A Message to the Anti-Smoking Nazis: My thoughts.

Alright. So I'm a really nice guy. Really. But one thing that REALLY grinds my gears is the ever-growing infestation of Anti-Smoking Nazis in this country.

You know who i'm talking about. The people that believe everything theyhere on a television commercial, just because the marketing campaign is called "Truth".

And thats not the thing that gets me. I dont mind if other people do not want to smoke tobbacco, and I dont mind going outside for a smoke (Smoking Ban). But what really agitates me is when people preach to me about how unhealthy my smoking habit is.

Here is a little fact for all of you.

I know it is an unhealthy habit!

(whooaahhh)

But the fact is that I ENJOY it, and personally, I think many people put too much emphasis on what things do to you physically, instead of mentally and spiritually. So from now on, you can tell me whatever you want about my DIRTY, GROSS, and SMELLY habit and I will reply with a drag of smoke aimed directly at your face.

What kills me though, is that smoking is shunned in our society now, but alcohol is looked at a a safe, fun, and clean substance that is able to advertize on television.

Just sit on that for a second

When is the last time you heard of a guy beating his wife and children because of the feeling of a cigarette buzz?

When is the last time you heard of a guy beating his wife and children while under the influence of alcholol? Not to mention drunk driving?

Now really America

WHUDAFXUP?

 

Agree 100%

 

THIS IS FOR YOU BUDDY TAKE TIME AND READ IT *L* if you like i'll tell you were to download


Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And fuck you.

There's a guy- I don't know if you've heard about this guy, he's been on the news a lot lately. There's a guy- he's English, I don't think we should hold that against him, but apparently this is just his life's dream because he is going from country to country. He has a senate hearing in this country coming up in a couple of weeks. And this is what he wants to do. He wants to make the warnings on the packs bigger. Yeah! He wants the whole front of the pack to be the warning. Like the problem is we just haven't noticed yet. Right? Like he's going to get his way and all of the sudden smokers around the world are going to be going, "Yeah, Bill, I've got some cigarettes.. HOLY SHIT! These things are bad for you! Shit, I thought they were good for you! I thought they had Vitamin C in them and stuff!" You fucking dolt! Doesn't matter how big the warnings are. You could have cigarettes that were called the warnings. You could have cigarrets that come in a black pack, with a skull and a cross bone on the front, called tumors and smokers would be lined up around the block going, "I can't wait to get my hands on these fucking things! I bet you get a tumor as soon as you light up! Numm Numm Numm Numm Numm" Doesn't matter how big the warnings are or how much they cost. Keep raising the prices, we'll break into your houses to get the fucking cigarettes, ok!? They're a drug, we're addicted, ok!? Numm Numm Numm Numm Numm *wheeze*

I'm a little hyped up tonight. Little hyped up. Smoked a nice big fat bag of crack right before the show. "Agghhhh!!" I'm only kidding folks. I would never do crack. I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass. Ok folks? Kind of a personal guideline in my life. Somebody says, "You want some crack?" I say, "I was born with one, pal! I really don't need another one. Thank you very much! If I want the second crack, I'll give you a call, but for right now I'm sticking with the solo crackola, thank you!" God.. crack. Only in America would a guy invent crack. Only in America would there be a guy that cocaine wasn't good enough for. You know? One guy walking around New York City back in 1985 going, "You know, that cocaine's pretty good, but I want something that makes my heart explode as soon as I smoke it, ok? I want to take one suck off that crack pipe and go *snort* *splat* Now I'm happy! I'm dead, the ultimate high!"

That's the problem in this country. People are never satisfied with stuff the way it is. You gotta make it bigger and better and stronger and faster. Same way with pot. For years pot was just joints, and then bongs came out and bongs were ok too, but then bongs weren't good enough for some people. "Neeehhhhhh!" Remember that friend in high school wanted to make bongs out of everything. Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit? Come in one day and find your friend going, "Hey! Look man, I made a bong outta my head! Put the pot in this ear and take it outta this one! Good! Take a hit! *snort*" Then they got one of those big giant bongs that you gotta start up like a motorcycle. "Put the pot in!" *motor starting* Kids are driving their bongs down FDR Drive. "Pull the bong over man, I wanna do a hit. Pull it over!"

