my boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with me

It is good for you, but he has issues with it, and maybe everything you do. I wish I could tell you in the right manner how much of your young 25 years you are wasting on him. Is he the one you cannot see your life without and you want nothing more than to be with everyday and every year????? NO???!!!! Then you need to respect yourself and your needs and find a man who values you, your needs, your love, and your time like you deserve and need, and want. PERIOD> Come on, this is about you and your life and your happiness!

 

Suggest that the boyfriend go to the doctor and get his testosterone level checked.

If he isnt able to perform on demand then he may be avoiding sex to escape embarassment. Couldnt hurt to get the hormone levels checked out.

He may be a prude, he may be a freak, or he may just have hormones out of whack. Since beating him over the head with "fuck me" suggestions hasn't gotten your point across I suggest medical intervention. If it isnt hormones maybe a little therapy might help. Couldnt hurt and might make things better......

 

we haven't had sex since the 4th! gawd...

i had my period last week, and i dunno why, but everytime im on my period he "has to have me" but he won't, since i'm on my period!!!!

he asked me to go to work with him (he commutes to different towns) and while we were in the car he asked me if my period was over. i was like, "for almost a week it has been over." he was like, "WHAT?! why didn't you tell me!?" he is sooooo all talk. i know NOTHING is going to happen. blah.

i love him so much, and besides all this sex crap he treats me with so much love and respect. he's kissing me, all over me, most of the time. that's why i'm mistified!

i feel really bad but sometimes i can't help but think maybe i should just find another guy to have sex with, and then go home to my bf. it seems like, then, all my problems would be answered. however, i know that i could never cheat on him. i've never cheated on anyone, and i'm sure it'll kill me more than it kills him.

 

He may have the thoughts, but his body could be ignoring them. Touchy subject for men. With all the crap put into food these days it isn't surprising that peoples hormones get whacky. What could a simple test hurt? It seems like a better option than cheating on him.

 

what kinda man turns down their woman when she wants it

 

A gay man?

 

Is his penis sad? It's probably sad.

 

Hi enjoi,

You have received some good advice from everyone who has replied. I have to weigh in on the side of leave him.

Believe me I don't say this lightly. I speak from experience. I had the same thing happen to me. Only I married him anyway. He liked it less frequently than I did. After years of marriage (I hate to admit how many) he made love to me 2 TIMES in 4 YEARS. Talk about rejection and crying yourself to sleep. I said nothing. I didn't initiate because I always got rejected and living with nothing was easier for me than being rejected. It took a terrible toll on my self-esteem. But there is life after this neglect and devastation.

You talked about how you would rather masturbate than ever have sex with him again. I went through this too. And did, for years. I'd watch an old movie where the guy in it looked like my husband and I'd pretend it was him, and I got very good at getting myself off. One time I came nine times just to see how many time in a row I could come. I made myself very happy that day, but would always have to face the fact that after my physical release, I'd feel so sad, because I had no one to give my love to or love me, to connect with emotionally.

Now, I walk 7 miles just about every day with my Siberian Husky. I met my current boyfriend out on one of my walks. He loves me. He loves to make love to me. We can't get enough of each other. He wants me. It is like being in heaven. I've have more intimacy with him on every level in the past year and a half than I had with my husband in most of the years we were married.

Stupid me, I never gave up on the hope that, "It would get better,' with my husband. I loved him so much, and he just threw my love away all those years.

Because I was starved for someone to love, for someone to accept my love, and return love to me, that it why it most likely is so good with my boyfriend now. He talks to me. My husband didn't.

Whenever I'd bring up making a physical connection with my husband (when I still tried talking to him) he'd turn a deaf ear. I used to say things like we don't have to have intercourse. We can just kiss, and hug and give each other massages. Or we can do oral sex. He said, "He couldn't feel anything in his dick." I said well, it doesn't have to be all about your dick. Maybe if you tried to love me, and get your mind off of you, it would just happen. NOTHING changed so I gave up hope and stayed married to him. I stopped talking to him about the human need for touching.

He finally got some viagra. When did he get it? Only after I told him I met someone else. Then he got into competing for my affection. Like a child who has a toy that he no longer has an interest in, then when someone comes along and plays with it he wants it. He denied this.

My new man makes me feel like a woman again. He inspires me to write erotic poetry from the intensity that we share together. I read it to him and we become more connected on every level because of this.

I guess when you have had just about the worst relationship, you make up for it when you meet the person you were meant to be with. I wasn't looking for anyone. I was resigned to the fact that I would most likely die celibate with my husband. And all of sudden there my new man was. Smiling at me as I walked by his house. He said hi, and we talked for a long time, and I felt the most overwhelming peace and joy when I was with him. He projected a very relaxed, loving vibe, and I thank God just about every day for bringing this man into my life.

enjoi, I think your boyfriend is playing mind games with you. Leave him before you love him too much to leave. You will feel better about yourself and leave yourself open to finding someone worthy of your love. Some men just aren't ready to have a woman love them, for whatever reasons.

