This is some material I wrote. It's the sort of stuff that would have been performed in variety shows in the old days. Vaudeville Routines By: Jon-Erik Nordquist - Believe me when I say that I care how your day went. So, how did the day go? Did it say goodbye when it went? Did it depart handsomely in a neatly pressed suit? Mind wasn’t worth writing home about. But then why would I write to my own home? Fancy that, putting my own letters in my own mailbox for me to find. I’m just a citizen reaching out to his fellow man, wherever he may be. It’s what got us all through the Great Depression. - It’s so cold the weather freezes my words in midair for the world to see. A real man is warmed by the fires of his spirit. Think what George Washington went through at Valley Forge. Oh, it’s so hard to meet people these days, especially George Washington. We’ve become an uptight, money-driven, emotionless society. People need to open themselves up and let love’s vibrations flow in. A loving heartbeat is truly out of sight. - You know what this world needs more of: bargains! They make the world go round. Well, my world anyway. A bargain a day keeps bankruptcy away. I’ll say it once, or twice/ And forget all that jargon/ There’s a bargain at any price/ And a price at any bargain - My poor friend… You can’t see the forest for the trees. And you can’t see anything for me either. No, if you want to catch my glimpses for me it will cost you plenty. - 1st person: I ran a red light. / 2nd person: In a race? Did it beat you? Too bad if it did. Imagine being beat by a safety device. - And now I think it’s time I got back to sleep. It’s been paging me ad infinitum since breakfast. There are some things in life just too good to pass up so excuse me while I pass out. - After I get to sleep I’ll send you a postcard. Just don’t be surprised if you can’t read it. - Oh, you just don’t understand. You’re lying down on the job. You’ve got to put yourself in my shoes and walk around in them. Of course I’ll shine em first. - I’m no fool. It’ll take more than the average voodoo to separate me from my money. We have a very happy marriage. From the minute I gazed into those greenback’s eyes (and was promptly confronted with the faces of long dead heads of state) I was swept off my feet. I’ll remain airborne into I come cashing down. - Hey there. It’s been a while. I while away these hours expanding my learning at the expense of my social development. That’s one heck of a while.
