ok, so my bf of almost 6 yrs has 2 teenage daughters and i usually dont interfere in things to much with them. But when my duaghter 13 came to me the other day and said the younger of the two is cutting her wrists becuase she is pushed to hard at her mothers house (lives full time there) quickly sent up a red flag to me. of course i mentioned it to her papa, and we are in the process of filing for full custody. im just not sure what we cant do to help her while shes at her mother house..and all this starts to come crashing down??..Any advise? and good energy please... peace.
Are you sure she is actually cutting herself? Is her mother that bad? Before everyone heads to the courtroom everyone needs to see the situation honestly. Can your boyfriend talk to his ex about any of this? Can you? What exactly is "pushed too hard?" I caution you not to act too quickly without knowing ALL of the facts. An accusation can destroy a person, so just make sure that the mother is doing something wrong before accusing her of any wrongdoings. In the same situation (and I have been in one and deal with similar situations on a regular basis at work) I would ask the teen to explain what is going on (with specific attention to details because I am trying to find out if they are lying or exaggerating to make the other parent look bad). I would also ask if they were doing it so they could live with one parent instead of the other . If they said yes I would then explain how harmful false accusations/manipulating can be and try to work with the other parent regarding custody. If the other parent was unwilling to cooperate in the best interest of the child I would explain to the child (if old enough) the process of modifying custody and what they should expect. Depending on her age the judge will likely ask where she wants to live and why. It is also likely that CPS (child protective services) will be called to investigate possible abuse and to get the child into therapy for her cutting. I wish you luck. Unfortunately this will not be a pleasant experience for anyone involved.
unfortunatly they are cuts, my bf and i have been together for almost 6 years, her mama isnt physically abusive but very verbally and emotionally abusive. iv known her for many years and she is very hard on them. i totally belive childeren should have chores and responibilities. but....she is a mother to her younger sister, mama tells her all the time that we lie when we tell her we love her. we are shit...yada, yada...we are already making arrangements for thearapy (sp) for her, and any thing we can do... We definatly wouldnt be doing this if we didnt think there was a problem..
I have seen entirely too many parents react when they shouldn't and do nothing when they should be protecting the child, so I tend to err on the side of caution. In your situation it is in the teens best interest to proceed with the custody and get the child out of an emotionally abusive situation. Sorry your "stepdaughter" is going through this. Being a teen is hard enough without having a parent driving you crazy. I will say that kids aren't blind and they know when they are being lied to. My ex pulls the same kind of crap with my son so I do understand how annoying the "other parent" can be. Getting her into therapy is a step in the right direction. Does she have any interests that she can pursue (dancing, gaming, 4H etc.) It would be beneficial to her to be in a club or group that encourages her to feel proud of herself. You sound very supportive of her, and that is a huge help. Just keep telling her you love her, and she knows you do regardless of what her mother says. Good luck with your situation.
Perhaps instead of focusing on the mother, make the situation about the teen. If you have to, make your case that you only want what is best for her- after all, isn't that what every parent wants, no matter how confused or misguided they may be? Then find out why this is going on by asking the daughter. Instead of filing for custody right away, try to work w/ the mother and explain that this is a serious situation and everyone involved only wants the daughter to get proper treatment. If she refuses or retaliates, this can be used as evidence that the mother does not have the daughter's best interests at heart while you and your boyfriend do. I hope this works out for the best and you and your boyfriend do not have to go through a long battle; also, I wish the best for the daughter and hope she gets the help she needs. Peace and love
