Hey, So today i was with my buddy in my room and he logs onto myspace, we then leave to go for a drink and we part our seperate ways and go home, i find he has left his myspace on my computer. So anyways i'm straight...and today i did something what was kind of nasty towards my best friend....i looked through his personal messages and i find out that he is gay...really gay....and he has a boyfriend...he has been with women before and i have known him all my life. Today i find out he's gay at its just put me into shock, i dont know what to do, and worst thing is he doesnt know...that i know. Im totally cool with him being gay, he will always be my best friend, and i will never ever be-friend him just because hes gay. But in one message he says (talking to his boyfriend) I want to come out, all my friends in sheffield know (where he goes to uni) and i wantto come out to my friends in derby but i want to tell my parents first. Shall i say anything to him...say its cool im ok with it dude, i want to talk to him about it, maybe if i tell him i know then it will be fine and it make make it easier for him to come out to the res of us or to his parents. What do you think guys/girls? BiO
Do you think it's possible he left his computer open on myspace for you to see? Maybe he feels comfortable that you know, but didn't know how to approach you. You might casually mention he left his computer on without saying anything about his gay friends. This may open the door for him to tell you how he feels. Above all, be a friend - which it seems you are already.
Yep, InterestedParty has good point...the ol' accidently on purpose thing may be happening. Ya might wanna just blow his mind(nothing else implied) and say to him," I love you, I'm straight and I know you're gay and I love you." Then get ready to hold him for a bit cause he'll probably turn into Jello. Good for you for being solid for your friend, I wish the both of you a long happy friendship. Steve
I guess you could always say you were going to check your myspace and read some messages and then realized it wasn't your account that was logged in, it was his. You could tell him that you know and that you love him no matter what. As yarapario said, give him a big ol' hug and hold on to him because he will turn into Jello. On the contrary he might get pissed off that you were going through his personal messages and didn't just log off when you realized it was his account. You might try subtly letting him know that you love him no matter what. You sound like a great friend, by the way. I hope however you choose to approach him works. Whatever happens, he will be extremely nervous and he'll need a friend like you to support him, especially when he tells his parents. Good luck
Thanks for the advice guys, I still am not sure what to do :S I just can't believe it to be honest, i mean he dresses kind of gay but then again i just thought he liked to look differant from others. I mean we have all said...we being my friends and i, jokingly saying....Are you gay, and he's always said no. BUT HE IS! I wonder how long he has known. I dont think i could ever be gay cause it must be the HARDEST EVER thing to do....to come out to your friends and your family, and i really feel sorry for him as his brother is a right little dick and his parents especially his dad i don't think will be happy, cause ive heard his dad being homophobic, not towards him but to other people, like say if he saw George Michael on TV he would be like...."F*cking Bender" its not cool.
All the more reason he is lucky to have you at his side. he has had to learn how to cope, how to hide, how to lie about who he really is. Yeah, thats tough stuff to do. When you guys do get to the point that you can talk, show him this post or at least tell him about it. Let him know there are many of us in his shoes and we all wish him well. Both of you have a chance to really grow and gain from this...good luck.
You should just let him know how you feel about homosexuality. Make sure you know he's cool with it. Also, say specifically "Y'know... if you were gay, I don't think I'd care, cuz I don't really think it's a big deal what you do on your own time." but sort of casually, so that he just thinks you're making a political point or something like that--when friends tell me this, it just makes me want to come out of the closet right on the spot, lol. (though they always say this in a public space, so I just keep my mouth shut.) That's another thing. If you're gonna ask him if he's gay, or do any of the above--do it in a private setting so that he doesn't feel like he has to come out to EVERYONE. Only you.
i dont know, i would be beyond furious if someone went through my myspace and read all my messages. I've had it done to me by my stepmom, and she emailed pictures of me kissing my bf I had on my myspace to a bunch of homophobic members of my family, and I don't think I'd ever been that mad in my entire life. I know you didn't do anything like that, but the fact remains you still went through his messages and stuff knowing full well it was his profile you were on. If I were you, I would just play it off really smooth, and the next time you're around him, mention something about gay people in your conversation (make sure it goes with the conversation, though, dont just randomly bring it up) and say something like "man I wish you were gay, that would be so awesome" or something like that. I would have loved to have heard that when I was still in the closet from any one of my friends...
I asked him about it, i was like... Are you gay? the reason i ask is i was looking at you myspace comments and i found some messages from som gay guys and i just need to know the truth, if you are gay i want you to know that i support you and im always here for you and im your friend ALWAYS. If your not then forget i ever said anything. And then he told me.....He doesn't know. Well he is Gay...he said this will be diffiicult to tell you (and i said it's coll tell me whatever nothing will change) he said that for 4 years he has been curious about his sexuality and that he has always thought he liked women but then found men attractive, so he never said anything for all this time, then he went to university last year and slept with this girl from his class, he told me that he never liked it and he then realised that maaybe he was gay and it proper sunk in. But at the same time now he says to me but i want to have kids and a family and if im Gay then it will change alot of things, but i really like guys much more than women. Then he toldd me he has a boyfriend and he sounds really nice and cool and im happy for him. I dunno what is up with me though, it's like it hasnt really sunk in yet, 17 years i have known him and i thought he liked girls, and now i look at him and think he likes men, and he's in a relationship with a guy, it feels weird...guess i just have to adapt to it i guess it's a bit of a shock for me. Nothing has changed between us we are good friends and went out today and had a great day and just had a really good time. It turned out to be good, we were talking about coming out to his parents and he is petrified to tell them what can i do to help him, he is on about writing a letter to his parents explaining, i was not sure wether this was a good way or not, what do you guys think. and any other ideas? Thanks guys xx
There are some great books out about what it means to be gay or to have friends who are gay...there are also a lot of web sites too. Seems like you're doing fine, educating yourself, being there for a friend, but yeah, finding out someone you care about is not really who you thought they were is weird...I mean he's still exactly the same guy he always was but now there a new light shining on him...he looks a bit different. On coming out to his parents, I don't know about the letter writing idea. It seems a clod and distant way to tell someone about an important part of your life. Maybe he fears their reaction, fears rejection or even violence. If he thinks things will go that badly maybe there is wisdom in not saying anything for a while. Is he financially dependent on his parents? Would they stop helping with his education if he came out? Their are too many variables to be able to give sound advice over the net. How about you? Man, you've had a pretty remarkable experience too. How are you gonna sort out your own feelings? Life sure gets interesting at times, doesn't it? Take care. If I can help, feel free to PM me. Steve
OMG i wish you were my friend...IM so scared of coming outand having noone accepting me...but trust me, Your friend will be more than happy to know that u know and that you accept him, cuz that is one thing ive been wishing for years!! im really happy that there are people like you out there...lucky guy he is to have a friend like you
