I'm literally in the best relationship I could ever ask for. I went to highschool with this girl, she dated a friend of mine(who im no longer friends with, long story), and we kind of got close through that relationship. At the end of my senior year of high school, she broke up with my "friend" and that summer she and I grew very close. Our whole first year of college we were kind of distant (when we left, it was sad, but we grew apart from an arguement), but we got back together this past summer. We've now been doing the long distance thing for over 9 months, and its been the best 9 months of my life. I love her to death. There's just one thing that always goes through my head. I constantly think about her being with other guys that freshman year of college. She's a good girl, she started drinking in college (as everyone does), and we're both still virgins. We just haven't made that step to sex yet in our relationship. She's much more experienced than I am, I have never been in a REAL relationship (they always are just flings that last 3 weeks), and I'm not nearly as experienced (to my best guess) sexually as she is. This is what bothers me, selfishly. I haven't been completely open to her about it, I'm worried of what she would think of me if I told her that she was the first girl I went down on and such. I'll go on facebook and see pictures of her during her freshman year partying and just think "she had to have hooked up with a guy that night". I'm lucky to have a girl that is still a virgin and shares the same views on that, but it kills me thinking that shes done what shes doing to me with probably twice as many guys as I have with girls. Neither of us our sluts, which probably is why I have an issue here, because I know what she's like and thinking of her drunken hooking up with someone is just weird and puts a weird feeling in my stomache. Can someone tell me if Im acting irrationally? I can't describe what I feel with this. It's literally all I can even remotely think wrong about our relationship. I truly think she is the one, and I'm not just saying that because I'm legitimately afriad of committment. I love everything about her, but this one year when we werent together, it just kills me thinking about what it could have been for her. Thanks for reading, I hope this makes sense, and any help to get these thoughts out of my head is appreciated. On a side note: The way I usually think of this is "There aren't going to be any girls with no past at this point in life". I just kind of think of it as me being lucky I found someone Im so compatible with that takes care of her body and doesn't and never has slept around. But just thinking about her cuddling or kissing or that kind of stuff with someone else hurts me, is this a normal feeling??? Thanks
everybody has a past, you have to focus on the fact that she`s a great girl after all, if she`s with you then you should accept the fact that even though she may have a longer `history` than you do- what really matters is that she is with you now, not the others. her past has helped form the person that you have such strong feelings for
good point and yas know your obsessing over it cause its unknown talk to her ask her about what shes done and hasnt done vbut dont ys dare judhge her on what shes done hell my gf knows when i was young i was with way too many girls hell if a girl i talk to turns me on accidently i tell her were honnest about everything but we know we only want eachother the only way you can ever ever know what shes rthinking or doing ore has done is to talk about it, both what youve done and what shes done i wonder if you found out that she was raped or molested as a young child say 5 would u feel shes tainyed and worth less? why would she be worth less if she mad4 a drunk mistake? even if she hasd a 3 month hot sex fling while away from you whats that matter when your together? hell my girl talk alot about her sexual past..which was slightly out of the ordinary (sorry hun but u know it..lol) and its absolutly no big deal if she wasnt with who sher ewas with b4 realizing she only wanted to be with me she may never have been with me to behgin with past shapes pressent pressent leads to future if u want a futur3e with her then in the pressent come to grops with the past jealousy though is the great destroyer of trust
Well i completely understand where you are coming from. Actually, that sounds like my X and I. I was a party animal, and he was a virgin "good boy". We eventually started getting close over the summer, and dated for 2 years. I'm sure the same thing you are thinking about went through his mind. You simply have to trust her. Time will only fix your problem. Everybody has a past, but if you realize that she is solely with you, and has put her past behind her, everything will work out just fine. Try not to get too obsessed with it, because that can breed a lot of control issues on your part because you are afraid she is going to leave you. Just sit back, relax, be yourself and give her everything you have (emotionally..i dont mean material stuff). Best of luck to you hun.
Yeah, you gotta get over this. There's nothing wrong with her hooking up a little in college. You're absolutely being irrational. All girls know guys like this - guys that can't handle the thought that we might have been with someone besides them - and we hate it. You should bring it up with her - just say listen, to clear the air, is it okay if I ask you what you've done with other guys? If she says she doesn't want to talk about it, that's her right and you've got to get over it. If she does, then you've got to get over whatever she says. Therapy might help, if it's on your mind this much. But it's over now - there's nothing she can change - and she should not be made to feel like she should apologize for it; she's done nothing wrong. So if you're going to have a healthy relationship, it's up to YOU to get past this. You should also know that just because she's drunk and laughing with a some guys in a picture does not mean she went home with any of them. If we hooked up every time we got drunk with boys present in college, we would have been very busy. We girls are pretty good at knowing when to say "Okay, I need to go to bed and no one is coming with me."
listen to both of them... communicate..talk ..understand...accept..forgive if forgiveness is necasary..acknowledge your feelings as well as hers.. if she gives u honnesty and trust give her the same do not make it a constant issue otherwise what if u get married someday everytime she goes to the store in a skirt and comes home smilling u suspect shes been with some1? thats how crazy control freak relatiopnships start ever seen how bad they can be? obseesion can lead u to go crazy &make u do crazy shit like panty check and controllijnhg who shed talk to (if u really let it take control of you.it can be ugly) u cannot control what she does with whou can communicat....without badgering if u need to talk...talk once...your both virgins what mightve happened but a couple petting sessions? u said youve explored as well are u ready to tell her all? u might find u did more then her u nevfer know and it dont mtter if u r meant to be together lose your virginity together and stay together u gotta let go of everything b4 u commit and u needto talk to commit wether u need to discuss the past or not it happened it dont mattershe is who she is take it or..leave it she sounds sweeet and if u let go of questioning u might have something if u dont u can ruin..her life really if u let it beat u
I appreciate the comments you guys. I have to say that I'm honestly one of the least controlling boyfriends youll find. We have to rely on trust in our relationship being in a long distance one for now, and its working out fine. She goes out on the weekends, I go out on the weekends, and we both know we're not going to cheat on each other because love is still at work so far away. Im not worried that she's doing it while she's with me, at all. I know she's never going to cheat on me, its just more the past. And its very selfish for me to think the way I do because I HAVE done things with other girls, just as she has with guys. We both know we really really have something special. I know that we have what everyone dreams of having, because our relationship is that good. We're open about absolutely everything, except for our past. I know a lot about hers because I was there to see a lot of it, and she knows some about mine, especially the fact that I never had a long term relationship. But honestly, we both know love is at work with us and that we are lucky to have found someone to be so close to so early in our lives. I think I need to realize that with both of us being virgins and openly saving ourselves for the right person should really say something. I need to stop worrying about her making out with a guy, or even sleeping over at a guys place during the time we werent close. It'd be unfair for me to say I never had a girl sleep in my bed. I talked to a close friend about this last night (for some reason, it just started bugging me recently) and my friend said it all. Our love is something she's never shared with anyone. The fact that she's never had sex is something that I should be thankful to have since I'm in the same boat, instead of me looking at the negatives. Its hard to find someone like that, and I did. Thanks guys
great great great keep it bout the love not bout sex u can talk anytime u need to clear the air but what came b4 dont matter g'luck strry bout the harshness i knew it was stronger then need be but i think u now know the way to go with her and i think you'll be fine
