horrible sexual experiences... and i do stress horrible.

last summer, i had an accident at the woodworking shop i work at on the bandsaw, wear i severed part of my right ringfinger and about half of my right middle. I had been partying a lot that summer (doing a lot of coke, and drinking) i had further disrupted the healing process by attempting to climb over a fence, wasted. so it seemed it took forever to heal. close to the end of summer i found i could once again move my middle finger! ever so slighlty, i was ecstatic, the ring finger seemed to be fine, but i wasnt as concerned with that one. the middle finger still seemed raw, unhealed though. it throbbed and still felt not healthy, One friday i went out with my buddies to indulge in our end of week activities,i got very drunk and did 2 caps of ecstasy, and hooked up with some american girl from washington. she seemed a kind green, kind of hippy-ish, she was vegetarian and had a hemp purse and such, which i would normally would want no part of but we really hit it off, so we went back to my place and began fucking like ravenous savages clawing and slithering all over one another, she knew i had a injured paw so she was being patient as i fumbled with my left hand, i realized just how important my right hand was and how much i would miss it if it were gone, we had sex for what seemed like an insane amount of time, finally after a long sweaty drawn out doggystyle pump session she screamed she was going to cum, and to stick a finger in her butt, i was beat at this point sweat was pouring off of me and i wanted it to end, i was so grateful it was ending pleasantly and not me awkwardly telling her 'as much as i am enjoying this, we not getting anywhere' bit, and sleep as two strangers in the same bed awake and worse coming off E. instead i had the oppertunity to settle everything, and we could sleep not as strangers but lovers, something positive, even if we still ended up laying awake. so i stuck my finger in her butt, you guessed it, the injured middle finger just as a force of habit, that was what i had always used to insert in to females through my teens, and in all my life i had never felt a more urgent or shocking, "OH FUCK WHAT DID I JUST DO!" feeling, i froze, she started shaking and convulsing and fell over, i felt a sharp ache type pain, as my hand slid away from her ass, and then only a hot tingling feeling, she collapsed on the bed. i immediately went to the washroom to inspect the damage, the tip of my finger was gone, i started to dance around the room in a panicked frenzy. after i collected my self i decided i should sterilize it and go to the emergency room, there was very little blood. i sat wondering what the hell i should do, go in and lay down and politely ask her for my finger back, which could quite possibly be lodged up her ass, or just leave get checked out and sewn up. i figured my finger tip was probably finished, a second re-attatchment would never take, i bandaged it up and went and slouched on the bed until i could think of a way to get her out of my place or ditch her so i could go to the emergency room. shortly after i was on the bed she jumped up happily and went into the washroom. i suddenly realized she was in the bathroom, and prepared myself for a scream, you know the one; that scream that a woman makes when she shits out your severed finger in the toilet. once again i froze, thinking about what i had done, i was positive i would here a scream. i sat there preparing myself for what ever strange new mutated feeling of humiliation that might manifest itself from this beyond bizarre human situation. no scream though, only the far off sound of piss hitting the water and the toilet flushing. she came out, i told her that i had just gotten a text message from my brother, apparently i ended up with his keys so he wouldnt drive home drunk. she didnt seemed to buy it, and just said that she would catch up with her friends at the hotel and that she had her number and would call me if she was in town again. i went to the hospital and the doctor diagnosed me as having a severe case of idiocy. i have needed to share this for quite some time but i have been in a relationship that would (faithfully) conflict with its time frame. i feel a bit better now. i would like my finger back though. my finger it turned out was actually quite infected and the portion after the first joint needed to be removed. my life is full of horrible things like this.

 

OMFG that is the most bizzare thing I've ever read.. im trying my hardest not to laugh.. duuude.. thast some crazy shit.. so to this day she hasnt called you and asked if you left your finger up her ass? at this point, i dont think youre getting ur finger back..

 

That's a real bummer, man. I'm glad you're all right. Hmm.. so you didn't really lose the finger because of that, eh? I mean the doctor said it would have had to be amputated due to infection anyway...

Fuckin' a.

 

hilder: no she never called me, looking back on the whole thing i am actually less concerned with my finger than whether or not she figured it out. she was very intelligent and knew my hand was injured, i find myself obsessing about whether she found out or not, the embarrasment... i was mortified! its gone. i am an idiot.


hip aficionado: i think i would have lost it anyway, it just happened to pull off in her butt.

 

i think there is a lesson to be learned here, i think if i had been taught to correctly perform "the shocker" in sex-ed class, i could have averted disaster. i am yet another victim, a sad statistic if you will, of how the western education system has failed us all.

 

I had to read this twice because the first time I laughed so hard I lost my place! Ohh my god! The girl probably was like, "What the hell did I eat? I didn't have any fingers!"

 

how come no one else is talking about their horrible sexual experiences?

fine i will go again.

my final year in high-school, years ago i spent about a month pursuing one girl, i actually didnt have anything in common with other than superficially, (everyone always assumes that if a guy and a girl have peircings or stretched ear lobes they would have things in common) in truth we had nothing in common i just really wanted to have sex with her. finally, after like 8 dinners and night on me, i slimed my way into her panties...

what a mistake. as things got more dirty, i noticed she was moaning really strangely, an eerily firmiliar sound, it almost sounded like an orca whale, but there was definately something very firmiliar about that sound. i found this very distracting. i slowed down a bit and very nicely said she should be quieter, "we can be loud!" she said naughtily... it became interesting again, she was being a bit more animated rahter than the corpse that had been laying there just a few minutes ago. i was going hard and fast again, and as soon as i started poking her the right way, like clock work she started making that strange 'cat in heat' sound, i found it horrible, not sexy in the least, so i just stuck my tongue in her mouth, just to shut her up, she said she couldnt breathe and started to really howl, then it hit me...

i knew who she sounded like.

Ralph Wiggum. the little stupid kid from the Simpsons. i realized their was no way my erection would recover. i literally stopped and shuddered. it was over. i could never have sex with someone who sounded like Ralph Wiggum when they moaned. never. almost as bad as the caterwauling was the confused bambi-eyed look she constantly gave me as we were porking. she insisted on doing it face to face too. i rolled off of her and never explained shit. how could i. i swear this shit only happens to me. i tried to fall asleep but bearly did, when i woke up, i left with out saying anying. Trip Fontaine'd her ass. i have never claimed to be a good guy, so dont reply saying how rotten i am, i know how rotten i am, i dont need someone who doesnt know me to tell me this.

 

That was great haven't laughed that hard in a while.

 

I am soooo sorry ROFL BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAhahahaHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAhAA

 

Yip you are an asshole. Not funny like the first guy, just mean.