Class: something to consider in love? Advice and thoughts please

I'm currently in my very first relationship and need a bit of advice.

The thing is, I was the one who said "I love you" first, and I started this relationship on the assumption that I would set aside all the things that bothered me about this relationship because I do have feelings for him. Only thing is, I feel like I started this thing too fast, and that perhaps sacrificing the friendship to opt for something more could be a fatal flaw on my part.

The things that bother me: he doesn't have any class. And by that, I don't mean that we are not in the same social class (although that's true too... he's pretty hard for money, and I'm among the upper class in my country, so it's also hard to go on a traditional date with him) but that the way he carries himself, the way he laughs, the way he speaks and the way he interacts with people lacks a lot of charm. So much that I'm almost always ashamed to go out in public with him.

I have talked to him about this and he said that he's willing to change. But I feel like it's unfair to him... for one thing, class can't be taught overnight, and it's something that you should have grown up with in the first place. When I remind him to act in a certain way he replies with "Yes, mommy", and regards these things as "behaving", as if he should only do them in front of me.

Another thing that bothers me: he's a different race than I am. In the USA, perhaps, this wouldn't have been much of a problem. But here, it poses a big issue. For one thing, I am constantly reminded that we don't look good together. My friends keep on telling me that I could do with someone more attractive because "I could do better". My parents don't know that he's my boyfriend, and if they find out they, especially my mom, will freak. They have said before that they don't want me to marry someone "below me".

Through all of this though, I still want to be with him. He may lack class, but he's smart and hardworking. We have the same work ethics. And for another thing, he loves me, and would do anything for me. But it's come to a point that it's unfair for him, because I think about breaking up with him every other day without really meaning to.

We've only been seeing each other as boyfriend-girlfriend for a month and a half. Before that, we were friends. If I ever break up with him, I want us to go back to how we were before we realized that we loved each other. It's hard though... I once tried to break up with him and he cried on me, saying things like how I completed him, and that if I left I'd be taking away a big part of the joy in his life. I couldn't get out of it. I'd appreciate any thoughts and advice. Thanks.

 

I've been on "his" side of this situation before. I burp, I fart, I eat with my hands, I chew gum like a horse, I don't put a napkin in my lap when I eat, and I'm sure I don't sit properly and I know I laugh too loudly. I've broken up with a guy before because he nagged at me about my manners...that and he was WAYYYY out of my social class...he was a doctor.

Bottom line, there are bigger fish to fry in this world than worrying about "class" and first impressions. If someone doesn't like me because I do these things...well, then...don't hang out with me. He shouldn't change for you or for anyone else. And don't make him...he will only resent you later.

If you are so worried about what people think and about superficial things like this, you aren't ready for a mature relationship. Just my two cents.

 

Thanks.

 

its unfair to ask him to change who he is. if you really love him like you say, you will love him for who he is, not who you want him to be.

 

i like the fact he laughs funny, and is un-social like. the world needs unique people. he sounds like a cool guy!!! And I agree, you should love him for who he is..not who u want him to be