What is that you need so badly?

Nice colours

What my parents did was not push religon on me but just enforce it slightly - we never went to the temple regularly and we did the usual diwali and that but it wasnt forced onto us which was nice because now i want to know more about it and i came to (well i feel like i did) by myself. I mean maybe it was subconsious but im happy like this because i never HAD to be Hindu (which is what i am if you hadnt noticed)


And being yourself doesnt mean being a loner. I never conformed. Well ok in primary school, i was young new school i needed friends... But generally nowadays i think it depends on what your personality is like and if youre a nice fun person then friends will come.

 

Yeah, children should be given the time to make up thier own minds about religion.

I was mostly a loner because I pushed people away....I had issues. I'm not like that now though...or hope not anyway.

 

Yeah I guess lookin at it, I do push people away. Should I stop? I mean the people I'm pushing away are my classmates, they know me for who I was when I wasn't awake yet. They all think I'm someone I'm not, so I have a bad reputation for who I used to be. Well my own damn fault, but you gotta learn some way even if the way I chose was a hard one.

Also unfortunately, I grew up in the Presbyterian Church and had no choice but to be HEAVILY involved and indoctrinated. Although it was a friendly environment with some intelligence, it was also the place where I first witnessed corruption. Where I first saw spoiled children and abusive parents. Where I first saw people who said they were Christians and said they didn't sin (or at least acted like it), where I was first lied too. Where I was first rejected, where I first found love, where I found God, Where I realized it was all fake and wrong. That church selfdestructed when a corrupt new pastor came in. The church split into two factions and half the people left.

That day was the end of my childhood as I remember it. The pastor had fired the music leader because he didn't like her personaility (she is a little odd (who isn't), but that is HER personality, and she is a nice person. Actually I can see now why that event happened that way. It allowed me to see the church for what it really was and allowed me to see human corruption in its purest form. Like the decay of plant matter, movements arise healthy strong and idealistic. The hippies, the punks, the the renaisannce, and etc. Eventually they become corrupt and an evil bug comes in, destroys it, leaving money and screams in its wake. The shell of the society remains and sometimes begines to seed again.

OFF THE EDGE OF THE WORLD!

 

Yeah, everthing is cyclical...like the flowers budding blossoming and decaying or the moon waxing and waning, an orgasm rushing, exploding, and fading, or maybe a good headrush doing the same.

I know what you mean about people seeing you for who you were instead of who you are. I've been there. It never changes, but you get used to it.

 

Well I'm gonna be going to college, and I plan on keeping very few of my friends from my hometown. Very few people here are my true friends, and no one here has anything left to offer me. Like the cycles we were just talking about, I have gone through the cycles with this social area. I was a nobody, I was a somebody, I left. But now I'm stuck here physically even though mentally I am so far away...

 

Well I can definitely relate to being mentally far away.

"Caus in my head there's a greyhound station
where I send my thoughts on far off destinations
Where they may may have a chance
of finding a place where they're far more suited than here"

 

i miss my soulmate...

 

something sacred

 

I just want a bowl packed every time I get home.. so far things are goin pretty good.

 

At my age which is 45, may be odd to hear, parental advice and guidance is what I wish for. Growing up I had no parents, my grandparents raised me till they passed in my teens then I was a home for girls for a while. My mom and dad left us when we were babies.


I now have teen kids of my own and just don't know what to do or where to turn for advice on my oldest son who is 18. He is always high, in trouble with the law, and just really screwing up. I am just heartbroken and don't know what to do with him. I feel I failed him....

 

At this exact moment in time I want something to do on a dull winter saturday night besides go to a party. If it was nice outside right now then I wouldn't be bored though...


I normally don't have a problem entertaining myself but right now I just out of ideas.

...Maybe its not too cold to have a bonfire... It is a little dark for that though... Finding firewood in the cold night isn't fun...

...But now i'm off topic so I'll leave haha.

 

There's a piece of me missing, no clue what it is yet, but somewhere in this void universe, I will find it!

 

It’s really interesting how you blame one way of filling up emptiness but glorify another...it might just be possible that humans are incapable of stop pursuing, wether its money or drugs/common

 

What we need then is something to pursue... it's not the having, it's the thrill of the chase so to speak, the anticipation that is most of the thrill.

 

WHat Do I need badly ?
Thats easy....I think i need to grow a thicker skin so that things dont wound me so badly , and i dont get hurt so easily , even if i say i dont...in truth i do.

 

I miss being young(er) than i am now. In high school in college, when i wanted to grow up and make my own money, times were so much simpler. Now i have just purchased a house and am about to get married, things just seem much more complicated and worrisome now. I absolutely love life, it is just a different feel and has taken me time to adjust and take it all in.

 

i need some rain right now

 

Forces to fight myself. I mean I'm against me. I have some plans, dreams - but myself doesn't want to do anything to help me achieve something. you know.
I mean maybe for some times I will force myself to "move",but finally I'm always lost. And myself with his right hand - laziness wins.

 

I wish you happy marriage!

 

Oh how interesting ) why?