So, I think my life is better with drugs than without. I know that sounds completely horrible & stupid & whatever, but I think it's the truth, plain & simple. Before drugs, I was sorta happy... in a way. But not the sort of happy I want to be. The kind of happy I always wished for. It was..."Okay, everything sucks and I'm gonna make it work" happy and...I don't like that. With drugs, I'm 100% completely happy. It's a whole new world. Everything's so different and it's pretty much amazing. And honestly, it's not just "Drugs" in general. It's ecstacy. That shit makes me the happiest person in the world. And it's not just when I'm on it. I don't have that depression come down that I hear a lot of people get from ex, I just feel chill and like I don't give a fuck. And not giving a fuck is a pretty nice feeling, if I do say so myself. I worry SO much ALL the time. That's why I like ex. It just makes me happy and everything amazing when I'm on it and when I'm off, I don't care. And if you really understood how much I worry and freak out and shit, you'd understand how awesome it is to just not care for awhile. I definitely want this back again. Just wait til I really get rollin' in some money. Tabs, here I come.
i know how you feel, you and i would get along, lol - thats exactly like me. but think about it, if you can feel that way on E... then you can feel that way without it.. just think about the way you felt while on it, while sober. no need for drugs ... its bad in the longrun
It's not the same. When I'm not on anything, all I can do is think about all the bad shit that's going on & I can't stop it. Half the time, it ends up with me having panic attacks and it just fucking sucks. My last one was 1 hr 30 mins. Panic attacks just AREN'T supposed to last that long. It's ridiculous. I just need something to let me let loose and let go and just not give a fuck for awhile ever now and then.
yeah,I'm working on getting it prescribed. unfortunately I live in a shitty ass small town and can't find any place to go
The idea that you're happier on drugs is actually not that weird. On some thread on here someone was talking about how drug users can take any cocktail of drugs and make ourselves feel exactly how we want to.
That's true, I guess. I guess it just feels like that means my happiness is starting to get dependant on them and I don't like the idea of being that dependant on anything...
Yet sober people are all dependant on some kind of vice in their lives, yourvice in life is just illegal and sadly frowned upon
Yeah. I'm in a really....weird place in my life right now. I don't really know what to think about pretty much anything.
yeah? I'm like...at this point where It feels like all I'm doing is "just' living, I have no direction in my life at all. Nothing seems worth it any more, ya know?
yeah i know.. eventually you'll figure it all out.. i felt like that too for a while.. we are a lot a like, you and i.. lol.
I'm like that, just stuck in an akward spot. Like I don't even know what kinda music I like to listen to. Blah, I guess this is growing up, and well quite frankly it sucks.
Not a good idea. I went down that road. The benzos steal your soul and replace it with nothingness which is neither good nor bad. Its like the purgatory of your emotions. You wont regret learning to deal with the pain without pharms, its worth it in the long run. First you have to explore your mind and discover where your unhappiness comes from. This takes time, and it is hard to interpret yourself when you are under the influence of even a medical dose of benzos because your mind isn't working how it regularly would, so its hard to find insight on why you feel the way you do. This is how I felt exactly. I thought I couldn't make it, but with the help of acupuncture and a special candyflipping experience I have come to find some of the beauty in life and continue to explore. Im not suggesting taking psychedelics to cure anything by any means, everybody has their own way. Definitely research and try acupuncture. I was skeptical, but it continues to help me.
Well, goofydrummer, I may not need benzos for the reason elover meant, but I've been having a horrible time with panic attacks (most recent one lasted 1 hr 30 mins) I really think I do need those... hah. It'll just take some strength/will power to not just pop them like candy if I get the prescribed.
Yeah, I suffer from the same, not from E. Just make sure to take em only when needed. Its hard to stop when you have a bottle sittin there.
E makes you feel great then you start abusing it, and you completely regret all of it when you start feeling completely retarded. Be careful and try not to do it too much.
I know what you mean. That's why I'm kinda at the point right now where....I really do think I need them... but right now, I'm kinda scared to go do anything about it and get them prescribed cause I'm just not sure I trust myself to not pop them like candy at this moment Yeah, I mean...I haven't done it a wholewhole bunch. I did it quite a bit this past summer, but even at that, I still didn't do that much. My guess would be probably not even 30 pills, seriously. Cause most of the time I only needed one to roll my balls off. lol
