I am a freshman in college this year. Living on my own 10 hours away from parents and family has made me relized that I am nothing like what I thought I was. I always kind of had thoughts about what I thought was "cool" or whatever but always kind of shoved it away throughout High School, and I'm not sure why. I'd like to say it was to "fit in" or whatever but I feel like when I hang out with my High School friends we still get along really well. To go along with that, I've started smoking weed since I came to school. In the years past I would not come close to it. I was afraid of it and all the propoganda that I was filled with. But now I do it (not all that often, but none the less) often times while I'm high I think about things from my early childhood, as in before I went to elementry school. Back then I was so much more myself and didn't feel the pressures of any society. Since both my brothers are older than me, they were in school and I wasn't so I would find things to entertain myself. I had quite the imagination, but even then I knew nobody would understand if I tried to explain it so I kept it to myself. I used to be a hyper little child that always got the "take the sugar away from this kid!" comment. An innocent little comment that I took to heart after having heard it a thousand times. I don't know how old I was but I specifically remember trying to control myself and making myself a hell of a lot calmer. Some how it sunk in and in fact, I'm often known to be a very relaxed chill out kind of guy. Its what i've become I guess. And I don't suppose thats all bad, I like my relaxed nature but at the same time, I can't help but feel like this isn't necessarily me. In other words, I don't know who I am. I don't know if the person I am is actually all an act that i've now embraced enough to think its me or if this is really who I am. That probably sounds really confusing but its something I've been thinking about for a few months now. Just needed to get that out there and these forums seem very open minded which I really like. Feels good to finally put that out there, even if nobody I know actually reads it (which is also good cause its an issue I don't really want to face). But anyways, if you read this all...thanks.
you are who you are, that is not dependent on how you act or feel stop worrying so much about it, seems ya are so concerned about how you apear that you just cant be confy just being yourself were all a lkil weird and thats perfectly normal..enjoy the uniquiness of being you if yoiu try to cater the self you portray to suite an image expected of you theres no wonder theres a disconnection from your true self
Thanks for the response, I really appreciate it. I've thought about that before, I guess I'm just worried that these friends I've had for years would abandon me and not respect what I actually am, or whatever. I just don't know how friends i've had for 7-14 years will react, you know?
hmm well i'm studying psychology right now and i just did a pretty extensive literature review on the topic of self-concept and how it is formed and developed etc. I think it applies to you because from my research i have found that basically we develop our self-concept by other's opinions of us so basically everytime we talk to someone or even if we just walk by them and they see us they give us cues either verbal or nonverbal theses cues tell us how they feel about us, whether they are scared of us or are interested or like us etc so yea basically we subconsciously receive all those cues and then formulate our self-concept in order to please these people or to not depending on what kind of person you are for this reason as children we develop our personalities and whether you believe in trait theories or the social cognitive perspective or the freudian perspective and defense mechanisms your beliefs will differ slightly but basically we develop our personality by looking at what other people think of us and how we are acting for example when your talking to someone if they are really engrossed in talking to you and they have comfortable body language and are attenttively conversing you know that hey this person likes me and you probably have been in the situation where you even just walk by someone and you know that they hate your guys so i dono i think you may feel a little lost because you may not necessasairly be in touch with your self concept and it still may not be completely developed because it is ever changing going to college and having new experiences and being around new people has caused you to re evaluate who you are and thats totally fine i recommend really trying to figure out who you are by pondering your actions and more importantly feelings and your reasons for your actions if you want to read my paper let me know good luck soul searching!
well... you are on the right track now because you are questioning the wold and your perspective of it. trick is being comfortable in your own skin You are young and should not expect yourself to have established your whole identity. FACT is that now that you are looking for the answers, you'll find yourself. This is not a process that can be rushed, what needs to happen will happen.
We've all been there one way or another, when we didn't really know ourselves. I myself have been very confused a while ago...
i know it sucks loosing friends, but if they cannot accept who you are then they do not deserve to be your friend.
I just want to say thanks to everyone who has read this and even more to those who responded. I really appreciate all the input. Its been nice to hear that I am not the only one, cause thats one thing that has made me feel the most isolated. I think Im headed in the right direction and have decided to start meditating more regularly and have started a journal to record progress on everything. You guys are the best. I feel so comfortable here. Thanks a lot.
I would say I went through a similar situation. My friends of my more than 7 years through out HS and earlier, didn't turn out eventually to respect me for who I am or each other, and I felt taken for granted many times... we all went our separate ways now and its cool, we might meet up once a month or so. Sure it was really bad losing them and all at first, but you can always make new friends...and trust me, never try to change yourself just to fit in.
You know Svenhook, how do you know that you don't know yourself? Maybe you just lost yourself. Maybe you just need to open up, a lot more, find people who are like you. It's a hard life trying to be you, because most of the time you're subconciously trying to be everyone else. It seems to me like you're not part of the normal crowd. Which isn't strange, it's fantastic. How many souls are lost to the world everyday by death of character? I tell everyone. You are your spirit, your body is your temple. Sometimes we're more spiritual beings than anything else, it's hard for us to understand, and it's hard for others to understand. But it is a magnificant thing. It's absolutely beautiful, and in time it's a beautiful life. Do you really want to know who you are? You're an artist. This is your life, and you can paint whatever kind of life you want. You're eighteen years old, right? This is the most important part of life to decide if you're going to be one of the clones, or if you're going to be the real spirit you know you are. Take a trip. Go with a couple of friends if you want to. Turn on some Blue October... roll down the window... get yourself some breeze.. trail mix in one hand.. a drink in the other... just breath, relax, and head somewhere.. with no real destination. That's the best part. Finding out where you end up.
