This is pretty much my first serious relationship...and I'm very confused...if some of you have kind, helpful words to offer-go for it...if you have some not so kind words to offer, that's fine too. I'm open to any suggestions... but whatever the case I just need HELP. I have been in a commited,serious relationship for over a year now. I met her through a friend and hit it off right away. It wasn't long before she asked me to be hers(maybe a month?) but I still felt like it was too soon. I said yes nonetheless because I really felt something with her, no matter how confusing it was. I'm the type who usually has to be friends with someone first for a long amount of time before even considering dating them. Our relationship started out strange, but it wasn't long before I fell in love with her, and she loved me too. In the beginning, the distance between us and our families caused us alot of problems. The distance+ our families STILL causes problems. She is younger than I am and I have no car, driving ability or any sort of transportation besides my family. We have seen each other at least twice a month every month since we got together. At first, we had alot of fights because I was SO paranoid that she was going to cheat on me...but I eventually got over it. We went through a period of time when we had absolutely no fights at all and we were absolutely wonderful and 100% happy. But that eventually went away when we were forced to be apart(physically and somewhat emotionally). We couldn't see each other for 2 months and barely talked to each other because of our families. It was a pretty rough time...everything changed after that. I felt like I had to make up for lost time with her and as soon as I felt I had done that, she started drifting away. Her grandmother whom she is very close to started to fall very ill(she had liver cancer) and eventually died. I tried to be there for her, and she told me she needed me more than anything...but somehow, all we ended up doing was fighting. That's how it has been pretty much all year. It seems we can barely go a week without fighting. I feel so distant from her and it's an absolutely terrible feeling. I am starting to feel as if we aren't even right for each other-like we don't even understand each other anymore. Nothing feels the same at all. I don't feel like I'm her best friend. I don't feel close to her. I'm not even attracted to her anymore...I'm looking at my close friends and family members and THEIR relationships seem so perfect and so happy. They barely ever fight. I know it sounds childish, but I'm so envious of everyone else. I can't find happiness in my own relationship... What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her to death, but I think all of our fighting has caused me to start to fall out of love with her...if that makes sense. I'm really starting to question if we are truly meant to be together anymore and I don't know if I should stay or go. When I think about leaving, all I can think of is if she can ever be happy again-she has told me she never could be happy again as long as she lived if I ever left and I don't want to put her through the pain. I don't know if we're capable of going back to the way we were or not. I don't know if I should just wait it out and see what happens or what...this is just tearing me apart.
my advice? if the relationship isn't making you feel happy, then it's not right at this point. i kind of live by the philosophy that if you have chemistry with someone, and you love them, it's great... but doesn't necessarily mean you need to be in a relationship. i choose my relationships based on whether or not it flows together. if it doesn't flow, then what's the point? maybe later it'll flow again, maybe it won't. but that's life. i hope that helps you a little...
Sweety you need to understand that a relationship is not always fun and games. It takes a lot of hard work to maintain an effective/working relationship with someone. It kinda seems like the initial "flame" is gone in the relationship. That happens, and it will happen in every relationship (nobody is perfect). Just try and take a break maybe, but not complete...still talk with her, email, etc. but just as friends. Rebuild that relationship, my wife and I started out as friends, fought, then finally (and due to some um..uncommon cirumstances ha) worked it out and are perfectly happy with each other. You can fall back in love hun, it just takes patience, love, and hard work. If it seems like it is totally lost though, you need to move on. Don't assume the first girl you meet is for you, forever. Hope this help hun. Peace, love, and health, Alice
