i'm in a whirl wind of emotions, and i can no longer take it let alone left the cloud drift over me. I'm sinking deeper and deeper and today I thought was the day. alone in my head, for so long. how can it be selfish if i am the only one looking out for me, feeling for me, listening to me. me for me, sick of being for everyone else. I need help, i am forced to help myself, i fucking can't do it anymore. got it. im no screamiong for anyhting but a fucking reason and i can't fucking find one. looking under everything, through everything. I see no hope . on the pursuit of happieness and we find what, reality. should i keep telling myslef' hey this is life, get use to it' . no i can't live my life this way. how can people, how can anyone be happy. i don't understand, smile and laugh, i can pertend to be happy, what about when i can't swallow my tears, or my rage. silently seething, or insane, while everyone turns a eye. if i knew someone was hurting as much as I, i sure would atleast listen. what does listening to myself do. playing devils advocate with myself. i have been here before, i have been in icu before i have fucking died before. i turned for help then because I wanted to see what i would become, where my life would turn, thinking maybe there was hope around the corner and all i had to do was crawl for help before light died. i got the help, i got no hope. I am still here, still turning a blind eye to my own emotions, but for what. a life like everyone elseS? I love nature, not life. i hate life, i live with my dream maybe one day I'll be in that happy fucking place with everything i need.... I can go through this stuggle.i am so fucked so lost. if i had a gun i would had a hole in my head ages ago. this simple gratification does not sustain me.
Hang in There, You're not alone believe me. Reality can become less of a comfort and more a burden. I know how you feel. We Care Please stay,
I'm here. Talk to me. I've been there... Maybe not as bad, but I've been there... repeatedly. I only stabilized in the past year... Talk to us.
There are a lot of kind, loving, caring people in this world. You may not always see them, but we're here. Have you given any thought to taking rhodiola rosea and 5-HTP?
