Time during your closet years...

How did you deal? For me I'm still hiding and it really hurts that my knowledge of the world is of a 9th grader and my social skills are horrible because I'm extremely quiet, at home and outside. I avoid everything and everyone. I have really bad scars on my body from my high school years and it hurts that I won't be able to get close to anyone for a long long time so that my scars can heal. I think of just ending my life because I messed it up physically. My only hope right now is to start a new life when I have enough money to move away from home without telling anyone and never going back.

Sorry for bringing up this stuff, I have noone irl I can talk to...

 

All you can tell yourself is that it will get better. There are happy people out there and there is absolutely no reason that you can't be one of them. I know it sounds cliche, but seriously, follow whatever it is you want to do and you'll find like-minded people there and BAM, you're part of a community that cares for you. Just hang in there.

 

zomg It's you from the picture thread! Anyways...Yeah I'm looking forward to starting my new life when I move out soon.

 

I think typing it out also helps to get things off your chest. Type away my friend we are here to listen.

 

^ yes; it always helps to let it out.

87s, when you do move out, go somewhere that you can be yourself, as out as you want to be. I'd imagine that sometimes such a liberating atmosphere really helps when it comes to reforming yourself. And don't think about ending your life. I've had it pretty hard myself, but it sounds like you've had it harder. Nonetheless, I could never bring myself to entertain the notion of suicide because it would have just been so hasty. I couldn't bear to think of myself dead beneath a tombstone that might as well read: "[My name], 1990 - 200_ , before he met______" You know?

When I think about the kind of strong, emotional relationship I want, it strikes me how badly I want it and how long I've waited for it. Yet I hope and have reason to believe I won't have to wait much longer.

 

I was pretty close to doing so when it came time to pick what I wanted to do in college. I mean other then my family I had noone that would care If I was gone, well, I still have noone but I don't care about that anymore. I pretty much enrolled into something just for the hell of it a week before college started. Really weird how everything just fell into place in the few days I had left to get registered. Anyways, I have a really don't care attitude. I guess after each month passes I care less and less of what people think of my sexuality. After all these years I've gotten to a point where I don't care, so I'm here now on these forums for the first time with a ton of questions. I too look forward to experiencing some type of strong relationship that I've been waiting a long time for.

 

The search for that relationship is the hard part. Once you find it, you're on cloud nine and everything changes.

You understand what all those love songs are talking about, you cry a lot more in movies (maybe that's just me... but it's a manly cry), you appreciate one another's company, it's difficult to fall asleep by yourself in bed.

I guess what I'm trying to say is it's worth the effort once you find it!!