Why??? Please tell me why..

I know most of you are young, and a lot younger than my ex. But please someone tell me why he refuses to stop seeing this old fucking fat **** who he used to date 10 years ago??? He went out with her not one fucking week after we split up, and he chooses to spend all his time with her and not his daughter.. Why????

Why won't he stop seeing her.. Why does he continue to be with her even though he knows he put me through hell, broke my heart, and is just using her now??

Why can't I get better? Why can't I move on?? I need to fuck someone.. I need to do something with someone. I need to stop feeling this way. The reason this all came up tonight is cause I was driving home late from a friend's house and I drove by his house. He wasn't home so I called him and he's there at her house.. Fixing her car I guess. What is so special about her?? I'm young, I'm hot, I have nice tits, and I'm the mother of his fucking child. Shouldn't I mean more to him? Shouldn't he owe me more than this????? What is so special about her????? She's 37, fat, and a desperate fucking loser who has the emotional capacity of my sister when she was like 12.

Sorry about this shit, but I just took some xanax, my regular anxiety pill, and I'm drinking beer. And I need to stop being upset over this, but I just don't fucking get it?!!!! Why does he want her so bad???! I was so much better than him, and I'm the one now begging him to stop seeing her? What the fuck do I do?

 

Because he has fucked up priorities. Think of it this way- do you really want him around your daughter when he clearly doesn't want to be? Let him go and center yourself... focus on what's important. The sooner you get over him the sooner you might be ready for a worthwhile dude who will not only be your equal in a relationship but will have the class and character to be a father figure to Jade... but you're NOT going to get to that point while you're still OBSESSING!!!

 

I know, but it's hard because I still have a very broken heart! And he doesn't! Is it normal for me to want him to hurt???? That would help me tremendously, and then I wouldn't give a damn about what he does. I just want him to feel some pain cause I've felt more than anyone should have to handle when it comes to these types of situations. I just don't want to hurt anymore.. I need to know that I actually meant something to him.. He's basically slapping me in the face by being with her. He couldn't be a good man for me?? But he can for her??

 

Who says he's being a good man for her? He deals with his pain with alcohol and drugs. That is going to catch up with him in its own time. You need to fill the role as protector of Jade and you can't do that effectively if you're still obsessing over your ex. Yes, it's perfectly natural to want him to feel pain. You just need to have faith that he will get his... meanwhile you need to move on... get laid if you must but move on.

 

He's a liar, and he'll do anything to get what he wants.. It will take a while for her to see that again. But I don't think I can move on knowing that he's just fine and happy and in love with another woman. I thought I was a lot more to him than this.

 

i agree with stinkfoot get laid

 

And seeing you in such emotional pain is going to make him hurt-- how? The split wasn't exactly amicable and at some level he's going to get satisfaction out of knowing that his apparent ability to move on is hurting you... but it isn't that- it's you hurting yourself by continuing to obsess over him. If you don't find a way to get past it permanently it will fuck you up... possibly mess up any chance of you finding true happiness with a real man who deserves a good relationship and would like to start a family.

 

How did you 2 meet in the first place? How much time do you spend together now with the exception of things concerning the kid? Are you 2 still romantically involved if you know what I mean?

 

I worked at a gas station for awhile and he came in one night and asked me out and so stupidly I said yes.. We fell in love pretty quickly, but it was probably more infatuation. I new in the beginning I was making a mistake getting involved with him, but I still did. So most of this crap now is my fault.

We don't see eachother at all now cause he doesn't even call to see jade. He's still friends with my dad and he could call him if he doesnt want to talk to me, but he doesn't. And no I tried to make that a posibillity, but he didn't want to "cheat" on her. Can you fucking believe that? That really hurt me too. What about me?? I consider what he did a betrayal, and it fucked me up bad.

 

You talk about infatuation versus love in this situation. Do you think a lot of this is coming from the fact that you still have feelings for him or that maybe you are looking for closure on this? Were you happy when you were with him or was it a chaotic kind of thing?
In these situations people often will encourage you with bumper sticker slogans and such but the truth is that these things are hard and you have to tough it out. I am sorry you are going through this, relationships are without a doubt the most complicated thing eh?
In regards to this other girl, what is the back story on those two, did he leave you for her?

 

well they both lived in boston some odd years ago, before we met. And apparently were even supposed to be engaged. Her words to me were this. "There was always something about steve..." Even though she knows what he's like and how he's such a loser she still wants him, and that tells me that she's TOTALLY desperate.

