Curtains of Existence

Welcome, welcome! These are the "curtains" I have raised to share my existence with others. Criticism is honored, replies are welcome, encouragement is commendable. New poems are in the replies section.

At Sunset http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=246139


*What I Saw http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=246788



The Deer http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=247415


*Death of a Will http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=247416


We Are An Evil, A Demon parts 1 and 2 http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=247418


Smile http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=248138


*She http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=248140


He http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=248144


Thank You Readers Of The Forum http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=248451


Cause and Effect http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=248820


The Pledge http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=248823


Monstrous (Strikingly Wrong)http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=249743


Chariots of Fire http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=249737


A Poet Scorned http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=250958


Tunnel http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=251190


Change http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=251187


*Planet Suicide http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=253142


The Life of the Heart http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=253140


*10 Year Medley of My Heart http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=255009


The Instinct http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=276408

Starlight, Starbright and I Hurt (2 poems)http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=273435

!Farts! http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=276543

 

Collect the flesh from the great old Earth
And arrogate the spirited land
Behind your eyes the power of questions flow
Have you ever searched for your truth?

Gaze into your soul oh children of God
In this thinned facade we call life

Pick up and read the bibles of your destiny
Which fit on the finger of man
Prepare for the war of faith
We are all to fight in this war

Bad faith marches for war of souls
Knights rise, reborn from the void

Knights are the flesh born from intolerance
In your veins you'll find strength

Emancipated thoughts and lives will cover,
Every part of Earth
The old thoughts split like bark upon lightning
But in the flesh and blood mischief remains
The mother has nursed her children

Knights, the generals who fight for peace
Knights, the masters ruling over evil
Knights, the blood that runs in everyone
Yet only Knights by choice

 

Not one of my best but, eh, well, it's a release like all of my poetry is.

Less than 20 minutes Willis is in trauma,
Lying awake remembering, sometimes shaking.
In eight hours Willis is in hiding,
Attempting to deal with new life and shame.
At the end of one day thoughts are suppressed,
Beginning to push back reality out of necessity.

At 2 days nerves are shot,
Sense of innocence is lost,
And anger gets built within.

In 2 weeks functioning is confusion,
Associatation with the outside world is weakened.

Between 1-9 months mood swings exist.
Confusion is heightened,
Depression becomes so normal-
Any other way is odd.
Suicidal threats, thoughts.
Who am I, what's this world become,
Questions, questions...questions?

One year anniversary life has moved.
The likelihood of a beneficial life,
Is dramatically cut in half.
Help on multiple levels is needed.
If not given freely,
Anger, vengeance, suicide risks later in life,
Are highly dangerous.
Acceptance of the trauma is believed,
But in the subconscious it's still 20 minutes ago.

Between 5-10 years happiness is in drugs,
And belief in his friends who do them.
Extremely self conscious unless high.
Severe downs in depression when coming down.
But hell, life is good now, Willis has found some happiness.

In the 20th year a violent outrage occurs,
Incarceration is pinned.
A burst of images floods Willis' mind,
At the height of it all Willis became uncontrollable.

20 years of pain
20 years of sorrow
20 years of guilt
20 years raped of innocence
20 years of unhelped trauma...

Nothing given by the state,
Nothing given from government agencies.
Nothing, nothing! Nothing from anyone.
Unable to cope until release,
Unable to release,
Because no opportunity was given until outrage.

So much for justice.

Poor Willis was controlled, driven, derailed,
By the inflicted unhelped trauma...

But what happens in the next 20 years?...

c. 2008

 

A thought drifts into my mind,
I sit here at the computer,
Online, in the library,
In a city...within a town.

I read poems online and my own,
Words begin to flood,
And feelings begin to push forward.
They come out and don't stop.
Hesitation is just to gather the whole.

I read my words and old poems when through,
Did I really write that? Can you relate?
Where the hell was my mind?
I have dark feelings of words I have written,
Sometimes I don't want to take credit.
But they are in my mind somewhere,
Behind a door that has closed,
Or a door in front of me opening.

