relationship decision

yikes, part of me wishes i would havenever posted this thread... although it has given me a lot to think about..

i'm coming to the conclusion that possibly i'm just not happy with myself. because honestly, i am very happy with shawn. he's the one person in this world i truly care about.. and i don't want to lose that.

Autentique- thanks for that post. i can see alot of me in you. except the weird thing is, i DO feel content right now. i think all of this is my fault.

basically some background info (which i shoudl have stated earlier, but i was too much of a pussy to do so) is that last summer i went to Bolivia for 2 months to work. i was in the field, so no phone contact for 2 months, and only about 4 emails the whole time. this was extremely difficult for me, being away form the one person i truly loved. well long story short, i slept with a boy i met there. when i got back all hell broke loose. i hid it from shawn for a week and then told him.
our once perfect love was now tainted in a way, and we've been dealing with that ever since. so basically i fucked up. but he has been way more than understanding..we have both grown so much...
and really the only time i have "other desires" is when drinking (usually liquor). because i am a very impulsive person, so when a moment for a kiss arises, i'm all sensory and stupid and not rational, so i have trouble saying no.

ugh i just feel so lame and stupid now. we are still very much in love. and it's not that i'm scared of committment. i think its a beautiful thing.

and unknown american, i get what you're saying..i think that was a little harsh though. shawn is a very strong person, way stronger than me, its just that he loves me with all his heart and i literally begged him to try to understand me. so if anything, its me who is the pathetic one.

well ive just severly depressed myself so im going to play outside now...

 

Don't be depressed. Perhaps drinking is your problem if that's when these outside desires arise. There's a void in your life that you're trying to fill without extra attention. Figure out what that void is and you'll be much better off than you will be if you go out making out with guys every time you have a few too many beers.

 

thank you...really... these words are very true.. :/
i guess ive got some soul searching to do?

 

Just get a sex change, it'll solve all your problems!

Then again, instead of having to deal with being you, you'd have to deal with dealing with you. I'm not sure which would be worse.

 

its just that people have a hard time dealing with the animal desires that are the major part of your unconscious self. you satisfy those urges and it feels great... at the time. unconscious lusting about without having a conscience about it and the repercussions of your actions will always hurt those near you. the only person that are not hurt in that scenario is the person you hook up with, but even then you may have led them on or they had the same unconscious need to satisfy a desire... it can still be hurtful to them.

the only way to love the one you are with and come to grips with that unconscious need for satisfaction is to be conscious of your desires, where they come from and why, and the long-term effects of acting on impulse. if acting on impulse is hurting you then, well, maybe looking for the freedom to do just that is the wrong decision.

there are many ways to combat the unconscious desires we all have. people come up with their own ways to go about it. they all center around being more conscious of yourself and your world, what drives you and why. having a little forethought never hurt anyone, but having an altogether lack of it can be the most self destructive thing ever.

 

Let's say(to reduce this to mechanical terms-a man's point of view,for sure),you are A,your present lover is B and stranger is C.You have sex with C and it's the most amazing thing that's ever happened to you.Do you stay with B or do you switch to C,given under this hypothetical that you get along with each about the same?Is this about sex only?There seems to be so many ways of looking at this,with all the little variables in humans=personality,sexual ability,appearance,commonalities,ect.I don't know---do people with open relationships go from one to the next in sex only or do they trade"up,(as it were)? much?Occasionally? Mystery to me.

 

I would think open relationships work best when the couple has a long history of emotional commitment, great appreciation for one another, excellent communication synchronicity, and trust.

If you don't have that, it's very likely sex with others will lead to someone being dumped. But then again, longevity as far as I'm concerned is not what relationships are necessarily about.

 

hahahah...probably dealing with dealing with me :tongue:

although i can be pretty damn cool

 

I know right, how often do you wonder whether you'd date yourself or not?

I do it all the time and I always end up answering 'hell fucking yeah!'

 

hahah, if i weren't me, im pretty sure i would date me. i'm fun and easygoing and im good in bed and i roll great blunts

 

Yes,but when you're having sex and you start calling out your own name,it's time to start dating someone else!

 

hahahah i would never do that

unless masturbation counts

 

Only one question .... do you like beer?

I've never trusted a female that doesnt drink beer.

 

Oh come on Scratcho, how are you supposed to appreciate someone else in bed if you first can't learn to love to appreciate yourself in bed?

I'll never fault anyone for loving themselves so much as to scream their own name in bed.

 

BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAA


oh..sorry...were you seriously asking me that? :applause:

 

:flowers:



I had guessed as much, but you never know about you internet folk. You're all very suspicious people .......

 

Yeah,I guess you're right.Can't you just see it--say your name is Joel(what a coincidence!)You're boggin' it to a fine lady and you're hollering"Oh joel,oh god -fuck me joel-You're so good joel-fuck me joel-I never knew it could be so good joel"!!!.I'm not too sure it would be appreciated by the lady,but she would definately know you loved yourself quite a bit.

 

...... yeah, pretty much.

Except for that bit about 'fuck me joel', thats pretty much how I sound in bed. I never tell myself to fuck myself.

Well that and the fact that my ladies are rarely fine.

 

You only get ugly girlies?

 

ugly girl or fat dude or it wasn't a good saturday night.