I figured I'd post on here for advice, I don't really know where else to go. Well, it might be a long story but basically I signed up for two retreats at my school which gave me a lot of off time which is always nice. But I come back to a three day weekend (last weekend) and my mom and sister and my aunt who came up for their trip left for the weekend, or until sunday. So I'm still feeling good and I just hang out for Friday and Saturday and have a good time, and I made plans for Sunday with my friend, since it was 4/20 and all. But before all this, on friday, my dad told me I should be responsible with drugs and alcohol which was really odd cause I haven't had one of those talks in a while. And on Saturday my mom called me and asked what I was doing on 4/20 and she said she'd be back early and she would stop by my friends house, which was weird, I knew something was up. But anyway Sunday comes and I get high with one of my friends in the afternoon and then meet up for dinner and at my other friends house to get high again, but he couldn't hang out so me and my friend just wandered around and wound up at this park, by this time its 9:00. My friend that stayed at home called me saying my mom was looking for me and wanted me to call, so I did and she said to be home in ten minutes which was really weird, I figured she knew what I was doing. So I was freaking out and I walked to my house and my friend told me just to drink a lot of water, take a shower, go on facebook, and to not do any math. So my mom smelled me and stuff when I came home it was really humiliating. I avoided my aunt and stuff but she tried to talk to me and she probably knew about it and stuff. So anyway that night I took about 8 dramamine pills, I don't know why, I guess I just wanted to get fucked up, and I pretty much did, but I fell asleep shortly after and whatever. Well, my aunt was leaving that morning so she tried to wake me up early to talk to me since I hadn't really talked to her, and what I think happened(I was basically tranquilized) was she pulled my sheets off and saw my arm, which has a lot of cuts on it from the night before when I wasn't feeling too well,and she told my mom that I need help. I wake up that monday at 2 cause my friend wants to get lunch, so I met him there and he keeps asking me if I'm ok, cause I guess the dramamine hadn't worn off or something and I couldn't hear much and I had trouble concentrating. Whatever, I went home and my mom gives me a drugs talk and said people said that I have smoked with my two friends and that our neighbor saw people outside my house early in the morning and almost called the cops. So my mom thinks I'm sneaking out to buy pot or something, I tell her I'm not and not to worry. I couldn't think that whole day and I couldn't do any homework and I guess that monday tuesday and wednessday I was depressedd or something, because my mom asked me if I was a few times, and if I felt ok in my head and everything, my sister told me I was acting strange and that if I needed to I could talk to her, and my dad even asked me on the way to school if anything was wrong. So I know I have been feeling bad, but I'd never considerf myself depressed, although I think on wednessday I couldn't sleep until I cut my self which was reaslly weird and it scared me I never got the urge to cut myself like that or for those reasons. And this whole time my parents tell me I can't go anywhere extra on weekends and nowhere on fridays and that my grades are dropping and my dad apparently is very worried about my future according to my mom and he even did one of my math homeworks just so I'd get the grade, I'm not motivated in school but I didn't want to make it hard on my parents or anything I feel really bad, my dad doesn't talk to me much short of telling me about school, but he works really hard and I don't want to disappoint him like that, but its to late, I'm going no where in school So I decided maybe I was just acting it up or being melodramatic or maybe just rebellious about the whole school thing so thursday I listen to higher energy music than normal and stuff, I don't go to my room, I try to talk to my family, and I spend basically all night drumming. But I still had the urge to cut myself I don't know why. And today it really sucks because I have to wear jackets to cover up my arm and its really hot, its healing and stuff but I don't want to freak people out cause I have prom tomorrow and all that. And to make things worse my sister today stole my diary and read it and told my mom that I need a psychiatrist which really didn't feel good to me, she has done that before, but she told my mom that I have snuck out at night and now my mom thinks I'm stealing pills from her or something, but I don't know. But I started running again which is good, I can't really go to track because the coach is mad cause I missed half the season but I don't know. I haven't really told anyone about all of this, and I know its not that bad but I'm not going to do drugs for a long time and I don't want to cut myself anymore and I want to try to bring my grades up, but I don't really know what to do. And thats not me, I don't want to scare people, I want to dance and all that and I don't know I just want to see straight again Thanks for reading that, I know its a lot.
