Regreting what you didn't do

"Be a better pillow!"

"Here."

He moves over you, putting his arm around you're waist as you lean against his chest.



"JD ,I'm pregnant."
Scrubs in in the background making you wonder.
"Ugh."

"What?"

"I don't want to have a baby, like ever."

"Why not?"

"You kidding me, I would stomach would be fucking huge and I would get stretch marks all on my stomach and tits because they are getting big fast. Then I have to go threw the whole squeezing a watermelon out of straw. It would be fucking painful as hell."

"You wouldn't want to have kids because you would have stretch marks?"

"Yeah."

"But don't you think that it would be worth it in the end because you would be able to say that you created a life with you're love?"

"Ok, that right there, has to be the sweetest thing you have said."

He kisses you on the head and put's his hand on you're shoulder.

As you watch the T.V. with him, you notice how he has moved him hand back to you're waist but is now heading for you're hips. And you really don't care, you've had closer encounters with him than this.

"We should go out again." he say's after the show is over.

"What? Where is this coming from?"

"You still like me ,don't you?"

"We can't, It's too complicated, I would be slaughtered by everyone."

"You sure?"

"I know I would."

"One more kiss at least?"

He leans in a kisses you softly yet lovely. When the kiss is over it leaves you wondering.

"Shit, my mom's calling, I got to go."

"Oh come on, stay longer."

"My mo-"

"Please?"

"I'll ask."

It's a yes. You two stay on that couch treasuring the moments of watching Scrubs and talking about you're futures. Who you want to fuck, who he want's to fuck, who you want to marry, who he want's to marry. You forgot to ask him when the science homework was due before he left. You forgot to tell him that you did like him and wanted to go out with him before he left to go home. You forgot to tell him you loved him when he left to go home and pop some more fucking pills.

How could you forget?

You fucking regret it the moment he's gone.

 

sound like you've been reading my diary

 

actually it's something i wished i did to a friend before he left for good

 

Story would be improved if you deleted all the line skips between paragraphs. That can be done by using <shift/enter> instead of <enter> at end of line.
That butcher knife in your signature is very creepy. What's your point?

 

What do you mean what's my point?
Of the story?
or of the pic?

 

Hmmm... not so sure what to make of this. It's good that you're writing in the second person, and I guess it's interesting that the dialog drives things forward... and I'm not going to point out that a lot of your possessives are somehow confused with contractions...

But I really think you should take out all the f-bombs. I'm not big on using the word 'fuck' for emphasis-- it makes everything seem ugly and hateful. It's especially jarring as you go from talking about babies and kissing gently to 'who you want to fuck' and 'popping fucking pills' and 'fucking regretting it'. It just sounds trashy! And it removes any warmth that the story might have.

Maybe that's the only thing that's ruining this story, I don't know. I suppose there's a story or at least a worthwhile snapshot in the whole 'this guy was crap to you but you still love him' thing... but really, not much happens here. They watch TV and fool around a bit, and then he goes home. It reads more like a journal entry than a story. Or maybe like a deleted scene from an episode of some family drama. There's definitely no proper beginning or end... and I guess you could say 'I want it to be like that', or 'I don't need to be a slave to conventional structures', but if nothing happens and nothing changes, then what's the point???

 

The point is me writting down an event that happened in my life that should have had a different ending so that the world i live in now isnn't hell.

That's the point

 

Hm. Depressed, my-life-is-so-horrible everyone pity me teenager? So sorry.

Anyways, lovely signature. Sort of frightening, but I really like it. Would you mind sending me one? I don't want to put it as a sig anywhere...but I just like it for some reason. PM me if so

 

^are you the same person in that thread with the lyrics.are you the one who cant appriciate art.
and asking a (pretty) 15 year old girl to PM you more sexy photos sound a bit wierd
i think you should change you approach

 

Yes. I can't appreciate the rich and sophisticated art of feeling sorry for yourself for shallow, ridiculous reasons.

 

not you silly sarcy barstard

 

You removed the signature photograph of the girl with the butcher knife. I was asking, what's the point of showing a girl (yourself?) with a butcher knife? Are you being threatened? Are you about to kill the guy reading your post? It's just not nice, going around waving butcher knives at the world. Unless you're Condoleezza Rice (U.S. Secretary of State) and you can do any goddam thing you want, of course.

 

yes, it is me in the pic
and the point was just that i have an awesome knife, lets take some pics!