HARD DECISION Should I cancel friendship of 12 years?Please help(begging)

Hello all.


Anyway , Ive been agonising over this decision/situation for a while now.
A friend of mine Ive known for a long long time , has basically turned into a bit of a part time nasty piece of work over the past few years.

BTW I'm the same Ressotaspiks as before , but Ive forgot which email address had my password!

In work I have to be pretty forceful and aggressive if someone is trying it on.
But socially Im very laid back and virtually everyone I know Ive never had an argument or even a cross word with.My work and social circles dont overlap in this question.
My friend is fine most of the time , then he snaps.Its either disrespecting me infront of friends eg talking derogatory shit about me , or trying to lecture me infront of people- when he's talking thro his hat
OR argues about utterly trivial matters , and raises his voice then sometimes goes shizophrenic because I dont capitulate and agree with whatever crap hes saying.This is like really nasty 30 minute or more worth of badmouthing.
Im really easy going socially but I think for the past few years ( he lives elsewhere in the country so we meet up rather than go out all the time) he has been abusing my tolerance and easy going streak , by being abrasive and obnoxious.
Sorry for my ramblings.
My question is , should I just tell him to fuck himself- permanently or for a few months or something?Or give him a final , final , final chance
and risk him formally "getting his retaliation in first" ie finishing the friendship?
( weve had about 5 nasty events in recent years)
Hes a late 20s professional , so really he should know about dignity and respect and fair play.

PS he's fallen out with other people in recent years and speaks to people like his brother and girlfriend with utter contempt too.Some people , he seems to be scared of tho and seems ( to me atleast) more respectful of.
.( altho physically wise
he knows if I wanted to , I could knock him out if I had a blindfold on)

 

Sit down with this dude and talk to him. Let him know you ACTUALLY mean it.
Don't resort to violence, that won't be necessary, what I'm saying is talk to him, and if continues to act that way and doesn't get the point, you know what to do.

Why put up with his shit if he isn't playing a friend's role? Encouraging, always there for you, loves you (as a friend).

Wish you the best of luck.

Peace and Love, John.

 

Tell him that his abusive, inconsiderate conduct when he is with you has poisoned your friendship with him, and that until he reforms and changes his ways, you don't want to be friends with him. His choice whether to continue the friendship, but he has to change.

 

They both laid it out perfect; an ultimatum has be laid down or nothing will change. I can't say I've ever had a situation to the extent of yours, however, when people in general (even friends) disrespect me for no reason that just doesn't fly and sometimes people have to be put in their place. As stated before, and I'm sure it isn't even an issue, but violence should play no part in this; it should be as simple as two adult friends sitting down and hashing shit out...if he can't be mature enough/respectful enough to do that and hear what you have to say; then by simple dictionary definition: he isn't your friend. I hope it all works out for you in the end.

 

Assuming that this friend once was someone you liked and had a personality that made him nice to be around, one would wonder why he changed. I would have to ask him. It seems like something has made him bitter and there might be something you could do to help him. If not, I’d do what the others said and tell him to shape up or ship out, ‘cause no one need those kind of friends.

 

Lay down the rules and tell him whats up. Let him know how you feel and if he cant deal with it then to bad for him.

 

Thanks for the advice all.
He basically changed when his Mrs was playing away.
Then I realised it all when she left him.
I was really shocked when this former nice guy started bullying this new girlfriend too.
He's never really found anyone like her.So I suspect its a case of "I'll try it on with people and "hold the power" so I can feel like they need me , more than I need them".
Like he's feeding off raising his voice and picking arguments.

I suggested he take counselling for the post divorce stuff , but he's always saying "ah it was long hours at work , the divorce etc .
Now its like being an indiot is his base personality.
So , yes I just need to find some way of framing my comments that it cant go on the current format.
He had 2 emails , I had an apology onelinerreply from one and nothing from the detailed email I sent
So I wasnt overpleased by that.

Anyway ,I think the saying is "theres an abundance of everything".
So maybe I shouldnt dwell too much on how one person behaves.