Cannibis Drugs and Cutting

Friend sent me this ... her daughter is fifteen ... please does anyone has any advice i can pass on to her?

"Found out a few days ago that my daughter has started smoking canabis again.... the school foned me to tell me to collect her, as she seemed a bit 'out of it'... seems she smoked a joint before school.

Last week I was foned to inform me that she had cut her leg badly at school (self harm) and she was told to take the rest of the week off school... the first day back, I get the call to say she's stoned and I have to collect her.

Had a meeting with the school yesterday and with her Social Services worker and CAMHS worker... (childrens mental health services worker) and they all said that they don't know how to progress any further with her... she is manipulating them - telling them all different stories....

She's been wanting a puppy for ages.. so last week, quite by accident, we acquired a 5 month old Lakeland Terrier (Archie) - he is adoreable, but I made it clear that she will have to take him for walks, feed him, play with him, clean him etc..... all worked well for a few days, but now she's got a new friend and she is going out every night and completely disregarding her new dog, and basically leaving me to it. I suspect she's also taking drugs again.... although she's denying this... and I'm at a loss as to where to go from here! "


Thanx ...

 

Are you in the US? I can give you more specific advice if you are, (it depends on which state you are in.) If you want to PM me I would be happy to answer your questions and hopefully point you in the right direction.

 

She's going to smoke regardless of what you or the school says or does.
As long as she's not a junky (heroin every day), I wouldn't worry about her and just let her be.

 

as for the cutting....

girls do that for attention when they're young.

 

it's just a phase.
give her love.

 

that is so wrong stalk i almost cant believe you posted such nonsense....just a phase, do it for attention???? wtf,,, of course some do such things for attention however i can almost assure you there are underlying reasons for such behaviours, non of which you as a male of 20 yrs old would understand i am sure...

 

Sure, let her raise herself. I am sure she will do a bang up job since she seems to be making all the best decisions so far. [rollingeyes]

 

hi His Eden ... thanx so much for the offer ... i have taken you up on it ...

jim.

 

hi Stalk ... thanx for your input man ...

Jim.

 

hi dilligaf ... as you say and as cat stevens said ... "Oh Very Young what will you leave us this time?"

cute avatar!

jim.

 

me and my sister both went thru this phase...but no...I know nothing about it....
this society drives some kids nuts.

 

Sorry stalk, but "girls at that age" aren't just doing it for attention. If anything, I was extremely avoidant about it, as well as embarassed and and ashamed when people found out.

I was doing it because the physical pain was easier to deal with than the emotional numbness. It wasn't for attention, and it wasn't just a phase. It was an addiction.

 

Here's my ideas

1. How 'bout be a parent and tell her how it is. If she's not taking care of the dog, get rid of it. Thats a big duh. The animal dosen't deserve to be fucked with.
2. Use reverse psychology and other mumbo jumbo. Make her feel like if she keeps acting this way, you aren't going to love her anymore. That will go one of two ways, she'll straighten up or it'll get worse. If it starts getting worse, explain that you were just worried which is why you said it. Hopefull it won't come to that.
3. Fuck with her mind. Buy some pot yourself and get stoned in front of her. Tell her that if she dosen't care why should you. Take a few days off of work and lay around stoned and drunk. Make sure to pester her the whole time.
4. Again, fuck with her. If she's cutting herself, go buy her a box of bandages... get Band-Aid brand with some dumb cartoon character. Tell her that if she's going to cut herself then she needs some band-aids. Will make her feel really dumb.

Truth is, it's not easy raising kids. And in the happy world "talking about it" would be fine, but this is the real world, sometimes you gotta do fucked up shit to make someone understand. Part of me is just joking with this list and part of me thinks that if you really work with some of my dumb ideas they could work out. So, use your better judgment.

 

damn. sorry.

 

i had a friend that would cut herself and she'd do it for attention because she was crying out for help. the last time i saw her do it was at a party. she had blood running down her arm and a smile on her face. of course most of the people were greatly disturbed by her behavior including me. usually she'd only do it when she was alone. i had no idea what to say or do as she was the first cutter i'd met and the first time i'd even heard of it. we were close for another three years after that and she refused to find someone that could help her in all that time. her only explanation to me was that it eased her pain but she never told me what the pain was about.

the cannabis and the cutting are only symptoms/symbols of something deeper and if the daughter can confront that she'll find she won't need to do those other things anymore. that's a difficult road. wish her luck and perseverance.

 

Ok she smokes weed because it's fun....Simple as that. She cant overdose or get addicted to it... And it's very very cheap so you dont have to worry about her spending ALL of her money on it.

And the cutting thing....Well if she's my age and she's doing that it's because she probably is an "emo" kid. They always do that.

The cutting thing is the only thing you should be worried about.

 

cutting is not for attention or a phsse\

cutting comes from not being able to express emoptions
alotta families view a child crying as a sign theyre doing something wrong so instead of trying to find out whats bothering the child, they try to stop the crying, over years the result is the child holds everything in, to the point where everythings built up so much its either suicide or slice
cutting is a pressure relief valve , but the pressure shouldnt have beenh there to begin with
most likely youyr kids a good kid, but you freak out over every harmless joint making it a bigger thing then it is
probly give her long speaches about being a failure at life, and stuff like that, guilt, depression, anger sadness, all these things build up because shes unable to express them to you, (because youve probly discouraged emotional expression, even when younger sending her to her room everytime shed try expressing them) think about that message, feel bad, shove those feelings in a box & ignore em

well that way they never go away only build and fester til cutting becomes the only outlet (or some turn to hard drugs or eatting disorders or violence)

what u have there is a girl desperate to be accepted and to be able to express herself without feekling guilty for feeling the way she does
shes mixed up, for sure, but everything the school and all is doing, making a big deal out of it isnt helping but can make it worse

 

Well that may be true in some cases.

Or she could just want to be accepted with the emo kids.....Who cut themselves.

 

no offence but, i have a feeling that would result in a teen age runaway

head games and disrespect?
i can see her reaction..fuck you dad you'll never understand..bye

what she wants and needs is someone to understand what shes going through to feel safge to express all the things shes hidden so long
shes a cutter so theres a fairly good chance shes been through some abuses (wether the famkily isd aware or not)
shes hiding alot but its not things that can be forced out with a barrage of questions or tricks or head games
it has to be gently coaxed out with understanding and love

if you dont straighten up i wont love u no more? are u seriusly suggesting a parent say that? that is abuse adding abuse to pain thats already there
you have to let her know that you'll love her no matter what she tells yopu and that anything she says to u no matter how hard to hear you'll understand and accept her and always love her
how else will she feel safe letting out whats been puched down so deep it has to be cut out?

ask a recovered cutter howto overcome cutting\
get her support from others who beat it

 

i dont pretend to understand emo i dont know a singled emo kid but emo..emotion.. seems they are a generation suffering from the same things wouldnt you say/
dont think anyone would be cutting just to be cool
especialy since most hide it at all costs

its easy to say theyre all depressed cause its cool to be depressed and part of a group. its not so easy to look at the world and realize its depressing so many pedople that they band together in groups around depression