I've felt like that before. When I still lived at home and smoked weed (and, yes, also tried my share of over the counter drugs in order to get fucked up) and cut myself and all that jazz, it was a bitch trying to hide everything from my parents. The hiding stopped, however, when I was 16 or so and drank some cough syrup, got high, and ended up in the psych ward because of it. I told my parents I'd tried to kill myself (with 300 mg of dextromethorphan; I still have no idea why they believed me) because at the time it was easier than admitting that I liked to get fucked up. Eventually I felt really horrible for lying to them and came clean. They weren't happy about the drugs, but then again, what parent would be? I don't really know what I'm trying to say here (extreme lack of sleep.... gah.) but I feel you man, the high school years blow. If I were you, I wouldn't take any more dramamine.... I've never done it, but I've taken wayy too much diphenhydramine (benadryl, very similar chemical) at once, and it's definitely not the best high ever. In fact, it's one of the worst. I'll admit that I'm not the most mentally stable person, and that stuff just fucks my mind up in an awful way. Don't do it! And your sister is a bitch for stealing your diary.... that's really low of her. Just remember that nothing is permanent. I'm sure that if you stay away from the drugs (well.... excluding weed, unless you feel that it's playing a part in making you feel out of it) for awhile, get your mind straight, you'll feel better soon. Cheers.
your on a downhill path. you can't control things on your own. you need to see a psychologist who has training in addiction and abuse. if you don't ask for your parents help in this matter then, the school will most likely call in social services who will have you committed and/or taken from your family and put in foster care. your getting dangerously close to blowing it really, really, big time! it's quite clear your family loves you dearly and, are scared shitless for your welfare! DON'T BLOW IT NOW! see a psychologist first!
yea i totally agree about the psychologist or therapy but in talking to you you say that you can handle it and although i believe you can i think it would really benefit you and in truth we all need a little help and i think therapy could benefit everyone!
Dude, I feel your pain. Self-harming, dropping grades, and doing shit to fuck yourself up a little. I'm there with you, but with less drug use. For me, I get stressed out to much. I have gotten so freaked out about things in life that I get my self sick, literally. And I've seemed to have adapted a careless attitude to most everything, till a point where the consquences of reality seem inevitable, then I freak out and handle it badly. But like you were saying, I really want to get things back to "normal" but I don't know how. I don't know how to deal with life and all this stress in a good way. I've went to a doctor about the headaches i get all the time, they are blaming stress, duh. My doctor and my mom think I could benefit from seeing a psychologist, and my mom doesn't even know half of the story of how messed up I get sometimes. I am actually wanting to go though. I know when it does come time to see a shrink I'll freak out, but I really think I can benefit from it and learn how to deal with things better so I can everything together again. Maybe talking to someone is trained to know how to help you would be a good thing.
Well, I'm feeling better, I just started being around people more and doing what I like, or trying to and keeping myself occupied. My arms healed up I stopped cutting myself because my mom saw my arm and said that if I was that she'd have to stop a lot of things (including my trip to China this summer) but she didn't think I was cause she doesn't think "I'd do something like that," I went to prom and had a lot of fun, that really helped, my girlfriend was really supportive about it, so I decided I don't want to drag anybody into this or fuck up my parents lives and stuff so I'll try to lighten up. And I've been doing fine,m I've been relatively on top of my homework and stuff so I'm feeling way better than last week for sure. But yea I don't think a psychiatrist would help, I'm feeling better I've only felt like cutting myself once and I'm hanging around people more at school and stuff along with running again so I think I'm fine.
wow that sounds really great D_man good job! and yea a psychiatrist is kinda alot but dont ever forget about a psychologist or someone you just talk to psychaitrists do the whole med thing but wow sounds like your doing great keep up the good work do things that make you feel better and i'm sure you will be great!
Dude, good for you. I'm still working at getting everything together. I panic easily and am struggling with dealing with it. But that's awesome.
d_man keep on doing awesome! all that stuff is in the past and dont worry about dealing with it again. just learn your lesson and be done widdit!k coo..peace-stay safe!