What was the problem with just smoking a joint, eating a couple of Twinkies, and going to sleep? Was that a problem? They say marijuana leads to other drugs. No it doesn't, it leads to fucking carpentry. That's the problem, folks. People getting high going, "Wow man, this box would make an excellent bong! *snort* This guy's head would make an excellent bong! *snort*" Relax! That's why I stopped doing drugs in the first place. Not because I didn't like 'em, but because I didn't want to build anything, ok?

I don't do illegal drugs anymore. Now I just do the legal drugs. Tonight I'm on NyQuil and Sudafed. Let me tell you something, folks. Forget about cocaine and heroine. All you need is NyQuil and Sudafed. I'm telling you right now, I took the NyQuil five years ago. I just came out of the coma tonight before the fucking show! Claus Vanbulo was standing over my bed going, "Denis, get up! There's something the matter with Sunny! Hurry up!" I love NyQuil. Man, I love it! I love it. I love it. I love it. It's the best thing shit ever invented. Isn't it, huh? I love the name alone. NyQuil - Capitol N, small Y, big fucking Q! I love that fucking Q, don't you!? What a great advertising idea! Put a huge fucking Q on the box. They'll get high and stare at it. "The Q is talking to me! The Q is talking to me!"

I love NyQuil, man. Because NyQuil has never changed, man. It's never changed. All the other medicines are doing that inner-child thing. "we know that there's a small child inside of you, so now we have grape and cherry and orange flavor." Not NyQuil! They still have the original green death fucking flavor! You know why!? Because it doesn't matter what it tastes like! It's so strong you go, "*wheeze* Hey this stuff really tastes like.." Bang! Yer in the coma already! "What happened?" "He said tastes like and he went right into the coma, it was unbelievable!" We have reached the point where the over the counter drugs are actually stronger than anything you can buy on the street. It says on the back of the NyQuil box, on the back of the box it says, "May cause drowsiness." It should say, "Don't make any fucking plans! Kiss your family and friends goodbye. Say hello to Klaus!" NyQuil, NyQuil, NyQuil, we love you! You giant fucking Q!

NyQuil is the secret for all you twelve step recovery program people. Yes, all you AA people, NyQuil is the key! It's the thirteenth fucking step! You can drink it! It's over the counter! Drink as much as you want. "Are you drunk?" "No! I have a cold. Same cold I've had for two years. I just can't seem to shake it. I'm high as a kite and my teeth are green. Merry fucking Christmas!"

Drugs man. Capital D, drugs. I did my share. I did my share, and your share, and his share. I did a lot. I grew up in the seventies. That's when drugs were drugs, man. We did them all, God dammit! We did every fucking drug there was to be had. We did them all! We did stuff that people don't even do anymore. Like Ludes. Remember Ludes? "Ludes, man. Fucking Ludes, man! Come on and pull up the Ludes, man! Fucking Ludes!"

I think Ludes explained why we were wearing the giant flair bell bottom pants and the platform pants. What do you think!? I think it's the only possible explanation! There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothing that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid! Yeah, ok, yeah. People don't understand, man. Back in the early seventies, you couldn't buy anything except bell bottoms. There were no straight pants in the fucking stores, ok? The only way you could be a cooler guy, was to get bigger bell bottoms. We used to sit around and get high and go, "Man, when I some money, I'm getting the biggest bell bottoms in history, man! They're gonna start at my neck and go twenty feet straight out, man! I'm gonna be surrounded by ninety feet of bell bottoms! Homeless people are going to be living under my pants, man! I'll have platform shoes. I'll be twenty feet tall."

We did 'em all. Man, we even invented a couple of drugs back in the seventies. Yeah. Get this, Wippets. See, some people laugh, and the others need an explanation. Get this, ok? Some kid figured this out back in the seventies, and this kid should have been involved in the space program, ok? Some kid took the time and the imagination to go down to the supermarket and figure out if you take a whip cream can container and you press the nozzle on top, just enough before the whip cream comes out, some gas comes out, you snort the gas *snort*, you get high for five seconds. We didn't have MTV! We had the fucking supermarket! That's what we had! We were down there everyday snorting whip cream and hamburger. We didn't care. Put some on your gums!