The time is there in the now,
My mind is slowing down for this one.
I am going to close now,
And hope that someone out there,
In this infinite nanoexistence finds...
Finds that I am not always the bad word I portray or speak of.

I am not always the same.

This is untouched/unrevised in the now, all comments are welcome.

 

i feel like this a lot...a lot of my darker stuff i keep to myself...

 

Thanks SKY. Here is one that I wrote many years ago about how I felt about drugs and being addicted to them. Again, all comments are welcome and this may be my last poem of this sort for awhile. I'm trying some things new and heading towards some positive writing since well...I'm not so depressed anymore, any help with that process is greatful. Here it goes...

Master


I'm your shadow
I'm your friend
I drag you in
Let the beatings begin
Too late to let go
Too late to apologize
I will run through you
I will destroy what's pure in you
Smashing your purity and pride
Smashing until death you will ride

Drink up, inhale, now I've run through you
Nothing more can save me from you

Lie, steal, I'm in control of you
Obey and your life's in disarray

Pay your price
Feed your fear
The beatings have begun
Your addicted now
Nothing more can you say
See me, feed me, feeding you
The more you see, the more you need
It's too late, I'm your Master

 

i like "master"... you're as good as always... keep posting.

 

these were my favorite parts...

 

thanks, I appreciate it, any others that you liked? That goes to anybody who reads this as well. May give me some more inspiration to write others like them and intermingle the ideas.

 

and inspiration...

 

glad to see you're writing again by the way...

 

Here is one of my most recent poems: Boom

B O O M!​

Did you hear a bomb?​

Maybe thunder,​

Or a car crash?​

Possibly a fist in your face,​

And the sound was only in your head?​

Possibilities and possibilities,​

What is heard is not always as is.​

A memory tied to the word,​

And a thought not always spoken.​

A dawn of awareness,​

To an activity in the mind.​

Could it be deja vu?​

An association of a memory,​

Long ago, recent, just now?​

I wonder what others feelings,​

Toward this boom word are.​

Are they as felt as mine,​

Or a wakening to another dream?​

 

Take yourself on a mental journey,
There is no right or wrong answer,
However,
The first thought is most truthful.
I am your guide...
Answer each before you move on...

You begin in the mountains,
And have a choice to go somewhere,
What do you see?
What do you do? Stay or leave?

Your mind moves forward and comes upon a bush,
Of any shape, any size, any color, any thing.
What do you see?
What do you do?

You come upon a key,
Again,
Any shape, of any size, of any color, any thing.
Do you take the key,
Or do you leave it?

You then come across a body of water,
Again,
Any shape, any size, anything you want it to look like.
What do you see?
What do you do?

A lantern then comes across your path,
Of any shape, of any size.
Is it glowing?
What do you see?
What do you do?

Lastly,
A statue you come upon.
Reduntantly,
Again,
Of any shape,
Of any size,
Of anything,
What do you see?
What do you do?

Now if you were honest,
And followed directions,
Here is what they mean...

The mountains scenario meant,
If you know where you want to go in life,
Ideas.

The bush represents your obstacles,
And how you deal with your problems.

The key,
Whether you would take love,
If the opportunity came across you.

The body of water,
How you see life right now.

The lantern,
Is your spirituality...
If it's glowing you are spiritual,
If not...well...you know.

And lastly the statue,
Which represents how you view death.

Any questions feel free to ask,
And I'll try to answer them,
To the best of my ability.
I hope you've had an interesting journey,
As I had,
When I was the sightseer.

 

Ooh, lots of stuff to read.

You have some brilliant lines.

I especially liked the following:

Whether you would take love,
If the opportunity came across you.
&
Behind your eyes the power of questions flow
Have you ever searched for your truth?

Keep writing. I enjoy your style.

