Alright, so I know she isn't "technically" family, but I need some advice dealing with my best friend (whom I do consider a sister). I just found out shes started smoking weed. She's almost 19, so I would hope she knows what shes getting into. But I have a really hard time accepting her want to experiment because of some family issues. My father is a drug addict and an alcoholic. He left my mom to marry another woman when I was maybe 2 or 3. Living both with and without him was very destructive. He's always drunk, always high. I don't think I've ever seen him sober. My mother occasionally does cocaine. She isn't as destructive about it but it still bothers me, because she thinks its a perfectly okay drug to do. I dunno...it just bothers me. My stepdad smokes weed all day every day. He's got paranoia, terrible memory lapses, and if he doesn't get his weed, he gets violent. I remember once he shoved my brother into a table because my brother said something to him while he was out of weed that he didn't like. I've had several friends in high school go the drug route and end up very near to death. They all started with weed. And they all said the same thing she said: "I can control it. Its not like I need it all the time". And guess what? They do. I'm so incredibly dissapointed in her and yeah, angry at her. And a little torn, because I vowed I would never intentionally involve myself with someone that does drugs like that ever again, because of what its done to me in the past. I love her to death, I just don't know what to say to her. She knows all the risks, same as I do, but she's never seen the shit I have.
i seen all the same shit you seen. i grew up with it too. she has to go her own way, and make her own mistakes. your first concern has to be yourself and, don't let yourself be distored by her. i had to stand by and watch my brother, sister, parents, and grandparents all kill themselves. if i had not detach myself from their shit, i would be dead today as well. i'm sorry i have to be the one to tell you "the facts of life." i am so very, very sorry!
Kitty, Blackcat is right. You probably will have to seperate yourself from your best friend, or at least distance yourself. Before you do, please go to her and have an open and honest discussion with her. Tell her what you wrote to us. It's a shame that sometimes we can talk to complete strangers, but not to our loved ones. If you are close, then she should understand your pain and anger and disappointment. Some people can smoke pot without it affecting them and some can't. Many people I know smoke it weekly or daily and it has little to no effect. I enjoy smoking it, but choose not to because I have two kids to raise... But I also drink maybe twice a year for the same reason... we all deal with drugs differently. I'm sorry that the people around you are so addicted to different drugs. Pot is the only thing I actually don't have a problem with and even then, only rarely. It sounds like you have your head screwed on straight and we're all thankful for that. Just try to talk with your friend openly. Watch her and see if she can limit her usage and if it affects her life. Be her friend, but distance yourself. When people get on drugs, they tend to pull their friends down by involving them in their troubles... friends become toxic and it's really sad. We try to help people and we end up with more trouble than we can handle. Remember that the cold hard fact is: "No good deed goes unpunished" So do your best to love people, but look out for yourself, first. If you need to discuss it more: wdouglas71@gmail.com Good luck and we'll all hope for the best!
She needs to be shown what can happen to her. Take her to a mental hospital or something. The desire to do drugs at that age comes from either curiosity or depression. It's sad to see people doing stupid things to themselves. the reason I say "at that age" is because when I was 19 I thought I may as well but I was smart enough to see how stupid and pointless it was.
We did sit down and have a long talk. I told her everything, and all she told me was "well, you should try it." Sigh. But thank you for the advice. I think I'm gonna have her over and have her talk to my stepdad for like five minutes. She'll understand.
Smoking weed is not the problem with your family members, they are the problem. Smoking weed does not make you end up in the mental hospital. Pot smoking may not be the mentally healthiest thing for certain people, but it is not the reason someone is crazy. I understand your concerns, particularly with the substance abuse issues within your family, but your take on marijuana smoking is awfully "refer madness" with it's lack of facts and knowledge.
herb can be used as a tool for good, or it can be abused, much like most things in life. If your friend is taking it to meditate and to look within, or to try and find a bit of peace in herself then im all for it. Yeah herb can lead to more drugs, but you thats when you know people are abusing it, using it as a gateway drug. herb wasnt made by man, therefore it is given to us by the almighty. man-made drugs are made by man, there are always sinister motifs in those. Just be there for your friend if she needs you. If she pushes you away, give her space and just be there for her when she reaches for you again. It might hurt but its what friends do right? one love
over the last 6 years i've lost two friends to heroin. they're both still alive but once it entered their lives i had to leave. i told both of them that i didn't want to be around it and wouldn't be seeing them anymore. i miss them both and wish them well but i'm better off without them. talk to your friend and tell her how you feel about it.
There is absolutely no comparison between a 19 y/o woman smoking some ganja and a herion addict! What is this thread a DARE propaganda class? Smoke a bowl and relax will ya.
OP do you attend any addiction support groups for family member of addicts? Worrying about your friend because what you have seen in your own family is normal. Becoming fanatical about it, while understandable, is not going to benefit you much in life. If you do not choose to be around drugs then don't be around them. Don't expect to control your friend though, it's not your job and is entirely too much work to raise an adult. Tell her "I respect your decision to do it, so you can respect mine not to be around it" or something like that. Hang out together, have fun, and when the pipe comes out say "time to go." I have friends that are into recreational drugs that I would not/do not use. I don't nag them or criticize them, I just leave the room or ask them to step outside/other room nicely. They have NEVER used it in my home because I have kids. Never had to tell them not to, they just don't. We're still friends because I like who they are as people. The drugs do not define them. I also had a wonderful friend that was a recovering addict. He went through a rough patch and is now homeless and strung out. His friends tried to help, but he has refused it every time. Same drugs as my other friends, but a totally different outcome. It depends on ther person as much as the drug. Some people get hooked their first time, some get hooked over time, and most people use drugs recreationally (to heighten sensations, relieve stress, blow off steam, etc). Most people that run out of pot do not become violent, they call a friend. Drinking doesn't MAKE someone an asshole, but it does make it easier for them to justify their crappy behavior. Sorry you have had such a negative association with drugs. Not everyone is like what you have been through.
Some of the "facts" my kids come home with are laughable. Basically schools are trying to use Scared Straight tactics to teach anti-drug lessons. I just roll my eyes and take my kids online and research the information with them. My kids are well informed which will bite me in the ass one of these days I am sure.
