My Poem 'To'

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by householdappliances, Apr 17, 2008.

  1. householdappliances

    householdappliances Member

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    To


    You...
    The manifestation of lust.
    Your hair like waterfalls of chocolaty water.
    You are voluptuousness personified.
    Your are walking wet dream, my love.
    Come, come to me.
    Asphyxiation, (your not into that) I am, but thats cool.

    Our conversation, like pegs of cream melting in the coffee of my love.
    I'D SUPERGLUE MY PENIS TO MY BELLY FOR YOU!!!

    I open your labia like beautiful curtains of beefy splendor.
    BEHOLD. The show must go on.
    I lose myself in your depth.
    Thrust,
    Press,
    Rotate 90 degrees,
    Engage rotor then clock out.
    The crowd watches and judges my every move.
    X Wrong, (BOOO)
    But thats cool.

    Wafting, you smell of babies rolling in meadows of lavender.
    Our double glazed differences keep us apart
    For now
    You exude beauty from every crevice.
    You radiate joy like a baby duck hatched from the egg.
    New beginning, life.
    Bursting forth, your amnion rapids.
    Breaking through the boundaries of love, look what
    It may yield.
    7 f a t c o w s
    7skinnycows
    Years of plenty and years of drought.
    The corn of your love may run out!

    But think...

    I sing to you, as Gabriel
    To Mary.
    You carry a child, in your oven of blood... vessels.
    Half empty? HALF FULL!
    You do not see it this way however.

    Your jewels of understanding have turned
    To Shits Of Distain.

    The innocence of my world implodes under
    The fat bastard child
    That sits upon your thigh.

    I have done nothing wrong, you cry in memory of our night.

    :nopity:
     
  2. TheLizardKingMike

    TheLizardKingMike Members

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    I like how you play the symbols.
     
  3. HawkinsOrchestra

    HawkinsOrchestra Member

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    love the first paragraph, there are a lot of things i would change but that is just my style- your style is very distinct, i love the reference to cream melting into the coffee, ID SUPERGLUE etc ..that shit is hilarious but totally random lol, beefy may not be the right adjective but i dont know really lol it just sounds nasty to me. the third paragraph is pretty good, the cows make no sense to me but its still good, the idea. did you mean disdain? and chocolatey at the beginning?

    its very creative and you have great rhythm and matephors, i agree with the lizard king, and keep writing

    AND THANKS A BUNCHES =P
     
  4. Bonsai Ent

    Bonsai Ent Member

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    For better or worse, this poem made me smile :)
     
  5. tra1lerpark rasta

    tra1lerpark rasta Senior Member

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    lol dude are you for real
     
  6. TheLizardKingMike

    TheLizardKingMike Members

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    Is anyone for real, how do you know you're alive?
     
  7. tra1lerpark rasta

    tra1lerpark rasta Senior Member

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    i feel alive bro
     
  8. Bonsai Ent

    Bonsai Ent Member

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    I rigged a device so if my heartbeat drops below 10 bpm Big Ben will explode.

    I know I'm alive because it hasn't yet.
     
  9. tra1lerpark rasta

    tra1lerpark rasta Senior Member

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    i hate jim morrison wannabes
     
  10. Mind Poet

    Mind Poet Member

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    Got some kicks out of this. I like your style. Not real keen on the "hair like waterfalls of chocolaty water" thing. But hilarious. Keep on writin!
     
  11. householdappliances

    householdappliances Member

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    im sorry but who is jim morrison?
     
  12. tra1lerpark rasta

    tra1lerpark rasta Senior Member

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    the lead singer from the doors
     
  13. Verisimilitude

    Verisimilitude Member

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    WHO IS JIM MORRISON??

    good god...what is this world (and this board) coming to
     
  14. householdappliances

    householdappliances Member

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    were only young hardly even heard of the doors
     
  15. Major Peacenik

    Major Peacenik Member

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    hilarious. lots of energy in this. revision never hurts but it might be even better to plow ahead. keep writing, I'm looking forward to what you make next.
     
  16. Naoki_ninja

    Naoki_ninja Bruce Lee's hero

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    wonderful poem, good laughs in it. love Danni
     
  17. householdappliances

    householdappliances Member

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    thank you very much. stay alert as there will be more to follow. hopefully! x x
     
  18. householdappliances

    householdappliances Member

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  19. edenfield

    edenfield Member

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    yeh funny poem but you know you love me really
     

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