We had to. We had to get over that bell bottom hump. We did it all. Cocaine? We started that. You're welcome! What a great drug that was. Yeah, I'd like to do some cocaine. I'd like to do a drug that makes my penis small, makes my nose bleed, makes my heart explode, and sucks all my money out of the bank. Is that possible please!? I'd like to make this face all night! I'd like to sit in the bathroom and talk to a complete asshole stranger for seven hours on end. Is that possible please!? With no penis and a nose bleed! Where do I sign up!? Take my penis away! That was the worst part about the coke, man, was being in that bathroom with that stranger at the end of the night. Wasn't it, huh? Talking about shit like solving the world's problems and the only reason you're in there is because he has the coke. That should have been a fucking sign, don't ya think? I mean if Hitler had coke, there'd be Jews in the bathroom going, "I know you didn't do it. *snort* I like your mustache. *snort* Fucking Himmler. *snort*"

Ok. Yeah. Mmm. We used to do eight balls. Oh those were fun, weren't they? Nothing like getting a bunch of coke! Right? That was usually, like, eight balls were usually like four guys on a Friday night. One guy at 8-o'clock goes, "Hey man. Let's get an eight ball! It'll last us all weekend!" Four hours later the same four guys, "Let's get another eight ball! *frantically* Let's get another one! Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!"

 

That is just way too long elvish..


as for the original post...
my thoughts exactly...

 

I remember beaten a lot when there was no nicotine to be found.

I tend to agree with you somewhat though. I don't smoke, but adults no smokings bad for you, and I don't particularly feel like places for adults have to be protected for my sensitive lungs.

A little second hand smoke makes em work a bit harder. I say smoke on flamenco.

 

OH and read this one two

I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day, ok. And I am never fucking quitting! I don't care how many laws they make. What's the law now? You can only smoke in your apartment, under a blanket, with all the lights out? Is that the rule now, huh?! The cops are outside, "We know you have the cigarettes. Come out of the house with the cigarettes above your head." "You'll never get me copper! I'm never coming out, you hear? I got a cigarette machine right here in my bedroom. Yeah!"

Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get one of those tracheotomies. So I can smoke two cigarettes at the same time. I'm gonna get nine tracheotomies all the way around my neck. I'll be Tracheotomie Man! "He can smoke a pack at a time! He's Tracheotomie Man!"

I'm looking forward to cancer, man. I want that throat cancer. That's the best kind. You know why? You get that throat cancer, you get that voice box thing. Know what I'm talking about? ..[Talking as if has a voice box].. Sure it's scary, but you can make a lot of money with a voice box. Get a voice box, walking around the streets of Manhattan, "[VB] You got any spare change?" "Ahhh!! Here's my whole wallet, get away from me! Ahh!"

Imagine a whole family with voice boxes. That'd be creepy, wouldn't it? They'd be out in that backyard everyday during the summer. "[VB] Dad, can we go to the beach?" "[VB] Yes, get your mother and the dog. We'll leave right now. Sparky, come here." "[VB] Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf" Ahhhh!!

Or the ultimate irony. A guy with a voice box pulling up to the drive through window at McDonald's. That has to suck, huh? "Can I help you?" "[VB] Big Mac and a large order of fries." "Stop making fun of me." "[VB] I'm not making fun of you." "I'm getting the manager." "[VB] Get the fucking manager, I don't care."

I can remember a time in this country when men were proud to get cancer, God dammit! When it was a sign of manhood! John Wayne had cancer twice. Second time, they took out one of his lungs. He said, "Take 'em both! Cuz I don't fuckin' need 'em! I'll grow gills and breathe like a fish!"

Babe Ruth, greatest baseball player to ever play the game. He had a voic box. He was the first American to have a voice box. Yeah! "[VB] This is Babe Ruth, the Sultan of Swat, the Bambino, I smoke twenty-five God damn cuban cigars a day. I had meat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I fucked eighteen prostitutes a night! 'course, I'm dead now. I'm up here in heaven. Lou Gehrig is up here with me. God love Lou Gehrig. Jesus Christ, poor Lou Gehrig. Died of Lou Gehrig's disease. How the hell did he not see that coming? You know. We used to tell him, Lou, there's a disease with your name all over it, pal! There ain't no Babe Ruth disease, I'll tell you that much right now. Have a hot dog and a Hummer. Go ahead, it's on me."