 

Thank you all for reading and replying...I have found that I have rewritten a certain short poem numerous times in the past 10-11 years and have decided to start posting it on here. Here are the most recent parts 1-3:


Part 1

My life,​

One hell of a fucked up roller-coaster.​

My hate,​

Has cause a great deal of pain.​

My love,​

Seems to be in confusion for eternity.​

My heart,​

Appears to always have some room left.​

Death oh death my death,​

I see in you, in me, everywhere.​

I already feel dead,​

So death must be life.​

Fright,​

A loss of control, order.​

Feelings, feelings, feelings!​

They have been crushed,​

And I'm sure many words more.​

But every night the moon glows,​

Every day the sun brightens,​

And I keep living, trying, existing.​

Part 2 ​

My life,​

Is among an ocean of confused faces.​

My hate,​

Or was it your hate I was living in?​

My love,​

Should I love the eternity that's made me confused?​

My heart,​

Is a dim pilot light waiting for ignition.​

Death, oh death, my death,​

I do not fear...just how.​

Afraid of pain,​

Afraid of suffering.​

True fright-​

Losing my mind.​

Feelings, emotions, feelings!​

I am alone needing rebuilding.​

But every night the moon is there,​

Every day the sun shines somewhere,​

And I am waiting,​

Continuing to revolve like the rest.​

Part 3​

My life,​

Is just a theory to some,​

My hate,​

A mental illness or because our species is this way?​

My love,​

Much different than what movies portray.​

My heart,​

Is just an organ anyway.​

Death, ahhhhhh death...​

A topic that has much room for discussion.​

More fright...​

Other people's fear losing containment.​

Ahhhhhh life,​

It's feelings and emotions,​

From senses in the hands,​

To the deep sight in the mind...​

I agree,​

There is more to us than meets the eye.​

*End of chronicles 1-3. All comments welcome as usual.​

 

It's been awhile since I have posted one of my poems. Writer's block for one, and I get tired of going to the library. Fortunately I have a laptop now and hopefully wireless will work more often than not. Anyway, here is my most recent one I wrote last month...

You liked me until I spoke my opinion.​

You liked me until I put my foot down.​

You liked me until I tried doing,​

What you asked me to do.​

​

Should I walk around,​

With my hands in the air?​

A prisoner to everyone else's life,​

Or a disgraced life from everyone else's failures?​

​

You loved me in a heat of passion,​

Then when reality set in,​

You were quick to run,​

And left me like a bum.​

​

I'm like a tarred heart,​

Stiffening from life's intoxication.​

The beauty of my youth,​

Raped,​

And stood up to the world to fall.​

​

I'm just trying to find my way,​

With dreams of a better way through life.​

But I stumble and crumble,​

Crawl and eek my way.​

​

You tell me to take some responsibility,​

For whom I am.​

I'd love to,​

But you've hogged it all.​

c. 2008​

 

i like the one about your life. seems like you're spilling your emotions...
"my heart...it's just an organ anyway" = genius.
keep writing..
<3katie.

 

All your writings were great I thought, but this one would have to be the one I liked the most... Though, "My Life..." was good as well, the way you use and play with words is great, it leaves my brain with imagery and my insides with some sort of emotion.. Love'em..

 

For those of you who like long poems this one is for you, if not, you may still find a part of you in this. Comments could be helpful for me right now.


Today I want to scream out with mental pain!!!

My heart has fluttered with hurt,
And flooded with memories and thoughts,
Of what was, what could have been, what is.
My insides want to throw up...but can't and won't.
Today everything came back to one moment of time,
A single event that utterly changed my fate.

So from the shadows of this pain,
I have lain in vain, fear, silence,
And have waited for better days.

I am the Forever Broken remains,
A stand alone of promises,
And commitment to friends and lovers.
The shadow of another's stolen success.

I was once this Cryogen's friend,
That many may come to cheer on stage.
My riff's were stolen,
Now someone else play's them.

I have become nothing,
A lost life and cause,
For someone else to become something,
And I'm left with a shattered soul.

I have fallen into the unknown,
Because of a group of friends and money.
I'm now screaming inside from the unknown,
Wanting to break free from decades of darkness.

The pain doesn't always subside.

I wasn't born with the gift to move on,
So I hide,
Traumatized by my own historic memory.
In this dark hiding place,
Trouble finds me,
No matter how hard I try to hide.

