Selective Mutism

I really don't think homeschooling would be a good idea, that in itself would make this worse. You're right, you may not be able to outgrow it but it can get better. Interacting with people I think is the only way. At least that is what I find.

 

Oh, for sure it can get better, but it takes work. It won't get better by itself. Work is one thing my sister is highly allergic to... Basically, my neice doesn't have a chance. You do though, good luck!

 

I was very, very quiet from when I was very little. I was always quiet in class from about kindergardern-12th grade. Kids always commented on how I was so quiet in front of my face. This one bitchy,ugly girl even said to my face that I was a loser.

However, I had a good friends who I would consider my brothers. They kept me content, though I dont believe i have been happy my whole life, except for when I was about age 9 to 11 playing baseball with my best friend, which our relationship just denigrated when I turned 13 .

One girl who I have known from when i was 4, our relationship kind of fell apart about 6th-7th grade, because she became "popular." She was my girlfriend when I was 4-6 .

The point is I have gone through this, and am still sort of going through it. I don't talk to people I don't know, and the only people i meet are the people I work with, whom I mostly become friends with. I am in college, and I am not in a fraternity...it's just not my thing.

I have major, recent problems dealing with the relationship with my mother. She keeps accusing me of doing drugs and all this shit. All I remember from my childhood is her drinking wine everyday, pretty much everyday. Plus my dad cheated on her twice. She wonders why I am the way I am.

 

I don't know for sure because I was never diagnosed but I think I had selective mutism as a child. It's not like I don't have those kinds of problems anymore because even as an adult (I'm 31) I still have a social phobia but compared to my life 10 or 15 years ago I'm doing much better today.

I don't think that it'll ever go away all together, but it used to be really bad. When was younger I couldn't talk at all if I was in a group of people. I couldn't answer a question or say my own name, I was completely unable to talk in most situations outside my home. And now many years later I still suffer from social anxiety and it's causing me problems in my daily life but the problems are definately less severe than before.

 

I did a search on selective mutism on the forum and nothing came up so a started a thread with the same name plus a question mark. I'll try to delete that, and here's what I posted there:

I've been struggling with sever social anxiety for. . . well, forever. Well, I guess I've only been STRUGGLING for the past few years - before that I was kind of in a fantasy land telling myself I was normal and just a bit shy and that I wouldn't be prevented from acheiving anything anyone else would normally expect to acheive in life. Now I'm twenty one years old and can only have anything resembling casual conversation with close friends.

I can say the bare minimum of what needs to be said to people I don't know well as long as they aren't women about my age - for instance, I can say "hello" and "thank you" to the clerk at a grocery store when i'm buying something. I can sometimes communicate adequately with girls when absolutely necessary - if I'm paired up with a random girl in class and I'm lucky enough to be able to think halfway straight in the situation I can say waht needs to be said - and only that. Though I've told myself many times that I NEED to try to talk to a girl, it just doesn't happen, and can't. I'll be working with one or sitting next to one in class, and get the idea to just try to start a casual conversation, but I don't know what to say. The words aren't there. That place in my mind that supplies the words when I'm talking to somebody familar is utterly empty when talking to somebody I don't know very well. Its even getting to the point where I feel awkward having conversations with my roomates who I would consider my friends. I'll start talking with one, then after a few exchanges I'll get that awkward feeling and an overwhelming desire to just end the conversation and get away from the person.

Life has gotten progressively worse over the past few years. I started getting pulled from my fantasy land in my second year of college when I realized I had never had a girlfriend and all of the girls I would meet through facebook and try to hang out with would "mysteriously" (I thought it was mysterious at the time because I was bilssfully ignorant of my own condition) lose interest in me very quickly when I couldn't even begin to have any conversation with them. I'd just sit there while they talked, not make eye contact and saying nothing unless they asked a question, to which I'd usually respond with one or two word answers.

My dad emailed me a few days ago about a condition called 'selective mutism' - he knows I'm having social and depression troubles and I guess he just recently came accross this. He says the symptoms fit perfectly with my behavior as a child - being active and talkative (perhaps even excessively so) at home (most of the time) but completely silent in school or any other public place. It is often misunderstood by others to be stubborn, rude or cold behavior. It's a subconsious block of speech that overrides even compelling reasons to speak - for instance, children who are offered toys if they speak, or threatened with punishments if they don't, will continue to remain silent just the same. I can remember being yelled at by my father as a child and becoming completely unresponsive, at which point he'd demand that I talk or face consequences. I chose consequences (which usually involved more yelling and getting grounded for an excessive period of time)

Selective mutism is supposed to be treated early. However my parents thought I was just "shy" and that the way I acted wasn't too terribly abnormal. Thus I've reached the age of 21 without any treatment whatsoever. The problem is Selective mutism creates social phobia and development problems that become ingrained in the personality if it isn't treated promptly - like 15 years ago in my case.

I've just started talking to a psychologist at the University I'm attending because I was becoming horribly depressed. All I could think about was how I would never be able to interract normally and, what really got me down, how I would never be able to spend time with a girl outside of chance situations (for instance working in the same area as one at work or being paired with one in a classroom task) in which the interaction would be meaningless and minimal on my part. I stopped being able to feel emotions beyond anger and fear - a third of the time I would be seething with anger at my peers who wouldn't accept me and couldn't care less that I was left out entirely, another third of the time I would get this overwhelming sensation of terror or impending doom that seemed to have no particular origin - and the rest of the time I was just in this blank state where I could do nothing but stare at a wall and just kind of "detatch" - its about as close as you could get to being unconcsious with your eyes still open and muscles still functioning to keep you upright.

The psychiatrist tried to put me on SSRI antidepressants but the side effects were monstrous - chest pains, panic attacks, fainting, severe anxiety (again, seemed to be an extreme fear of either nothing in particular or that the medication was killing me), vomitting, etc. He switched me to Bupropion (generic Wellbutrin) which works on Dopamine and Norepiniphrine instead of seratonin and it seemed to help with the depression. I would even say it has given me a little bit more confidence - but the difference is like taking a cup of sand out of the beach. I'm still socially inept and an embarrassment to myself in any situation in which I'm expected to interact socially, and I can already feel this fact slowly overriding the antidepressant effects of the medication.

It all seems pretty hopeless. Talking to the psychologist and allowing the psychiatrist to put me on medication was my last hope - I had taken a firm stance that I would never take medication up until a couple months ago when I realized I was good as dead and had tried everything else I could come up with. I don't feel like talking to the psychologist is helping me much - I do like and respect the guy and even believe he's good at what he's doing - but he's not really telling me anything I don't already know or giving me any suggestions I haven't already tried. Maybe he and the meds need more time to work, but so far the results are pretty discouraging.

Is anyone else in this or a similar utterly hopeless social situation?