I don't know. Personally, I think Billy Martin said it best when he said, "Hey! I can drive!" Because we tried to be nice to you non-smokers. We fucking tried. Okay? You wanted your own sections in the restaurants. We gave you that, huh. But that wasn't enough for you. Then you wanted the airplanes. We gave you the whole God damn plane! You happy now? You own the fucking plane! I'd like an explanation about that one folks because I will guarantee you if the plane is going down, the first announcement you're gonna hear is, "Folks, this is your Captain speaking. Look, uhm, light 'em up, 'cause we're going down, okay. I got a carton of Camels non-filters, I'll see you on the ground. Take it easy." Actually, it'd be more like this, "[VB] This is your Captain speaking. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em. Rrrr Rrrr"

The filters the best part. That's where they put the heroine. Only us real good smokers know that fucking secret. Yeah, we tried to be nice to you non-smokers. We tried. But you just fucking badger us, you know? You won't leave us alone! You got all your little speeches you're always giving to us. All these little facts that you dig out of a newspaper or pamphlet and you store that little nugget in your little fucking head, and we light up and you spew 'em out at us, don't ya? I love these little facts. "Well you know. Smoking takes ten years off your life." Well it's the ten worst years, isn't it folks? It's the ones at the end! It's the wheelchair kidney dialysis fucking years. You can have those years! We don't want 'em, alright!? And I guarantee if I'm still alive, I'll be smoking then. I'll be in my wheelchair, with my adult diapers on and my twenty-five year old non- smoking born again christian son behind me. I'll be going, "Hey! Make sure you wipe this time. I was itching all week for Christ's sake! And get me some more wippets. I'm almost out, you fucking pussy! Come on!"

Because you're always telling us, "You know, ever cigarette takes six minutes off your life. If you quit now you can live an extra ten years. If you quit now, you can live an extra twenty years." Hey, I got two words for you, ok. Jim Fix. Remember Jim Fix? The big famous jogging guy? Jogged fifteen miles a day. Did a jogging book. Did a jogging video. Dropped out of a heart attack when? When he was fucking jogging, that's when! What do you wanna bet it was two smokers who found the body the next morning and went, "Hey! That's Jim Fix, isn't it?" "Wow, what a fucking tragedy. Come on, lets go buy some buds."

It's always the yogurt sprout eating mother fuckers who get run over buy a bus drive by a guy who smokes three and a half packs a day. "Sorry officer, I didn't see him. I was too busy smoking!"

 

Dennis Leary?

 

Dude, your stuff is entertaining to read, but your stealing my thread, and not even making any sense.

 

It's Dennis leary man, he sumed it up WAY better than i coudl have. Download the No Cure for cancer CD if you can. No more long as posts from me on your thread. I agree with you 100%

 

ooo Thanks buddy, I thought you were just like spamming or something. Sorry if I came off as rude

 

I really wouldnt bother to preach about how unhealthy it is for you. Youd have to be a dumbass to not realize that.


that said, alcohol can indeed be a bad habbit too.

i really dont see the point in either of them. waste of time, imo.

just tell them to shut up when they start to preach.

 

Thats cool brother, like i said check it out very funny shit.

 

I only preach at people I care about... people I don't care about...whatever.. smoke all you want and kill yourself.

Personally I agree alcohol and tobacco are both pointless and kill people and blah blah...

I'd rather just outlaw both of them and let mj be legal. But whatever. This country is stupid.

And Hellvis... just DAMN.

 

Damn what lucky strike? the Dennis posts, i figured he would enjoy, should have just told him to DL it or look it up opn yourtube.

 

i like going up to people and asking for a cig...then breaking it and walk away

 

Yeah I skimmed through it and realized there was no way in hell hellvish wrote that stuff. haha


(i said damn when i thought you wrote all that, lol)

 

we all know smoking is unhealthy. i remember once on the street some bitch was like "smoking is terrible for you, you really shouldnt smoke".. i wanted to follow her home, shut all her windows and blow smoke in her face. seriously i dont tell other people what to do.

 

GOD NO, i may have my small funny moments but no way in HELL i could be that funny, Mr leary is THE MAN!

 

I honesty hope you take no offence to this, but....

People lean on government to decide what's right and wrong, to tell them exactly what they can and cannot do. This is supposed to be America home of the free! I can wholeheartedly understand if you do not like achohol and tobbacco, but dont outlaw them, just abstain from using them and let other people live how they chose.

 

Thats just mean. Someone is helping you out and you spit in their face. No wonder why people are so rude nowadays. Where is the love?