my gf hit me

I would give second chances to someone who went to therapy for being abusive.
..and I would probably still love him forever if he suddenly became abusive.
but I wouldn't stay with someone who hit me.

 

Either leave her or have her leave. Don't even try to explain why to her cos she'll just convince you she was justified, you seem to be convincing your self of that anyway. Take all your stuff with you if you're the one to leave cos if she'd that childish I'd asume she'll turn the anger on your stuff if she can't take it out on you. also tell some one you know in real life what happend cos you may need their suport. Good Luck

 

Yeah, do NOT hit back. My boyfriend got into an argument with his ex-fiancee and she got physical, hitting, kicking, ended up latching onto his arm with her teeth and wouldn't let go, so he thumped her in the forehead and she ran off and cried wolf to the police. Even though the judge threw the case out, he still said it was under the circumstances that Daniel take some abuse and battery awareness class. Too bad his lawyer never mentioned that and now the class doesn't exist anymore, so the case will never be closed. Yay.

Don't put up with violence. No matter how angry I get, there are ALWAYS boundaries. Hitting people is childish and she should've outgrown that in first grade. If she reacts to something in such a way when you haven't even been living together a full year, then think of the road you've got ahead. When your lease is up, time to go your separate ways. She's showed her true self and you have to accept it and find someone who doesn't resort to violence during arguments.

 

abuse is never ever ever ok. You are NOT a jackass. I say break up with her. It is NOT ok for anyone to be treated like that.

 

Correction. If he retaliates, he's going to wind up arrested, and probably on an episode of cops.

I can not sit here and say "Well, if my girlfriend hit me" because:
#1, she may give me a love pat once in a while, but she'd never hit me.
#2, if she did, I'm a trained martial artist, so she might land one punch tops. I put the emphasis on "might".
#3, She is better at dealing with anger and has more impulse control than many people that I know.

But... If, in some alternate universe, it did happen... She'd never do it again.
I have a way of being very very unpleasant when somebody strikes me.
Not annoying, not violent... I speak loudly and in a way that if there's 20 people around me talking, they all go silent and begin staring. Most people, after causing one of those incidents, know better than to raise a hand to me.

If I were you, though, I wouldn't tolerate violence. Counseling, try it.
If that doesn't work... It's not worth it to stick it out and endure violence.

 

Doesn't sound worth it. When I read the thread title I started dying. Hit her back with a pillow! Pillow fight.

 

Three words:
Fuck.
That.
Shit.

If she's going to be childish, you be the parent, smack her hand and tell her "no!" ..Unless your girlfriend is my three hundred pound freakish aunt Hulka, I would leave her ass.

Does she ever apologize? Ever? If she apologizes and is willing to get help for her anger, okay, but if she doesn't fuck that shit. You two will never really be happy.

 

pshh youll put up with this for the pussy, i know it.

 

I don't know what I'd do if my girfriend did that to me.... I'd probably just never talk to her again. I wouldnt even tell her that I broke up with her. Just let her figure it out.

 

Hey man, it doesn't matter if its your fault or her fault, its not workin, ramble on my friend.

 

That girl seemes to me to behave like a spoilt child who screams even when she is told that there's no money to buy that toy or something...

 

wonderful.

so she came back and told me about her lesson plan today. she works with children, age 4.

she said, "yah the kids really did a great job on the flowers, they did it correctly and did yellow and purple ones"

I said "thats ridiculous, there is no right or wrong, come on, let them do what they want, they are 4."

and we launched into the whole culture battle. I didn't mention anything about French system or usa system. she did, but she started saying "thats why french kids do so well in america, because they actually learn stuff and have lessons when they are 4 and are not in preschool."

again, all irrelevant stuff. I still think kids can learn plenty just being left to their own devices. teachers should not impose their ideas on kids, kids should come to their own conclusions!!

I dunno, it just led to one big fight

swears were said by me
she said I don't know anything about being a teacher or the French system or the field...

I dunno, it is hard to sum up the argument but she went storming off in tears.

Basically because I put in my two cents. let kids do what they will for cripes sake..why impose? and she could not handle that. she seems to think this is some attack in everything she stands for and her work in general and seems to think I have no interest in what she does.

I guess she just wants a mindless bot who repeats as she does..or else I will be accused of putting her down or not caring.

