember her name, hence she doesn't know what/who she is. Thats how I have felt my entire life, and now that I can call myself by my name I know who I am...if that make sense to you guys. Again just saying hey, and introducing myself to these forums for the first time as myself!
wow! congrats on having such an encouraging and supportive experience so far! guess your wife is a bit of a woman lover too, eh? sounds like you've got a great thing going on... that's awesome for you! and just try and hold on to that sense of finally being accepted when you feel nervous about explaining all this to people you haven't come out to yet. it will help! and know we support you too! welcome to the world of beautiful, strong, amazing women who love women!
Ha, thanks ! I will keep that in mind though, I've come out to a few friends today already, and so far no one has even made it at all the least bit akward. Three more to go, and the whole circle here knows...now if I can just figure out how to break this to the parents.....hmmm Alice
Just an update for anyone who'd like to know. I finally came out to my best friend (he told me he pretty much knew, I would have never guessed, but he pointed out quite a bit that I was giving away without knowing). My other two close friends had no problem with it either. I also came out to my band, and while they joked with me quite a bit, they were fine with it! I sent a letter and one from my wife to my parents with the information about me, how long, story etc. (about six pages...I was a little bit wordy I guess, but emotions seemed to get in the way of logical writing). I know, cop out writing a letter, but I couldn't face them...and I tend to be able to express my thoughts better through writing anyway, soo it works. So, wish me luck with them, I really hope they still want to have someting to do with me. I also attached a very sweet letter my wife wrote to them as well, I just wanted to share it, she's such a wonderful person. Peace, love and health, Alice ______________________________ I know you’re probably in a bit of shock after reading these letters; I was too for the first few days. I think that’s the time my brain needed to really think everything through and determine what I thought about the situation. I was initially accepting, because I knew in my heart that I want her to be happy and to finally be herself. I would want that same understanding too if I was in her shoes. My only problem was that initial confusion of it, could it be real I thought? She did so well to convince me she was a he. I never would have seen this in a million years, and that’s something she even asked me, “Did you have any idea or did I hint to this in any way?†my response was no, I had no idea. I am happy to say that I fully support Al’s change to become Alice. I still want to be with her because as I soon realized that she was going to be the same person as he, but much nicer and happier, I didn’t need to hesitate to tell her that. I know it may sound strange to referring to Al as a she or as Alice, but I hope you can understand it. As I found out, gender identity disorder, or being transgendered is not from any environmental factors, but rather something that is with a person since before they were born, and that this is something I can’t deny or ignore. Since she told me about this last week I have already seen our relationship get 100% better. Once she can become fully happy with herself and love herself for who she is then she can start to love others. That’s a twist off of a principle I learned in one of my classes about love; it’s the 5 types of loving and how they intertwine with each other. This principle is already in effect and hopefully will get greater and greater as time goes by. From her putting on the “typical male†role I have to be honest, we didn’t always get along and had some trouble communicating our feelings to each other; this is something I am glad that has changed. I already feel that our marriage is now going to be stronger than ever because we want to be supportive of each other and working together and helping each other. I want you two to know if you have any questions or concerns please don’t hesitate to ask either of us, we want to help you two understand what this all means and hope that you can accept what she plans on doing. REMEMBER nothing is changing about her. She will still be the same person; just the physical appearance will be different. She even asked me if she needed to get a new jacket or boots for riding her motorcycle from now on, and I said no. So I know that nothing has changed through that statement. She’s still your child and wants you two to be a part of our lives. Also there are support and general information websites that can help explain gender identity disorder. I have also read many stories of people that have had this disorder and how they dealt with it. They were very inspirational to read and were very insightful on the disorder. If you want I can try to find some and share them with you. Lastly, I hope these letters can help you and we can’t wait to talk and discuss what you think about the situation. We hope that you two can be supportive and understand. We were so happy to hear back from George, Frank and Josh with positive feedback. I understand this is a really difficult issue to understand at first but the more we can help you fully understand it please let us know. I understand though if it’s something that you can’t come to terms with and don’t want to deal with us. Love, Amanda