And yes I do still have feelings for me, but he's obviously moved on. I'm a lot younger than he is, and it's a lot harder for me to cope with this than it is for him. He tried getting me back for all of 1 week.. then he started talking to her again, and he forgot all about me. I didn't even find out till I read his email and found out that he saw her.

 

Misery likes company, so its normal to want him hurt the way you are.

I know my opinion is easy for me to say since im not you dealing with your problems. But my advice, is to try to stop him from controlling your emotions, your a lot better than that, which you have proved in your post. Your allowing him and his personal life affect you in a very negative way, which is letting HIM win. You need to take control and remind yourself that you are very fortunate to be a gorgeous, intelligent, independent mother of a lucky daughter. Let this whole chapter of his life come and go. In the meantime, be the best example to your little girl, have fun, and enjoy the life you have been given to the fullest. Theres so many people who would love to have relationship problems instead of the life endangered problems they encounter on a daily basis.


Shits straight from the heart Jadesmom. Good luck and keep doin ya thing.

 

I was talking to a friend about this same kind of thing today. She split up with her husband, took some time off, and then when she wanted to give things a try again he had hooked up with a train wreck much like the girl you describe above.
Sometimes men will not pursue a woman if she is to available to them. Perhaps in your situation the best thing to do would be to become unavailable to him. If he thinks you are starting to drift away he might show a renewed interest. I think the mistake people make in this situation can be to jump into another relationship right away and then use that as a way to make the other person realize what they have lost.

Recently, at the end of January, I came home from work (an 18 hour shift no less) and found that my girl whom I had lived with for 8 months decided to move out. The house was empty, no note, nothing. In the weeks that followed all the predictable truths that you would expect in these situations came to light and it was certainly difficult. While my initial thoughts focused on her and the horror of suddenly being alone, as time went on I refocused on myself and now a very short time later I am dating again and things are cool. You have my sympathies love, these things are never easy and they can eat up large chunks of your life. One way or the other disconnecting yourself from him seems to be the best option right now, that being said I realize how difficult this can be.
Things will get better in time, have faith. You will be smoking again before you know it

 

why dont you just get on with you life... if there's one thing that annoys me its people who whine about their life and dont fix it or get on with it.. i suggest you do one or both

 

man believe me it's not that easy. I've tried everything. This has been going on for awhile now. I can't just forget him cause we share a child. I have a lawyer and I'm trying to obtain full custody, and he doesn't even really care.

I've been trying everything. I stopped checking on them online.. I stopped calling him/talking to him. I just can't get him out of my head. I go to the gym 6 days a week. I try to be interested in other men. I would get a job, but I can't cause both my parent's work and I have to take care of jade. I live out in the middle of nowhere with not a lot of friends around. I've already seen 2 of my old friends and hung out with them a couple of times. I've made plans with others for some shows and parties coming up in a few weeks.

I'm fucking trying, but I have a broken heart. My mom won't really help me with this cause she hates him and doesn't understand how I feel. She had a fucked up childhood and nothing really effects her like it does me.

SO whatever.. I'm not whining.. I'm sad.

 

Thank you for being so kind and understanding.. You seem to be such a nice level headed and understanding person. I've been desperatly trying to disconnect from him. I've stopped checking up on them online, stopped calling him.. except for tonight.. but whenever i go into the next town i have to drive by our old street and then our other first apartment. All the surrounding towns are off of a main st so it's hard to avoid that. and everything lately is reminding me of him. it sucks when all you can remember is the good times, even when most of the memories were bad.

 

Thank you also. You've also given me some very kind words and a new perspective.

and you're right about people who have FAR worse shit going on than mine.. Can you imagine if he was cheating on me with this woman?? I don't know how people who get cheated on handle it. I think I'd go WAY off the deepend lol. I wish I could be a bit more socially stable. Jade woke up and now I'm holding her in my lap and she's resting her head on me while I type. At least I have her. SHe's the most important thing in my life.

 

If there is one thing that anybody has ever said that is completely true, its that men are pigs.

I know because I am a man. If you are a man that tries to disagree then either you are not really a man or you are 1 in a million.

 

lol most of them are yes, but my dad is a good man. He's actually been the only one around that's been able to talk some sense into me.. he's a pretty smart common sense type guy, and he treats my mom like gold.

it's strange that ive always gone after the loser assholes.

 

Perhaps at some level you believe that you can change them...?