I truly hope my story helps you find the correct answer for you. I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone.

 

the problem could be that he masturbates too much, maybe in the shower or when not with you. or he needs to get some excersize at the gym to boost his sex drive. there could be other reasons, but those could be the culprit.

 

i think its his penis is sad like maximusxxx said. tell him to stop being lame and grab it while ur getting groped by him. if he turns you down after that and you don't wanna leave him... i guess ur stuck with masturbating.

he sounds like he needs some motivation.

 

Interesting thread. I'm pretty sure people will give me shit for this but, oh well, its just a forum. For the OP, you sound like you are in the same boat as my girlfriend but, I have a different perspective on this. First off, I'm not gay, I don't have ED, and I have the desire for sex. The problem I have with my girl is the fact that no matter what I do she can't get off. It gets frustrating every single time when she gets close and just LINGERS. It seems like she is trying not to have an orgasm even though that is ridiculous. So, what frequently happens is that I'm fine until she starts getting super intense like she is going to cum, then I'm super turned on and can't hold back enough to finish her off because she just stays right out of range of the big O. I've made her pop a few times in the past but, definitely not regularly. So I have nothing but guilty orgasms for the past year. The desire for sex really takes a hit after so many failed encounters because a guy just doesn't want to go through that. Everything else is fine in our relationship but, lately it seems this would threaten our future. It's sad to not be able to do a damn thing about it and be forced to sit back and watch things deteriorate.
So, you aren't the only one in this situation. Hopefully I have shared a point of view for you to consider.

 

Can't even believe you met a guy like that. Good thing there's a billion more to choose from and about 0.005% chance you'll run into another who doesn't want sex. Only reason I would recommend dumping him is because it's so much better when every aspect of a relationship can be fulfilled simultaneously. I can't even imagine what that does to you on the inside being rejected sexually by the man you're in a "love relationship" with. Go fish.

 

enjoi, do you happen to live in Michigan? i'll be your sex buddy. i'll solve all of your problems forever.

 

Sounds to me like you're backpedaling. You said yourself it wasn't "just sex." If it was me, I would tell him to save his little sob-story about being cheated on and making you feel bad for your desires. Everyone in their right mind knows that you cannot have a romantic relationship without a sexual element. It's just part of a healthy relationship. If I were you, I would tell him that if he doesn't want that connection with you then he can take a hike. Sex is normal, sex is natural, sex is necessary. Love it or leave it. If he doesn't believe the same, you will never change him, because people don't change for other people without resenting them. They have to change because THEY want to. So unless he has a random bout of the randies, you are s.o.l.

What you have to ask yourself is, what's more important to you? Are you willing to waste your life on a relationship that is going to end in tears after years of unfulfillment, just to preserve the warm, fuzzy parts? Or would you rather rip the bad aid off quickly, have it hurt for a bit, then be able to move on? I know that when you are with someone, you feel like you could never love another, but honestly, when you get away from this situation, clear your head of all the pink clouds of relationshiphood and look back on all the crap they put you through, it's hard to just see the warm, fuzzy parts. It's natural to miss the good stuff, but finding a better match would be worth it in my book.

This is not to say I don't understand where he's coming from. Sex isn't the be-all end-all, as you surely know yourself. I am a few times a weeker, and my fiance usually likes it a bit more than that. Doesn't mean I don't help him out occasionally when I'm not in the mood. Doesn't mean I always do every time he comes to me with a throbbing boner, either (how would I get anything done? lol). The point is, I try, because it is worth it to me to make him happy, even if I want nothing out of it. This took a while for him to get used to, as he was always of the school of thought that the boys do all the work and their job isn't done until the girls have a big, wet, screaming O, but then he met me, and I turned his old ideas about sex on their head. We have compromised for each other because our relationship is worth that, but neither of us, I would say, has just rolled over and given in as you have been forced to do by your man (the only alternative being that you leave him, thus making you the bad guy so he doesn't feel like he's done anything wrong).
Sorry I couldn't tell you something more positive, really. I just hate to see people so unhappy with such a basic thing missing from their lives. I find it very sad, and I hope you two resolve things in such a way that neither of you is just settling to keep from rocking the boat, even if it means going your separate ways.

 

Good insight. Have you tried this?:
My fiance and I will start messing around, I'll make him cum, then he teases me for 15 minutes until he can get hard again and he lasts like an hour. It's ridiculous. I actually get tired and sore! So glad we figured this out and I thought you might want to try it if you haven't already.
Also, I would like to add that if she is worried she won't cum, she won't. Female orgasms are mostly mental. Sometimes we gals need to relearn how to do it when it's not just us in the room.

Sorry about the double post, but it seemed weird putting this in the same one as the last...