What the crap is THIS supposed to mean?

no. love fades. you need to know you can be with this guy forever. even though you've known him for a long time, you still haven't been with him long, and as far as i know you've never experienced living together (other than maybe weeklong visits).

now by no means am i saying that you won't be there with this guy at some point, but at least from what you've told here, i don't think you guys are ready for marriage at this point

 

Am I ready to get married? Nope...do I want to get married someday? Yes. I told him bluntly that I didn't want to get married tomorrow, or next week, or six months from now...but I do want to know that we are headed in that direction before I move 2500 miles back to where I came from. I'm moving regardless...my last day here at my job in Cali is May 29th...so I'm taking this step...I want him to match my huge step with SOMETHING, I guess.

 

you obviously are headed in the right direction if he says he wants to marry you, but if neither of you are ready to be married, then i don't see why you would want to hurry the pre-marriage.

that's understandable. but like you said, you aren't moving back just for him anyway, yet you are expecting him to do something he is apparently uncomfortable with just for you. i guarantee that even if he doesn't propose when you go back, he will do something to match your step.

 

Maybe he can't afford to get you the ring he wants to get you yet?

 

OK, Andy and I were in a smimilar situation. I wanted to move here to be with him, but refused to do so without a ring on my finger first. We had only been dating for a couple of months so I understood his hesitation.

So i told him:
I will wait here in San Diego for you and will not cheat on you, but can't promise I will be the same person in two years when you can move down here to be with me. I am moving out of my mom's house, graduating college and am aiming for a high-paying, career type job. These things can change a person. I am unsure we would be as compatible in two years as we are now. i would rather grow as a person with you and start a family together.
He asked me:
What type of ring do you want?

Try it...see what happens.

 

Just because you want the same things doesn't mean you want them at the same speed. Or in the same doses.

 

I totally get what everyone is saying and each of you are right...

I definitely need to be more understanding about him not wanting to get engaged right away...we haven't been "dating" that long (five months), though we do know a lot about one another - we've known eachother for two decades.

I know he wants to move in together when I return, we're going to look at apartments while I'm home next weekend...and I think that's a pretty big step for him, since he never even wanted a serious relationship when we started dating. I don't want to lose him...and I'm afraid if I give him ultimatums that he's not ready for, I'll scare him away...I do need to let things happen naturally.

I guess these feelings in me were evoked when I have so many people in my life getting engaged/married/having children. I'm ready for it and I want to grow with him as a real adult...I'm not a patient person...probably a big part of the problem. For him to say that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me gets me really excited and thinking about our future together.

Things will get better when I'm back home for good, I think.

 

How about getting married without ever being asked..lol
That's how it's working out with me and my man
Wedding is this Sunday and he hasn't asked me to marry him yet

I get that you want this move to be validated in a sense but maybe you should take the signs for what they are, if he's introducing you as his future wife then go with that and maybe you'll be very pleasantly surprised if.. when he gets around to actually purposing to you

 

Good thinking, seems to be the proper approach

 

It sounds like he loves you but is trying to do things when he feels that he's ready for the commitment. It sounds like he's being responsible, and doesn't want to be forced to move faster then he's ready.

I'm sure it doesn't change how he feels about you. It's obvious what a incredible catch you are. He wants to express his love in a commitment like that on his own terms, not like he's being persuaded to it.

Give it time and enjoy spending time with someone you love. It'll happen, don't rush it. You guys moving in together is a big commitment for both of you. And he's comfortable with it for the same reason you are. You love each other.

 

Thanks for that lode. That actually put it in good perspective for me.

We get along great, we love eachother, and understand eachother on levels that a lot of couples do not (and can't understand eachother on other levels sometimes, it seems! LOL maybe because of the former???)

Anyway, thanks for that...moving in together is a big step...and he says he wants to live together before making any big commitments...which I do not disagree...I can be a bugger to live with sometimes.

 

Maybe he just doesn't like these formalities. After all, they don't mean anything.