I'm so fucking sick and tired

of defending what I believe and who I am to everyone...

sometimes it makes me want to hike off into the wilderness and just BE.

ghghghghghaghhghhaghaghaghaghaghg...ugh...

Why can't people just Be themselves and let me Be myself...

That's what I try to let everyone else do...


I'm interested in other perspectives, because I think it helps to shed light on mine; So often others don't want to listen to my perspective, or, worse yet, just want to preach HELL-FIRE and Brimstone at me.....

It's really bad when your parents are old and crazy-super-oh-my-fundafukin'mentalists.............................and all you want to do is to connect with who they are as people but all they can see you as is a GREAT BIG OLE sinner...........................

I refuse to change who I am or what I believe, even for them...


and sometimes it really sucks.............


Should I pretend to them that I believe what they believe just to pacify them and to salvage some tiny bit of relationship with them?????

My thinking to this point has been that I should not.


I wish I was so blind that I could peacefully believe all that they do without question.

My dad's a Bible scholar.

--and I'm close to it.

But he believes it and I simply
do not.

I know it's part of the struggle and usually I'm OK with it...

But sometimes it really does get to me.


I love me! I love what I believe and why I believe it.

it hurts that people so close to me can't be a part of it. and I know they (the before-mentioned-parents who adopted me and gave me a Wonderful life...feel the same way.)

Just venting!

SFC

 

i cannot say anything useful as far as i know to or about anyones personal relationships with other living persons or those person's beliefs.

but i do know of my own heart that i feel personaly closer myself to whatever is out there when i do not attempt to impose names and deffinicians on whatever nontangable forces and beings there might happen to be.

if everyone prioritised the avoidance of causing harm
that would be sufficient for the kind of world we all have to live in
(and nothing less is)

and if everyone were simply to love and wish well to
'the little spirit that lives down by the creek'
(which is perhapse how i am trying to say a kind of sense
of connectedness with the spiritness of placeness that we
are all interconnectedly a part of)
we would have at least that much gratification of connectedness
in and with our heart and soul.

perhapse this might be a place i can quote abdu'l baha:

"Furthermore, the teachings of Baha'u'llah announce that religion must be in conformity with science and reason; otherwise, it is superstition; for science and reason are realities, ... God has bestowed the gift of mind upon man in order that he may weigh every fact or truth presented to him and adjudge whether it be reasonable. That which conforms to his reason he may accept as true while that which reason and science cannot sanction may be discarded as immagination and superstition, as a phantom and not reality."

this goes on to say:

"Inasmuch as the blind imitations or dogmatic interpretations current among men do not coincide with the postulates of reason, and the mind and scientific investigation cannot acquiesce thereto, many soulds in the human world today shun and deny religion. that is to say, imitations when wieghed in the scales of reason, will not conform to its standard and requirement. Therefore, thse souls deny religion and become irreligious, ..."

returning to my own imperfect estimation; fanatacism, of any and ever sort, is the true and ultimate "anti-religeon" even and especialy of itself.

bible thumpers need only read their own bibles to realize that there own christ prefered to dine with common and even athiestic 'riff raff' then with fanatics of any stripe, and that the fanatical pseudo-christians of today are no better or other then the very same sort of fanatacism among the scribes and ferasies who in his own day rejected him.

personaly i don't see god as being any one tangable life form such as our own. it is too big and diverse a universe that surrounds us for that to make any kind of sense, at least to me, so this jesus personality cult that christerism has largely devolved into, has become self serving and strayed far from the will of anything but the vested intrests of its own mortal priesthoods.

and if there is such a thing as evil in this world it is that, that a priesthood or a belief or anything else would
be prioritised ahead of the avoidance of causing harm

"... religion must be the cause of love and fellowship, must be the source of unity in the hearts of men. If religion become a cause of enmity and hatred, it is evident that the abolition of religion is preferable to its promulgation; for religion is a remedy for human ills. If a remedy should be productive of disease, it is certainly advisable to abandon it."

!

again quoting Abdu'l Baha paraphrasing Baha'u'llah

=^^=
.../\...