it's me, q-tip, but i had to change my account a little cause my other email doesn't work. so no !. anyways, i'm now about two months pregnant and still wake up every morning freaking out. i can't imagine how i could have been naive as to create a baby without realize all the consequences. so try and help me figure some things out. i live across the country from my family. my partner's family is right here, but i have a good feeling they'll be less than supportive once they find out about this. we want to live somewhere completely different, which happens to be near neither of our families. so question 1: how important is it to you to have your family around for moral/physical support? part of me feels like it's very, but part of me already feels hassled by everyone's opinions, especially since this is an unexpected pregnancy and my partner's young. (and we're poor money wise) i was kinda thinking i could just create a community of support where we end up moving, and try to join/find/create some kind of parenting co-op where we baby sit each other's kids. (does anyone know if this exists?) sounds like a good idea! question 2: my partner will be starting school full time next year. this is a definite must. if we wanna be financially independent and free, he needs and wants to do this, and i completely agree. so i can't really count on him to help much with daytime baby watching, which means i don't think i'd be able to get anything but a part-time day job a couple days a week or a night job. so how do you guys work out the work thing, especially if you (mommy) is to be the primary bread winner? i had some ideas, as i am an artist, but it's sketchy. question 3: how much did pregnancy cost you? my health insurance plan covers 70%. what am i looking at here? did you have to pay it all right away? okay, i'm sure i'll come up with more concerns, but just these for now! thanks sososososo much for any responses.
I was on state insurance, and it covered 100%. You should check to see if your state has insurance for maternity. It usually covers anyone that wants it, and the baby for a year afterward. And contrary to popular belief, it will cover alternative care most of the time (naturopaths, midwifes, chiropractors) and won't deny you if you chose not to vaccinate your child. Most of the questions you are asking aren't really parenting, but financial. And that is so understandable. In my family, Brian and I work opposite shifts. He works 8am-4pm. I work 5.30pm-2am. It's hard to maintain our marriage, and it does create a fair bit of isolation (especially if there is only one car!) but it allows us to keep our child in our care 24/7 which is most important to us. We're also on the lower end of the income spectrum. It's difficult, but like I said before babies can be cheaper than people lead you to believe, especially if you cloth diaper, breast-feed, wear a sling instead of a stroller, co-sleep, and buy clothing secondhand. As far as your "village", family kinda doesn't count unless they are truly supportive of whatever parenting style you subscribe to. It's more important to find a large network of FRIENDS who parent similarly. I'd start at LLL or maybe go to a natural birthing class or babywearing class. You'll find women looking to parent like you and due around the time you are!
Well, when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, we moved in to my mom's place so both my hubby and I could go to school. We moved out before I started school, so Lea Lea had to go into daycare. I live in Canada, so things work a little differently here than what I know of in the US. We were able to get funding for our schooling, where the gov't paid for our tuition, books and every month we get a living allowance. It's not much, so we do have to work, but it is still the primary income. I was still in school when I found out I was pregnant the second time. I continued to go to school throughout the pregnancy, and am still attending classes now from home. I do have to go back in Feburary, but because of our grant, Cody is able to stay home during the day with the kids while I pump milk for Xavier, and he works full time evenings and some weekends. It is rough, but we know that it's for the better. I'm starting university for RN in Sept 2009, and Cody is starting training for the trade he's going into this upcoming Septemeber. Try to think out a plan the best you can, but don't get yourself too stressed out about it. Things seem to always have a way of working themselves out. I would have breakdowns when I found out about my daughter's pregnancy because I had NO direction with my life, but I'm happier now than I ever was before. I would suggest both of you working right now and putting away as much money as you can, get your move in order, and keep saving. I'm not sure what the rules are for maternity leave are there, but your job should't be allowed to fire you if you leave to have your baby, and should give you a certain amount of time off. You might have to find daycare, since your partner will be in school, and you are going to have to find a way to make money. I put my daughter in a dayhome last year for a year. She did like the interaction with the other kids, even though I had issues with the provider. I ended up pulling her out of that home, but I do not doubt that there are good homes out there. The costs of having a baby are not that much if you think pratically. This time around, I was able to breastfeed, we cosleep, and I buy most of his clothes second hand. I made my own baby carrier, and bought a mei tai for a whole $35. We have a change table, a crib and all kinds of other unless things from my daughter that cost a bunch of money all sitting in storage. I bought one of those stroller/carseat combos used ($50 as opposed to $250, which is what it cost new). I haven't used it a whole lot, but the times I have, I found it to be very useful. Xavier likes to fall asleep in the car and I don't want to wake him by putting him in a carrier, so it's easier to just put him in the stroller while he's still in the carseat. As for family support....it really depends on the family. Some people find family to be really annoying, others find them a god-send. I personally preffer friends who are like me, like freek said. Do try to find a support network, though
My mom and sister and grandma were my only and most important friends through my pregnancy birth and even now as a parent. my mom and my sister stayed with me through all of labor and delivery and rubbed my back and put lavender oil on my wrists, : ) i couldnt have survived without them! i think family is really important for a pregnant woman and a mom. this is a time in your life when you are learning about a type of love u have never experienced before, but i guarantee ur mom has : ) as far as money, we r on medicaid, live in low income housing and recieve other benefits so i can stay home full time. it can be done. and its far too late to freak out every day. time to get a plan and focus on the good things to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