Everything always blows up, out of proportion.

she tossed a chair my way, I simply swore and refused to look at her as I talked.

She started to write down everything I said! as if she needs some evidence or something...like she does with the school she hates!

 

you are 16 so I can forgive you for that.

I think people that age still think relationships are perfect like the romance movies where everything is peachy keen.

 

It is:
A. Because I have a backbone and extremely different ideas than she does so I argue a lot (usually for fun but she takes it far to seriously!!)
B. Clash of cultures

more than anything

she likes to have her systems that dictate how certian aspects of life are run.

I prefer sponataniety and creativity.

If that all makes sense

 

or else it's that you know you're provoking her. :tongue:

 

yah perhaps that too...but her responses are uncalled for..and she seems to only remember the occasional provocation...funny when you only remember or refer to half of every transaction..all of a sudden, the other person (me) is always the one at blame. Sad thing is, it really is natural and I don't think she realizes that she does it.

She also needs to DEAL with alternative views, period. If not from me, they WILL come from someone else. She needs to not feel attacked deeply all the time but take the challange for what it is, a chance to adapt or strengthen her own position, or mesh differing views or something.

when she is deeply impacted, she has violent out lashes usually verbally and rarely physically.

 

Wow, quite a toughy you have there. It's hard for me to pass much judgment or tell you to cut it off anymore because I am going through a VERY trying time in my own relationship and I understand that no matter how bad things seem to get, it's really REALLY tough to just call it quits after you dedicate so much of your life to a person. It's hard to just give up on someone you love. Best of luck to you in your situation, and the only real advice I can give you now is if the happy moments and the love outweigh the bad times, then stick with it. When you find yourself frowning more than smiling, you guys need to either wrok together to find that happy medium again, or move along.

You've been living together for a relatively short amount of time, right? A year or less? The reason I ask is we're going on month 8 of constant living together (instead of me staying 3 or 4 nights a week) and I think a lot of our conflicts are just because we're still learning how to live with each other and tolerate the INSANELY annoying habits. It sucks and is SO MUCH work, so I just hope in the long run, it pays off. If not, I'm gonna be pretty pissed, lol.

 

yeah, you (OP) sound like youre awfully good at pushing her buttons, intentional or not.. also kinda talk about her like shes a child. i dunno, sounds like theres a lack of respect from both sides

 

or she needs to just...you know...dump you.

seriously, you're coming across like a real pain in the ass to me. i'd never put up with the behavior your describing here. sounds like interlocking dysfunctionality to me. you're attracted to someone whose buttons are easy to push, and she's attracted to someone who pushes them. classic.

but yeah, violence is not cool. she should just split.

 

From what I have read from you, your replies to others responses, it sounds like you want to stay. So I am going to try to give you some advice because I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend and I are INCREDIBLY stubborn, for example when we were on a break he passed out in a public bathroom (some medical thing) instead of calling me because he was mad at me. He thought he was going to die before he passed out, still didn't call. So that gives you an idea of how stubborn. I know that you can't change the other person but you can change yourself (if you want) which can sometimes have an impact on them wanting them to change. I have learned that I don't need to win every fight or disagreement, give in sometimes or change the subject. About the violence, as you know that’s not a good thing. I will throw pillows at my boyfriend on rare occasions. My best advice is talk to her about it and come up with a plan, like walking away and taking a break, removing yourself from the situation, each other. Let her know what happened was not acceptable and that you don’t want it to happen again. The better advice is when she is mad don't start laughing at her. My boyfriend does that when I am mad at him and it pisses me off SO much more. It also makes me even madder when he says you look so cute angry and pinches my cheek. It makes me feel like he isn't taking me seriously or making fun of me. You can also just not say a word while she is yelling she will run out of fuel when you aren’t arguing back. It’s hard to argue with someone when they are just listening. Just communicate with her or leave her. The choice is yours

Also I work with children elementary and I agree with you, a child should be able to draw what they want. They should be able to use their imagination for projects. Although sometimes a teacher has to give them a specific task to see how far along they are and to work with them if they are not where they need to be. When I talk to my boyfriend about work, kids do some funny things and I love them a lot, I mostly just want him to listen. Just like I do when he talks about his work.