Breaking/Breaking-up Dilemma would like some advice.

Hey well I am a single again and it really does hurt. I just wanted to go over the situation and see if anyone has ever had a simular relationship expeireince. Here goes:

Me and my Ex-Gf had been dating for around 2 years and i honestly felt like they were the two best years of my life. She was the first one to tell me she loved me and it really made me feel amazing. So anyways i think things took a sour turn right after this Valentines weekend..

At first she said that we needed a "break" and although i was initially all for this, i told her that if she was planning on making this break longer than a month that she might as well make it a breakup.. And so now were officially done. But its alot more complex than that. She told me that she is still deeply in love with me but that she feels it would be better for the two of us to be single during the last years of college and just live life and get wild from time to time. She also feels as if i need more time to mature, our relationship has been serious and could have lead to marriage, and she needs time to get her shit in order.

So anyways i talked with her alot about this and she says that she still sees us being together in the future and having kids and growing old together. Although this is nice to hear.. i just can't help but feel horrible.. Because she wants us to both be free to hook-up with other people and maybe have sex with other people. I honestly know that i love her though and i just cant bring myself to want to do what she has propoosed.. Furthermore i feel that if she goes off and has sex with a bunch of guys and i go off and have sex with a bunch of chicks there will be no way we will ever make it back together..

I need advice here.. Is it wrong for me to not want her to go hookup with other people even though we are technically on a broken up/break.. we still share a cuddle from time to time and chat.. And is it possible for the her to mean it when she says she loves me but still want to date and possibly fuck other ppl?

Thanks
-Peaches

 

Too young for a serious relationship. Move on, go have some fun and date some other women, because she has clearly stated that she is going to date other people. Especially at your age, its important to do so. Women in their early 20's get a lot of attention from guys, and its normal for them at that age to date a LOT of people. And you should be doing the same.

Go hit up some parties, find some hottie and hit on her!! You will feel better in no time, I promise.

You never know, you may wind up with her later in life, or you might meet someone new who is 10x better. Just don't let it get you down.

 

why would u want to even think about settling down at age 20? do u have a stable job with good income? a house? completley financialy independent? if the answer to any of those is no then I would say you should hold off with the settling down thoughts for some time

 

Ok, Well maybe I am young but for some reason i don't think that matters. I'm almost 21 and i'm graduating next semester. Anyways whats the points in getting into a relationship if you are not at least attempting to go somewhere with it.. Seriously. And to the second response.. i think your being a little close minded here. Love isn't confined to those three economic groupings you mentioned and i have landed numerous government internships so i don't see why i wouldn't have a job out of college.

Well my recent approach to this whole mess has been to just completely cut her off, therefore she may realize what shes losing. It might work, might not. I feel like shes been really testing me here but i think this will bring us together.

 

i dont think its "wrong" for you to not want her to hook up with other guys. if she means as much to you as you say she does then it might be "jelousy". but if she wants it then maybe the just needs a break or something. you said she said that she saw you getting old and children etc., but you're young, and if you're going to take a breather then better now then when you're 40 i guess.

 

hmmm well i think that its really cool that you have found someone your seriously contemplating "settling down" with and yea i dont think you have to have a stable job or what not to get married and yea your young but who the fuck cares if you feel like you want to marry her and you truly love her then who can say your too young? i hate it when people say im too young to be in love but thats another story but yea

i dono the fact that she loves you but wants to have some time to be wild may not be a good thing does she really genuinelly love you or is she just saying that
could she be loosing interest and just saying this?
hmm well i really hope you figure it out

good luck!

 

It seems like she may be seeing if the grass really is greener on the other side. She has put you on her back burner. The "we need a break" translates a couple of ways:

1. The person doesn't know what they want and feels too confused or pressured in their environment, so the take a break to get their head on straight and rarely seek sexual partners. They use their time to evaluate their relationship and themselves.

2. The person has considered cheating, or has seen, or knows, a potential new partner. They decide to take a break to experience the other person/people. This allows them to avoid the guilt of cheating. or the labels attached to it. When they are done "playing the field" they either return to the person they took a break from, or make the break final.

I am sure there are other scenarios, but those seem to be the common ones.

Basically it is a polite way of cheating on someone. "Yeah I screwed him/her, but we were broken up so it wasn't cheating." The reality is that if you love her being broken up does not change the pain and betrayal you will feel if she sleeps with someone else and you find out. The downside is that because you were broken up at the time you can't be mad at her for doing it and in many ways have to ignore it. It hurts to know that someone you love has moved on. The hardest part it admitting it to yourself.

 

I think I am about to put my bf in a similar situation. as someone on the other side, she may be completely honest that she loves you and wants to marry you but now, she wants to just experience life a little. but maybe she is just giving you a load of crap and really just wants to find someone else.

it depends on how well you think you know her. Do you think she is being truthful that she loves you but is just confused?

if you want to wait for her and experience some life yourself, then do it. im really sorry you're going through this, its really rough to be either person in this situation

 

You've never heard the old saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it never was?"

Personally, I think it's a nice way of letting a person in your situation down to reality. But the cold truth is that you should never look back. It's always possible that you'll run into each other years from now and maybe anything will happen...but not if you keep holding on to what is now the past.
A break up is a break up. It should be assumed to be permanent, because it almost always is.
It hurts. I know. I've lost love (not including family and friends who died) four times in 34 years. It never gets easier. In fact, it gets harder because you know with each failed relationship that you've got less time to find something that works.
So, what can you do? You've got to take it like a man. It sucks. Embrace the suck. Focus on what's important. Make your life as good as it can be. Graduate as close to the top of your class as you can, prepare to enter the workforce, and party as much as your GPA can handle. Learn about life.
In time, you'll probably think she was really wise and very strong to do what she did.
It's over. Grieve a little, then move on. I've lost myself in loss before. I've had the wind taken out of me. I've gone through depression and worthlessness. I've spent months without a job, laying in bed and self-medicating constantly. Don't be pathetic like that. Make your life good, and it will be.


That's all I got.

 

Cut her off completely. If she has a myspace or facebook or whatever, dont check it. Get rid of her phone numbers, and bury away pictures and stuff youve received somewhere where you wont find them for years. I dated a girl for 2 years too, and she left me for a guy. We had a break halfway through the relationship and she slept with two guys. Since we got back together, all I could think of is how she could still say she loved me, and i thought of what those guys looked like, their age, i became consumed in my own grief. It's not worth it man. Get rid of her and put yourself out there. You will find someone better for you. I did and I truly found someone better by a lot.

I agree with what you said about getting into relationships. I could fuck any other girl but it just isnt the same as with someone you love. In other countries, and even the US at one point, found getting married at younger ages the norm. To be honest, by the time you are 21, you should know what you want. If you want to get married or party. Personally I want to get married by 22, and have a kid soon after.