Many different crowds of friends,
And some family...
Had promised to always be lending ear,
"The would always be here and open."
To what purpose I wonder?
Especially when you made me fear you,
With your demonized anger!
Now the are nowhere near.

I am alone,
Misguided in an untrustworthy area,
With a suicidal death wish slogan:
"A place called Earth,
Where the pain never truly goes away."

What more can I possibly give,
With a black and blue bruised heart?
A heart that has been pierced,
With so much knife-like hate, anger...
AND VENGEANCE!!
What more can I possibly give,
To a society that's pushed me,
And so many other's away?

Where is the love,
That so many claim to have,
And claim that is out there?
So far the only love I've seen,
Is "Do as I say."
Which is most often fueled,
By personal or monetary gain.
The church?
Ha!
The church claims that prayer is soooooo....
POWERFUL!
Yet the church is fueled,
By many greedy standards.
The church did not love me,
Only my voice to provide a sales pitch.
At least 7 churches in my history now,
But now I believe the creator; or God,
Is too big to be put into ONE church.

God, so where is the love?
Your Earth is in pain,
Struggling for some kind of gain,
Has it all become a game?

Why should I not remember,
What it was like as a sperm,
Meeting the egg?
Why should I not,
Know how things came together?
Too many unknowns,
And life itself becomes a dream,
A lost sea of confusion.

So God,
My hurt now lies with you,
And probably some anger.

Do I call you a coward,
Because you are hiding like me?
They say you are everywhere,
But I'm finding you nowhere!
They say look within,
And God's voice is subtle...
Have I blocked you out,
For fear of being labeled schizophrenic?

Look within, look within,
Everyone is trying to tell me something.
I say: look out, look out,
I see hypocrisy throughout!

Basic Instructions Believe Ludicrous Eccentricity
Basic Instructions Believe Ludicrous Errors
Belief In Beelzebub's Ludicrous Erra
Belief In Beelzebub's Ludicrous Ebb's
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth
Basic Instructions Before Laughin at Earth, B.I.B.L.E.?
Nothing is whole,
Nothing is certain!
Were you there?
Do you know?
What faith is there to have?
Whose story is really being told?
What do you believe in,
When there are an infinite number of holes?

This may be a cry of pain,
Maybe a cry for help.
It's beendone before,
With no solid core.
Which is what I yearn for.
Concrete solidity,
Peace and serenity.

Would suicide achieve this?
Does the populus frown upon suicide;
Because of attachment,
And one less soul to use?
It's strange that death,
Should be so welcoming,
And life is so condescending.

Do
Earth
A
Thoughful
Healing

Living
Is
For
Eradication

Suicide=D.I.E? Do Intelligent Eradication,
Could it mean: to pull oneself out of hell?
What about H.E.L.L.? Human Earth Living Life

Earth is Holy, no doubt spiritually,
And many agree living life is hell.
Acronym or not.
Which brings the Holy odyssey or conspiracy.
H.O.L.Y.: Happiness Odly Lasts Years,
Or: Holes Of Lost Youth.

Holy in a heaven,
Or Holy on Earth,
Whichever way we want to look at it.
Which brings us to choice.

Do we have free-will?
Am I writing this,
Or something writing through me?
We kjnow what free should mean,
But do we know what "will" really is?
The ability to consciously decide?
W.I.L.L.: Wait I Lied Lots
So: free-will redefined;
Not controlled by power...
Wait I lied lots.

Hence the birth of evil,
Which we all know is live backwards.
So really,
When we're all upset, hurt, or frustrated,
Maybe trip on at the clock,
When it strikes 11:34
(Hell upside down and backwards)
That living life is really just backwards.

So strength...
Is it strong to die,
Or strong to live?
*end poem*

if you've read this far, please, please comment. Thanks.

 

Boredom,
Uninspired,
Nothing transpires.

No words,
No ideas,
A blank mind.

Writers block,
Bored into shock,
Mind locked.

Pen in hand,
Stare at the lines,
Shut the blinds...I'll go to sleep instead.

The notebook is out,
A history of words written,
But nothing is bitin'....today.

Writer's block,
The creative boat is at the dock.