Childhood sucked.

I spent most of middle school trying my best to be loving to others and then getting shit on for my efforts, or wallowing in self pity because I felt like an outsider everywhere. At home, at school, it was all the same. No one understood me and the future just seemed like a hopeless joke.

I felt cursed or diseased, like I'd been marked by some sadistic deity for eternal humiliation. I was the butt of every joke, every time I heard whispering I knew it was about me. I wanted to just slit my throat and do everyone a favor.

In high school, I learned to love myself and with that wisdom, and the confidence that came with it, I began to meet friends who cared about me. I learned to stick up for myself but I became materialistic. The most important things in my life were my computer and game systems. I was rude to people and inconsiderate and very self conscious about my appearance. Getting attentions from girls made me happy but very nervous and rejection was a sign it was time to call it quits and bite the bullet. No matter how many people loved me, it took only one insult from a stranger or a girl to sink me into self pityland.

So when people talk about childhood like it's some golden age, I just can't relate. Childhood fucking sucked. Yeah I was surrounded by nice things and people who actually cared about me but I couldn't accept it at all. My mind was only capable of receiving humiliation and contempt. It's all I picked up on. In a room full of well wishers, my eyes and ears were on the one who didn't seem to care.

Today seems so much better than yesterday, even with the world seemingly on the verge of collapse. I've begun to think I'd be at home even in the post apacolypse. My relationship with the world has improved a thousandfold and confidence and self sufficiency has replaced needy desperation.

From the thread title you may think this was going to be a negative post, but it's actually completely optimistic. I don't hold onto the past with longing because the past sucked dick. Today isn't perfect but at least I can love myself and make my way around this place without getting blown away by the smallest gust of adversity.

So fuck the past guys, it wasn't so hot to begin with.

 

as they say, "Wewt epiphany!"

 

the past doesn't exist anyway, just memory.

 

I can relate to most of that, and life is what you make of it..The hardest part is holding on, its so easy to let go i tell ya