after effects of years of suicidal thoughts...

not fun to recover from. how did you deal and go on in life?

 

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i've had very minor suicidal/"emo" thoughts.

now and then i think of cutting, just wondering if it does make it feel better like everyone says. Or i'll think, would if i just hung my belt of right here and now...etc.

it's not like it happens often...not even once a month. just very, very, VERY minor!

 

i think every1 has suicidal thoughts once in a while but but you should tell your self that there are people far worse off then you are there are people staving in the world but they still have the strenth to carry on. when you think of it that way your problems might seem not so bad there are worse situations you could be in. x

 

i did, but the thing is; why should i kill myself because of an asshole(or many), they are the ones who should die.

 

I probably had suicidal thoughts when I was a bit younger (not that I'm old) but I no longer have such thoughts anymore.

 

See, the problem with suicide is that after...you'd be dead. That always solves it for me. But then I'm usually on the other side of the depression scale.

 

with all the crap that comes up being in the closet its bound to bring some level of depression ,

but me I snuggle up with someone close

of course I think there's no real way to ever be free of suicidal thoughts just ways to suppress those thoughts temporarily

 

i don't think you guys really understand what i mean. it's not so much being depressed or having suicidal thoughts, it's what you did in those years thinking you were going to end your life and recovering from it.

 

I sort of detach,I don't mean surpressing or denying.For years I fought everything and that meant some great highs but devastating suicidal lows.I pick my battles now.I know the world can suck so I don't react to things the same way.It's like oh here it is again another let down,another lie from someone I trusted,another bad day,mistake war etc.I also have felt for a long time suicide is'nt the answer at least not for me,having a close friend take his life years ago that left me with alot of grief and sorrow.Where as I feel the garbage life generates most times very intensely.I'm not surprised by it much and I let go of alot of things.I only do this cause I learned being miserable sucks and noone cares if I'm a matyr with a cause.I get angry,alot of the times.Sometimes there's not alot I can do so I try to figure what it is I can do to help,and do that.That's mostly how I've always dealt with it.Whatever the cost I intended on being happy/happier in life.Sometimes that means if you get lemons make lemonade.Not taking everything so horribly serious has helped me a great deal in the past and still does.Sense of humor too.Recovering from it I dunno I'd say it's important to build a trust with yourself and your world.Seeing consistency in good things in your life that you can rely and trust in.Making healthy/heathier choices too.Trust and security,stabilty of sorts are so key.Sometimes I had to create my own sense of security for myself but it's not good to have too much fear and apprehension.Best to have some freedom and expression.I hope that helps.Sorry if it does'nt.

Joe,

 

The short answer: I got over myself.

The long answer: I realised, after obsessing over my own place in the world or lack of, that if my life truly is meaningless, that I should regard that as a relief, rather than a burden. I think a lot of gay people feel this way because of our (comparative) inability to have children, since so much of the "meaning" that's presented to us by secularised society relates to our furthering the species. It's easy to feel that our lives are meaningless purely because of this. But then, it matters now: if our lives are truly meaningless, what we are left with is a blank canvas with which we may do whatever we wish.

I guess that could sound a tad pretentious, but it's been an ongoing realisation of mine that my life will only ever have the meaning that I give it. If anything, those who live their lives to further the species purely by making more of it seem kinda lazy by comparison.

 

Its the fairytale everyone gets sucked into believing when they are younger, that you'll run off get the nice house, have loving children that you'll be close with and look after you when you're older, find your soulmate in a wife/hubby that will grow old with you, and you'll never be lonely.

Reality is very different, lucky if 10% of straight couples achieve that. Having kids is no guarantee your really going to get on with them, or that they will be there for you in old age. No guarantee your partners going to want to stick with you after the kids have grown up. No guarantee your not going to spend 20 years stressed out at being neck deep in a mortgage.

The kids/ marriage/ mortgage thing means they are more likely to not have time for extended friends, not have time to hone their social skills, they pair off and segregate themselves from the rest of society, dont have much time to attend to their own needs and wants.

I think you will come to realise later on, as I did, just how much everything is preprogrammed in people, not just our gay tendencies, but EVERYTHING. Some people are just born more susceptable to things like depression, lonelyness, some addictions, bitterness, laziness. Some are just born happy and carefree, better able to cope with stress or isolation.

Gay or Straight, I'm not advising anyone not to raise kids, just that if you do it, do it cos thats what you want to do with your life; raise kids. If your doing it for self serving reasons you'll find you may be disappionted. There's no black and white here.

Having kids, not having kids; each path has its own pros and cons

 

when I came out to my mom she was was happy cause I wasn't gonna knock any girl up by mistake.

 

She knew you were gay when you were born? Weird.

 

I feel suicidal everyday unfortunately. I've felt this way for awhile and I've felt depressed my whole life pretty much. Also angry and anxious and a bit paranoid. Mostly depressed, angry, and anxious. I've gotten over the paranoia unless it's drug induced (then I can't help it.) I feel happy too sometimes, of course, but I've always felt so alone like no one understood me and I still feel that way.

I don't give a fuck anymore what people think of my sexuality. My depression and shit stems from other stuff. Basically, I don't give a fuck about anything anymore...it's been like that for awhile too. :\

 

I relate to that dude.Yea I'm me and I do the best I can if someone don't like it they can fuck themselves.I get depressed cause I feel lost in a doomed world.Stranger in a strange land.I'm not always depressed and I try to get more positive about things.It's difficult and I feel a dark cloud over my head all the time (which I'm overcoming a little at a time,the best I can.)I don't want suicide cause there are just too many good things about life.This has driven me to survive through the craziest shit and the suicidal thoughts I had.Everyone has problems and nobodys life is perfect.Why should I take my life over people who have'nt understood and probably don't give a crap about me anyway.
I've got to be here to piss them off. :jester:

Peace.J*

 

I never really have these thoughts, especially not because I'm gay...I mean, I'm sure everyone sometimes things "I wonder what it'd be like to commit suicide,", but I've never considered it seriously at all.

I'm actually incredibly grateful to be gay. Sure, there are some shitty sides to it, and people can be unaccepting of it, but other than that, there are SO many upsides to it! One of the biggest positives for me is that you don't need to deal with gender barriers when it comes to relationships. So often I hear of couples where the girl wants this, and the guy wants that and it ends up causing problems in the relationship. For example, I'm going to be rather blatant, but when it comes to sex, lets face it - guys want it more than girls, and I think that can cause troubles in relationships. If you're a dude, and you're gay, chances are that you'll get more than enough secks from your partner. If you're a lesbian girl and don't have much a sex drive, then your partner probably wont either and you won't feel inclined to have sex just to make your partner happy.

A rather crude example, but hopefully it makes a little sense.

 

TBH, even if we say, for the sake of diplomacy, that both have an equal sex drive, men and women have/want sex for different reasons, and it seems that it'd be a lot easier to marry those up like for like than try to reconcile them with each other.

 

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Science fact: if chicks DO want sex as much as guys, they certainly HAVE it a fuckload less (rape doesn't count). This is the reason for Lesbian Bed Death