So long story here so I will try to make it shorter. I was married for going on 5 yrs-3 to 4 of those yrs my x was not involved in my likes-or taking care fo his 2 kids. I did everything,and yet the only time he wanted to be here was to have sex and that was pretty much it. I spent the last 2 yrs in my eyes just being freinds with benifits. I warned him numorous times that if this shit continued I was going to fall out of love with him. Wich I know I did a yr ago at least if not longer. I love him as a person but thats it. When I broke up with him he than decided to stay here-take care of his kids more-stop smoking pot as much-and pay attention to me. I of course was mad about-as if he needed me to fall out of love with him in order to step up and act like a dad and hubby. I have no want to be with him more than just freinds yet he still bugs my on a reg basis and still has to hug me n shit. I dont want him here-this is my house, but he tells me I CANT make him move out-I will be to one toblame for him not being with his kids. I dont get any privacy-and he is still nosey-snoops through my phone-and has never trusted me ever! Though I have never given him a reason not to. I just cant handle it anymore and really dont want him here!!! I dont know what to do-he makes me feel guilty for not loving him the way he loves me and I cant stand being his crutch. I made myself happy all these yrs-yet he dosent love himself and relies on me for that. I broke up with him last oct.He also wont get a divorce either. anyone have any advice?? Sorry so frickin long!!
Tell him he needs to stand on his own two feet and he can longer be dependant on you. You can not be his crutch and he cannot be yours. Works both ways. Ultimatum. Councelling?
I think he definately needs some-but he already wont get any unless we go and I dont want to be with him anymore period-so nope aint happenin-- He has never been my crutch-I am not that way. Thanks however for reading and replying to me-I wish he could stand on his own
I know-that is why I wrote this-and why I am so frustrated-If I ask him to move out than I am the bitch to him and his family. Yet he is the one who caused it all to begin with and never wanted his kids this much until now. So how do I ask him to leave-without the bs. He already told me he will go into to deppression if I make him.I will be taking him away from his "family"/we are his only family to him. Wich I beleive,since he is dependant on me for alot of things. He also dosent make enough to get his own car-(he has 1 of mine)or pay his own bills. He could move in with a freind but there are already 3 people who live there.,,,ahh who knows anymore.I am ready to give up---so frustrated and I would be so much happier if he could just face this shit and move on. I would be fine if we could live together as best freinds and have no other bs attatched but he dosent repect my space-like I do him.
why does he have to move out? why cant you move out though? or perhaps consult a lawyer and see if there are any legal suggestions
I will not move out of MY house-he pays only 1 bill(cable) for my house-also it is on my parents morgage so we get a better deal. They helped me buy this house 5 yrs ago. I think I will consult a lawyer at this point.
his cell phone-car insurance-vehicle-house bills such as electric-gas-water-snow mobile-basically everything is paid for-for him. He would have nothing or have nothing in his name if he moved out.He says thats not the reason why he is with me-but I know better-and am starting to feel that if my family wasnt wealthy he would not want to be with me or my kids. its confusing but he got all of this by marrying into my family.we are now broken up so I dont see how he thinks he can still have everything for free!!
I would suggest you come up with a written plan for moving on with your life with finality rather allowing another person dictate your existance thereby making you misreble in the process. I have found that if I write down my thoughts and goals with realistic potential resolutions and time limits, they are far easier to deal with rather than letting they roll around aimlessly and confusingly in my mind. In the end, you will be doing him and yourself a favor if you can admit that there are simply some lost causes in this life which one can do nothing to change. The most important thing to remember is that you do not have the power to "fix" another human, whether being married to them or not, and that you will find only extreme frustration and utter disappointment in your noble yet futile efforts. I hoping for the best for you, your children and your animals too!
THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR ADVICE AND INPUT HUN!I really appreciate it alot. I did come up with a few things and will write down a list of things I need to do. With or without his approval. At this point others are right about me allowing the shit to continue and though I love him as a person I need to evaluate how I feel and the things I need to do to better all of us. U really made me see things clearer Toby-Hugz!
I think you need profesional advice. Either a lawyer (to get him out) or a marriage councellor (to help you two get back together). You ARE now married, that IS his current residence and there are laws that support his staying there. Increasing your "talk him into doing stuff he doesn't want to do" skills doesn't seem a profitable road for you. Since you are married, you don't get to "break up", you have to divorce.
In my post to you; i wasn't saying you WERE a crutch i was simply saying don't be. Whether it be simply this that or the other. In saying this i meant to imply stay strong. Him being the way he is he needs to get off his ass and be INdependant and stop leaning towards dependance. Come up with a proactive plan that identafies what you would like to have occur and contact legal aide or just simply contact mediation. It will benefit you the kids whether he will accept it or not tough shit. You cannot force something on someone but It will take someone else to say to him this is for the children not you not her the children. Who cares about the materialistic things . Can you take it with you when you die? No! Just to set boudaries I personally, would have him if it is at all possible set up access or times to pick up the children Example; Tues thurs every oyther weekend on public property or the access centre. Make documentation of EVERYTHING that happens and understand that this is just the beginning. Divorce has to occur. You are married. If he does not agree w/ what you have decided separation can arise till he realizes "hey" Sometimes you just have to stub your toes and say FUCK this!! i feel your pain. i understand and i'm here if you need to talk. I'm not sure if he'll come to an aggreement but it is much easier process in divorcing if both parties agree . sign and done. Where as if both parties disagree its a big rigamaroll. I may be mistaken because i live in Canada, but i am just reading this in my law at the moment. i'm no professional at all. I would consult a paralegal or lawyer and get some information or free advice at which route to take . Theres no harm in asking Peace Teri
Sounds like he is freeloading and using the children as an excuse. Right now it sounds like you need some back up I get a plan worked up and let your friend and family know and have then there to support you (I know this is sometimes hard to do but they can be a huge help) this situation is not healthy for you and definitly not healthy for you children.
get rid off him before he destroys all ur energy and ur nerves..... i dont know where u live, but in uk we have like a citizen advice office where they can advice u on many issues including legal ones. perhaps u can look in ur phone book and look for some ideas...start the ball rolling as they say...u are not responsible for his life...he makes u responsible for his happiness but he never cared about yours....so ..u know what to do ...i guess u know it all a long......u dont need him..and he still can see his kids even if he moves out..so what is the issue here...be strong and all the best..dont let him manipulate u ....make decision and stick to it!!!!!!!GOOD LUCK!!!!
