I need a womans perspective...

Hey ladys, I'm a 20 year old guy and I've been on and off with this 18 year old girl for about 2 years and 7 months..this is someone I truley care for and love with everything I am. We were together for all around 2 years and 2 months seperated for 5 of the months which consisted of two break ups both being her breaking up with me. Now, her first time leaving me was kinda was a respectful reason being I suppose I became to clingly and emotional and all around "attached" or obsessive and we got in alot of fights this occured after us being together for about a year and 6 months. That break up lasted for about a month, we are both pretty straight forward people especially her.. she is also very bipolar at times especially in her younger years.. so she decided to tell me what she had done with people during that month, which to my surprise was alot more then what i did and expected.


It hurt me pretty bad because I stayed so loyal to her during the month and yet she did not, I know we were apart/broken up but still it had only been one single month, nothing drastic of a sudden emotional change should of occured at least with me it didn't. Anyway, it took me about two weeks to start coping with what had happened during that month and she ended up "wooing me" yes haha she actually started to try and be the girlfriend she was before, and she ended up asking me out again and of course I forgave her and said yes. Well we were doing well as far as I was concerned for another solid 8 months until, again she made the decision to break up with me again.


This time was very odd, very random not exactly sure why. I know alot of you may think there was another guy and all that but there wasn't she is just a very confused girl and she always had been in long relationships being mine and one before me and never had really dated around. so she always questioned "us" and if there really was someone better, which definatley set me back, making me re-think why do i put up with this? Oh.. because I'm in love. Well, this turned out to be a 4 months break up and I actually ended up seeing another girl during the month of december trying to move on, she found out and got upset. It turned out me and the girl did not quite mesh to well so I broke up with her after a month and I continued to talk to my ex.


Everything was going great and fantastic until she told me that I'm not the only guy she likes right now in her life. Yep she was kind of dating some other guy while she was talking to me. Alot of people have told me she only uses me as a back up in case things go wrong and that she wants me all to her self and no one else can have me but she can have someone else.. if that makes any sense. well, i found out her and this guy have gotten pretty "intimate" with each other and still me being the heart of gold loyal guy i still have only kissed two girls sense we have been apart. But, anyway, we end up still talking and i try to deal with her "dating around" and i try my hardest to prove to her im the best out of anyone. So things start going great, she ended up droping the guy and continued talking to me... and everything was going great until she brought up her ex ex boyfriend, the guy before me! who she dated for 8 months.


She told me she still had feelings for him and the main reason she left me twice was because she wasn't sure if she wanted him or me. well being a tought guy i confonted the guy in a nice manner explaining to him that I wanted her happy and she wants to be with him and if he wants it then so be it. turned out the guy doesn't want anything to do with her and even trys his best to avoid her, so i told her this and told her she needs to grow up and forget about someone who doesnt care and look in front of her and see how much I care. well she did. and everything is going fantastic. I know she still obviously has feelings for the Ex Ex but this time she has a reason to get over it. So what i'm asking is what should I do here? we aren't "official" but we are definatley dating and kind of together.


We both act like it and I know she wants me to ask her out again but I'm not sure this time, I'm not who i use to be the clingy obsessive guy, who gets really emotional about everything and always starts fights and has no humor at all. I have turned into a very conservative man who knows his limits and knows just to have fun in life and she definatley sees it and i can tell she is growing on me alot more this time around then she ever has. so again sorry for such a long story! but its typical relationship hoopla and i had to express it somehow lol, so girls, should i keep doing what i'm doing? and be safe ? and not let myself get to attached? or should i just void this situation?

 

im gonna suggest you edit that into a few paragraphs. not that you have to delete anything, but right now its a huge chunk of intimidating text

 

Lose her, if she only keeps you around as a back-up then she doesnt love you, she just doesnt want to be alone, if you can't be happy alone you can't be happy in a relationship.

And I agree with the above post, shorten her up a bit.

 

thansk for editing, its a lot easier to read now

honestly... she doesnt seem to care about you. whoever told you that you were just her backup plan pretty much hit it on the head. she goes back to you because youre comfortable, your easy, and youll take her back. it doesnt require any effort on her part. i think its time for you to move on, even though its gonna suck for a while

 

as much as i want to believe that I really honestly do believe deep down she does care, because the way things are now she seems alot more "caring" then she ever has. its odd but I'm definatley not letting myself attach to her like i always did and I'm playing it safe because of what has happened in the past. it definatley looks like I have the upper hand. 3rd times a charm right? or a flat out strike out. we'll see.

 

something simlar happened to me last year, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years and i broke up with him twice to date other guys(now that i look back i realized how stupid and immature i was ) hes my best friend and i dont think i could live without him, so give her another chance if she wants to be in a relationship.

 

To borrow from sex: Only one thing that absolutely safe - abstinence. And just as there is no such thing as being a little bit preggers, there's no such thing as just a little heartache, no matter how stoic you think you're being now.

I think the fact that the other guy she liked goes out of his way to avoid her, should tell you something.

You're way too young to settle.

 

hmm i think you should approach with caution

it does seem like you could be back up but she prob does really care about you

i say take your time

"divine intervention is always my intention
so i take my time"